Hairy Plumber and the Philosophical Rock

The young Hairy Plumber lives a comfortable life at 420 Private Drive, spending his time complaining and making life terrible for his aunt and uncle, who took him in without wanting to. Little does he know that he is a wizard, which means his genetics allow him to be capable of performing spells and party tricks and other cool things. On his eleventh birthday, this is revealed to him, along with the knowledge that his long-dead parents were murdered by the evil Lord Vatofmelt, who kills people for the sheer joy of being able to eat their corpses. Hairy is sent to Dogfarts, a school that teaches magic to young witches and wizards, and he is immediately caught up in a strange new world of spells, magic, and barely-sane teachers, leading up to a confrontation with Vatofmelt himself in a stunning debut by ShrekTheOgrelord, who is very disappointed with himself for creating this excuse for literature.