CHAPTER 1

It's amazing how your life can change in an instant and everything you have known is gone. Moments like those are when people put a hand on your shoulder and tell you everything will get better and that you will be alright. Sadly those people are optimists and they have a delusional look at life, granted I'm not a pessimist here either. I'm a realist and I have been since I was nine but let me get this out of the way first. My name is Guy Donnelly and my life isn't what I'd ever even hope it'd be. Surprised? Well I'm not who you think I am, I'm the other Guy. Let me explain first off where shit went wrong. Someone woke Loretta. Doesn't that make sense? Well I'm explaining so sit back and listen.

I was about nine years old when my Father sat me down and explained to me what a divorce was. He told me that he cared about my mother but she was hurting herself and he had to do what was best for me and him. He told me he wanted to protect me from the pain and someday things might get better for her and we'd see her again. My mother's problem is that she was fun. She was fun all night, fun with a bottle, fun at a party, fun at a bar and when it came time to end the fun she was all but dead to the world. There were times where I'd be at my baby sitter's apartment, a cool Hawaiian family downstairs from us, to check on my Mother only to find her passed out in one of three places, couch, bed or bathroom floor. I learned that if you wanted to wake Mom so you could use the bathroom that cold water worked well but slapping her cheek worked better. When Dad moved us out I wondered who would help Mom if we weren't there but Dad said she needed to help herself. Time passed and I barely saw Mom and finally the time came where Dad and I were in the courthouse waiting to start the divorce and I was left outside the courtroom while Dad waited inside for it to start. I sat idly by when Mom walked in upright and smiled at me with an older man I'd never seen before in a suit. I wanted to find out what was happening but I wasn't allowed in so I waited for my Father to finish what he was doing and then we'd head back to our new home. It seems like forever when you're a child and waiting but when the doors opened to the courtroom I was not greeted by my Father's smiling face and reassuring touch. I saw my Dad sand and with his shoulders slumped exit the court room and watched as a man in uniform, a police officer, walked my Father away from me. Then Mother appeared with her friend. She explained that I was going to live with her now and we'd be having a lot of 'fun'.

Six months after the court date Mom got herself a job and when she wasn't at work she was out in the bars drinking and having a great time. Only now there was no family or neighbors to watch me. She moved us to a new place and instead of paying someone to keep an eye on me I was left to my own devices in the back of the bar while she danced and drank. Some days I was lucky and wouldn't get taken out only to get woken up by her when she'd come stumbling in. In the mornings I was getting her and me up out of bed so she could go to work then walk to the bus stop and head to school. We spent another year in that apartment and I'd grown accustomed to the flavors of jelly and jam that go with peanut butter as Mom couldn't be bothered to go out shopping more often than once every two to three weeks and I wasn't allowed to use the stove. Oh and don't think about Mom cooking, starving dogs would rather eat you than what she called a 'cooked meal'. Back to that year I was informed that we were moving thanks to a great job offer she got in another state. I didn't know what it meant at the time but in actuality it was the state asking questions about her parenting. So we packed up everything we owned and moved from Michigan to Illinois. We weren't in state for a week before Mom had a new group of friends and a regular bar to sit her ass at, best part this one was within walking distance of where we lived. Life returned to the norm of me sitting in school for the day and sitting at home most of the evening.

There weren't many rules in 'Mom's Fun Land' so I was left to make a few of my own. No other kids could come over. This was mostly because I didn't want anyone to see the disaster that was Mom or where I was living. Second, I spoke to nobody about her and what she did. See the first rule and you will understand why. To say I wasn't very popular was an understatement. When I did make friends it was only us in school friendships, I couldn't go over to their houses because Mom would need to drive me, fat chance, and them coming over was a 'see rule one' scenario. Also talking to other kids who had game systems, computers and two parents wasn't something I could do well either because I didn't have those things. I borrowed a calculator from my teacher with the expectation to return it at the end of the year because Mom couldn't find the time to get me one. Finally I had to take care of the two of us so that meant going out in public to places where other kids would be out because I needed to make sure when Mom was home she was doing okay.

Not a full year passed in Illinois when I was told we were moving again. This came after a man in a suit followed me home and then came by the school to ask me a lot of questions about Mom. I didn't want to talk to him mostly because you don't talk about family to strange people and when he tries to write everything down you do say it's creepy. This time the move was bigger than just to a state away from home where Dad was. This move was to Texas and that's where things changed big time. I was in middle school and still keeping up with taking care of Mom when something happened and I didn't know what it was at the time. She came home one day and brought dinner with her. We sat and ate but she barely spoke to me and then after we ate she sat and watched TV. When your mother leaves almost every night to drink for almost three years nights like this are odd. I watched as later than usual she changed into some clothes to go out and left. I was woken later that night by her returning home trying to be quiet; this woke me because it was brand new. Not that she was trying not to wake me coming back home, more that she was sober and very quiet. Next morning Mom was up almost when I was and had some breakfast with me before sending me off to school. My return home was even odder as the apartment was clean when I walked in and Mom was home. This oddity continued for the next few months till one day Mom left to go out and I figured it was her getting back to 'Fun Mom' mode. It was an hour from bed time when she got back in still dressed nicely and there was a man with her. He was tall like my dad but had black hair and was wearing a suit. Mom introduced the man as Mr. Delauter but kept calling him Mark. He was polite but I don't think I said more than 'hello' to him. Mom brought a man home, a sober functioning man, and there wasn't a bottle in sight. I saw the new man more often and he was polite with me when we were in each other's presence but I kept my distance, didn't know when Mom was going to ditch this one so I just waited it out.