3 What is Home?

What is home? A place where your heart can rest.. A place where you can be yourself without any fears.. Right?

Jake always wondered, what's home? Cause whenever he is 'home' his heart never rests.. He's always scared and due to his anxiety, he's never able to act like his true self..

After he medically transitioned, his family stopped talking to him.. They started treating him as if he is invisible.. His younger sister was the only one who would talk to him.. Although their bond wasn't as strong as how it used to be, at least they didn't use to ghost each other..

He would go home, take a shower and go to the dining room where he see people sitting at the dining table silently setting up plates for dinner.. Then they would all eat in silence not saying a single word.. And once he's done, he'll go back into his cell locking himself out..

It's not like Jake wanted to shut out his own family, it's just that he didn't have any other choice.. He tried to make things go back to normal but it always ends up with them accusing him of killing their 'daughter' after transitioning medically and falling in love with Abby..

Jake felt like he have hurt them enough and that it'll be better for him to keep his cursed self away from them..

When he was young, one of his biggest fears was loneliness and now, loneliness is all he got ..

Jake opened his diary and grabbed a pen as he was ready to write down everything that he has been bottling up the entire day..

That's just something people do; When they feel like if they say their feelings out loud, no one would listen to them, they write it down.. They allow their pen to become their tongue..

"I can feel it.. It's going to be hard.. Hiding from the person who helped me realize who I am.. Who helped me accept myself.. Who helped me recognize myself.. What if they forgot about me.. But we promised to never forget each other.. What if they just can't recognize me? Either way, there's no use now"

He closed his diary not being able to write more.. Sometimes letting out feelings feels like as if one is making a deep cut in their chest making a doorway for the feelings to come out and bleed on paper.. Sometimes, letting out feelings feels like taking your heart out, squeezing all the blood out of it to use as your ink and then putting the empty cold heart back inside and stitching away your chest so people won't get scared..

He laid down covering himself with his blanket, sinking deep into his emptiness..

What will happen if you get everything you ever asked for at once.. Will you call it god's favouritism or a curse? What's the point of getting these worldly luxuries if they can't even fill up that hole in your heart.. A deep dark black hole.. A void..

Jake always told himself that he don't need anyone.. In the end, all humans the method where they lie to themselves in order to comfort themselves..

He found a job where he can do what he love doing the most.. Where he can express himself in the most indirect ways..

He always felt like Art is the only way one can communicate without even saying a single word..

He would write stories and put small little pieces of himself in each one hoping someday someone will find those pieces and collect them until they can create a whole picture puzzle of what he has been hiding in his heart..

That's what he believe, is something that every single author and artist would've always wished for..

Even though his job is something that offers him to work from home..

'What home' he thought when he was told that he didn't have to come to the office every single day and that he can work from home since that's something most artists would prefer..

Writing and drawing pieces of themselves peacefully at a warm place they can call home.. A place they can calm their minds and think about the next chapter of their works..

But not everyone is lucky enough to have a home like that..

Where one can be themselves without any fear or sadness..

He couldn't even move out.. Why? Because of love.. The strong yet stupid love that has been holding him hostage.. Just seeing his family getting along together fine and being happy, is all he could've ever asked for.. Even if he's not a part of their happiness anymore..