1 Prolog

Somewhere in a very distant cosmos.

The spotlights illuminated a huge hall with tribunes for tens of thousands of places. Today an incredible bunch of people gathered here! Everybody wondered who would win this time ...

With the slow walk of the true Emperor, surrounded by beautiful bird-girls, Avalon came out on the red carpet, followed by applause from the audience, God, who subdued over a hundred star systems. Celestial of the Second Order, Avalon did not recognize defeat in any way! He was invited to the Royal Battle, and he simply could not refuse. Stretching his arms forward, he opened his huge golden wings and the crowd exploded into applause.

Next, accompanied by a comely companion, was an old man in a business suit. He only frowned, but the crowd applauded him. Yar is the patron of several planets. I wanted to restore justice and in a fair battle to prove that it was not yet so old that I would be charged off.

After him, on a golden chariot, dressed in purple cloth, was driving Glystar, the celestial of the Second Order, the patron of the whole Galaxy and a distant relative of the Celestials of the First Order - the Great Creators of the Universe! He was greeted with wild applause and whistling. He smiled, exposing his white teeth, and threw his purple cap into the crowd. Celestials slowly approached a huge gaming table, on which there was a projection of green meadows, castles and strange figures with tsiferkami over their heads. A crowd of applause and from somewhere above, from a bright blue flame on a small platform flew a young man with bright red hair, twisted into an incredible hair! He was wearing a leather jacket with spikes and tight red pants, and he was holding a diamond-shining microphone in his hands. Next to him flew a yellow creature in a baseball cap on his head and a camera in his paws, and filmed everything that happens.

- Good night everyone, bitches !!! With you Cash, the unforgettable host of the Royal Battle of the Guild !!! For those who are not yet all that is happening here I will tell - this is a game of the Gods, his mother !!! Here the stakes are not just a galactic scale, but UNIVERSAL NAH !!!! If you are God, and you want to blow a decent bag of bablyshek, then this game is for you !!! And if in more detail, then each declared participant has a player - Pawn, who is being introduced into the universal mega-security system, called "Guild"! They are waiting there, gently, let's say, not the easiest trials !!!! In general, all the Pawns will get srakotane, so much so that it does not seem to be exactly the same !!! And now let's see who we have already arrived on the playing field !!!

Redhead circled a huge gaming table:

- Yes, we have a star cast today !!! In the blue corner of the ring INCREDIBLE AVALON !!!! The noise of this gentleman !!!!

The crowd exploded in applause and started throwing flowers and colorful ribbons on the playing field.

- In the red corner of the ring, our frequenter ... Still not once got to the end - Old Yar !!!!! APPLAUSE TO THE PENSIONER !!!!!!!

The crowd again exploded with applause and whistling, and flowers and coins flew onto the playing field.

- That's right - right !!!! Pensions are now small ... So, and in the orange corner we have GLEYSTAR !!!! OWNER OF GALAXY AND THE LORD OF ALL WARRIORS !!!! NOISE-NOISE FRIENDS !!!!!

This time ammunition and medals flew onto the playing field. Well ... what to do? To each his own.

- And finally, in LILAC CORNER WE HAVE .... WE HAVE !!!! Fuck, Monty, what the fuck ?! Where is the fourth player ?! - Cash kicked the yellow operator slap in the face. The door to the hall swung open and with a pretentious mine, he entered the red carpet accompanied by a crowd of cat-girls ...

- GOD !!!! FOURTH PLAYER HERE !!!! MEET - THE GOD OF DECLINATION AND KOITUS !!!! Most popular on his planet ... JEEEK !!! КОООУУУУУУУЧЧЧЧ !!!!!!

Now the panties flew onto the playing field .... The coach went out of the open eksoskilet and namahivaya fans, he went to the other players. The Celestials smiled tightly and nodded their heads in greeting.

- So, since Coach was late - penalty information about him! He's a black horse in a tournament, so I don't recommend betting on him right away ... Although the dick knows him! Maybe in the Guild he will play as cool as he usually climbs into women's panties !!!! NOISE !!! NOISE FRIENDS !!!!! Let KOROLEYEVSKAAAAAYAYAYA biiITVAAAAA !!!!

The playing field was covered with a cloud of candy and rose petals.

- I also hurry to inform you that the game is being held under the close supervision of members of the Palladium of the Universe !!! - the redhead pointed to a young man in a bowler hat, who immediately nodded his head: - Zori will follow, that the rules would be followed one hundred percent !!!

The crowd vyalenko buzzed, but still not much yes clapped.

- Well, everyone has already chosen players ???? - Cash swam to the gaming table: - What will Avalon say?

- I chose Ogre for the game, because this race is distinguished by its strength and confidence! I am ready to bet that my Pawn will reach the final! - Avalon said proudly and on a huge screen the image of a mighty green guy in a loincloth lit up.

- What say, Mr. Yar? - Cash swam to him: - Who do you put in this game?

- Another joke about retirement and you will find yourself in the most vile yellow newspaper in the universe !!! Got it ?!

- Mr. Yar has bad hearing! But it does not matter, because pensioners are forgivable! So - who are you choosing ?!

- Oh ... Here's a rascal! I choose the zoomorph, because they are very cunning and know how to use their claws! - Yar answered and a pretty bear-girl in a brown top and a loincloth appeared on the screen.

- Well!!! And what will say Glestar ?! Who will put the Lord of the Galaxy?

- Well ... I decided that this time it is worth paying attention to the race of elves! They are intelligent, experienced ... They have good military training! I am sure that my Pawn will make this game! - Glestar answered and a strict elf girl in a business suit appeared on the screen.

- Great !!! Well, what will Master Coach tell us ?! - Kesh drove to Jack: - Who will choose the dark horse of this game? What do you say?

- Well ... To be honest, I would like to say, or rather to clarify, where is the toilet?

- ITS GODLIKE!!!! - Cash grabbed his temples and turned purple. The crowd just burst from the applause: - You heard it?!?!?!? WHERE HERE TOILET?!?!?!? PHRASE OF THE DAY, EPT !!!!!!!

- Actually, I'm serious ... Oh well ...

- ААААААА !!!! GUY, I ALREADY KNOW WHO WILL FLY THE PRIZE OF THE AUDIO SYMPATIUM !!! BE I GIRL, I WOULD ALREADY FLUSH !!!! - Cash squealed, falling on his knees. Bras and panties continued to fly towards Kouch. From the side of the stands it was heard: COACH !!! I LOVE YOU!!!! BE WITH ME!!!!

- FANS ALREADY BREAK !!!! But ... The main question is who will you choose to play?

- Let ka think ... - The coach seriously scratched his turnips and said: - I choose a man!

There was a deathly silence in the hall ... Cash's right eye began to twitch from overstrain.

- Wh ... Wh ... Man ?! - he nervously asked: - Are you serious ?!

- Yes! People are clever and they ... Lucky!

- Gentlemen ... Well, well ... DESIRE OF COACH - LAW !!!!! NOISE TO THIS SIR !!! - Cash exclaimed and the crowd again exploded with applause. A big-looking guy appeared on the screen. He was naked, and his personal belongings were covered with squares of censorship.

- SO!!!! ALL INSTRUMENTS ARE SET UP !!!! CAMERAS WORK !!! The last warning ... It is impossible to help and prompt your Pawns !!! For cheating - pidorstvo !!! YEAR THE ROYAL BATTLE WILL BEGIN !!!!!!!

+++

Planet Earth.

Somewhere in one of the provincial megalopolises ...

The spring evening has already covered the city with pleasant languishing twilight. Everywhere there was this fragrance of dissolving feelings. It would seem, what is not usually in the fact that the pants were flying down? Although no ... It was hard to call cowards. Rather, such a normal trukhan normal! Semeznik! Well, for the work of men ... So, they flew, but I kept thinking, for what did fate prepare me for such a strange surprise? I hung on the ledge, holding on to my life with a few phalanxes of my fingers. Why did I even decide to go to tea to the customer's wife? Maybe ... I wanted this? She is a stately beautiful girl. Not much older than me. The figure she has is nothing like that .... And it is interesting to talk to her. But only here the customer will not accept such humor. He is an evil uncle, the owner of a chain of stores with hunting weapons. It was necessary to plunge so well! I was in it, and then the doorbell rang ... Well, I flew out the window. The first jacket, trousers and shoes flew ... Then a shirt and tie flew ... Then a bag flew ... Well, goodbye ... Panties flew off. They went down so smoothly that it seemed to me as if they were saying goodbye to me. Fingers began to go numb ... I slip ... Damn !! I flew down, but I was lucky, the air conditioner was stuck under me. I hit the balls on it and caught my hands ... It is better to clarify, and then you never know? The fantasy of man is limitless! Come on kondeychik ... Hold me !!!! After all, a person always clutches at life? Damn ... And below the seven floors! Suddenly, the window opened right next door, and I saw a girl. She looked at me quite calmly. Leaning out of the window, she sat down and lit a cigarette.

"Um ... aren't you embarrassed?" - I asked.

- No. Should it? - She calmly asked, and puffing out a breath of smoke in my direction.

- That is, guys often hang in front of your window, being in only their socks?

- Often. - with a shrug, the stranger uttered and shook off the ashes: - You are to the wife of Stafeev?

- How do you know?

- And who else can be so stupid to get out? Eh ... The whole house knows about her adventures ... Except her husband, of course. She loves other members. For her to dabble on the side, akin to me, for example, to smoke. And I often smoke.

- Fuck you! Is she healthy?

"The devil doesn't know him." I would advise to go to the doctor. In it many who visited. I am not a supporter of promiscuous connections, so I can't say for sure ...

- Well, where have you been before ?!

- In the apartment. I'm always in the apartment. The city scares me ... I do paintings. An artist, so to speak ...

- And I do deals! Big deals!

- Are you a wealthy person?

- On like that ...

- Hang here in your socks. As they say - with a dick in the wind. Are you not ashamed of yourself?

- To be honest, it is very embarrassing.

- I think it is humiliating! My advice to you is to find yourself a permanent girl and don't bother you into anyone! - with these words, the girl put out the butt and closed the window. I continued to hang ... After her words, I felt a little uncomfortable. Foolish situation. What is she thinking about? Well, I'm talking about an artist ... If I'd call a fireman! The window opened again and the girl looked out:

- I remember your penis. Can I draw it?

- Yes please...

"And yes, I called the firemen." They will come soon. Hold still not much.

- Yes thank you...

- Here. - the girl took a picture of me and went back home. HECK!!! HECK!!!!!! It's humiliating ... Just humiliating! From below came the buzz of fire sirens. Red Kamaz immediately drove to the house. Comrades stretched the trampoline and started shouting that I would jump. Seven, his mother, floors ... They seriously expect me to decide on this? True choice is not particularly there! Somewhere behind my back I heard a loud "CAR !!". I was attacked by a raven ... CROW, CARL !!!! I, like a kakul, flew down to the trampoline ... It seemed to me, or did it start to glow purple ?! NO!!! HE IS THE TRUTH OF LIGHTING !!!! YES WHAT FOR YOUR MOTHER !!!! I closed my eyes and felt something warm around me ... It was as if warm water enveloped my body! And then suddenly bang! A face in something soft ... What is it? It's still warm ... I felt and ... But it can not be, is not it ...

- Excuse me ... But what are you ... doing? - I heard an embarrassed girlish voice. I crawled back and realized that I was under the skirt of a pretty girl. Only here ... What's wrong with her? It seems pretty! And a sarafan she needs ... And her hair is of a yellowish tint. And yet, what's wrong with her? Looking again, I realized that two cow horns were sticking out of her head, and instead of human ears, fluffy ears were sticking out like a young bull. She flushed with embarrassment.

- Sorry, I did not want to! It was an accident!

- Pervert !!! For accidentally beating desperately !!! - the girl snorted and blushed even more: - And in general! Who are you?

- Basil. And you?

- What is Vasily ... Though you are a pervert, that looks under the skirts ... But still ... I greet you in the Guild of "Sardak"! Welcome ... To ... And stop staring at me! - the girl shyly looked away.

- No, I ... - it was here that I realized that I hadn't been so sick of the campaign! Straight behind the girl stood a real black fortress! There were green hills around ... And I was tormented by one single question - where did I, his mother, hit ?!