2 The Guardians’ Thoughts on Star Wars

Plot: None. Just what the Guardians think of Star Wars.

Tone: Humourous

A New Hope

Quill: Still just as great as I remember. (Although I think something was off about that Greedo scene and I don't know why Loki skipped part of the movie). The Death Star was so cool and the main heroes are great. My favourite character is Luke but Vader is a very intimidating villain as well. (Can't wait for the others to find out about the twist!)

Loki: A great start. Luke is pretty whiny and the lightsaber duels are slow but this was still fun to watch again. Han Solo and Leia are my favourite characters. (Oh, also, what Tony called the 'Special Edition Edits' are mostly pretty bad. I skipped over that Jabba scene because it spoils the reveal in Return of the Jedi and just repeats information we already knew!)

Mantis: I really liked this! Han Solo and Chewbacca were my favourite characters, they remind me of us. The laser sword battle was cool but Obi-Wan's death was sad.

Rocket: The Millenium Falcon was rightfully called junk which I appreciate. That ship's structure is incredibly poor the fact that it can get off the ground is a miracle. Han and Chewie are cool and all but what are they thinking flying around in that thing?

Nebula: I really question the idea of an entire planet being a desert and people with special powers. The lightsabers and Death Star were cool though. The droids are impressive as well.

Drax: I'm not entirely sure I understand 'movies' and why humans are so entertained by them. I was falling asleep.

Groot: I am Groot.

The Empire Strikes Back

Quill: So much stuff was in this movie! Yoda, AT-ATs, Luke training with the force, Obi-Wan as a force ghost, Hoth, Lando! I think I forgot everything in this movie aside from the Vader twist, which was still great.

Loki: Like I've said before, this is the best Star Wars movie, no competition. It defined the trilogy, making one small and frankly silly story into an interesting, fleshed-out world. The force is explained in much more detail and developed the new and old characters in a way that made it all feel very real, despite the fact it clearly isn't. This movie turned Star Wars into a world. It was much darker than A New Hope, taking the characters (particularly Luke) to new places and in the end, they don't even win. They manage to survive but the Empire still rules the galaxy and now Luke is burdened with the knowledge that Darth Vader is his father. Not to mention, Imperial March is also an amazing piece of music.

Mantis: Darth Vader is Luke's father?! How could someone so evil be the father of someone so heroic?! And the heroes don't win?! Han Solo is frozen in carbonite?! I understand why this is Loki's favourite! I want to see more!

Rocket: Darth Vader is Luke's father?! Then did Obi-Wan lie to him in the last movie when he said Darth Vader killed his father?! Did they even think about this?! I don't need sleep, I need answers!

Nebula: The force is much better explained here. Cloud City was also an impressive though impractical place… Okay, I'll admit, Vader being Luke's father was shocking but ONLY because it made no sense! They'd better explain this soon!

Drax: I think I fell asleep watching this because I woke up and the others were suddenly screaming about Darth Vader being Luke's father. That was the most entertaining thing that's happened so far during this visit.

Groot: I am Groooooot?! I am Groot!

Return of the Jedi

Quill: Okay, what did the creator do to Star Wars since I left Earth? Who was that guy with Obi-Wan and Vader at the end? What was up with the dance in Jabba's palace? And what was with the Ewok's song and the Sarlacc pit? They certainly weren't like that when I saw Star Wars. I still love this movie (and cried at Vader's death) but I'm very confused.

Edit: So Loki explained to me that when the movies came out on VHS and DVD, George Lucas decided to edit the films so that they matched his original vision and the original theatrical cuts are very rare these days. Loki also said that the man with Obi-Wan at the end was Anakin but that certainly doesn't look like him! The movies do look sharper now but I miss some of the things in the old versions. Also, HAN SHOT FIRST!

Loki: This movie still carries on the dark themes of Empire I enjoyed (even replaying Imperial March) and the emperor was a formidable foe. However, reusing the Death Star plot was pretty lazy, the scene in Jabba's palace goes on way too long (it does a good job reintroducing everyone but it didn't need to take that long), and the Ewoks really clash with the tone of the movie. The scenes with Luke, Vader, and the Emperor are very well done and create a very dark atmosphere, but when it switches back to the Ewoks, some of that tension is lost. They're not horrible, however. They do use tactical skills to defeat the Stormtroopers which is very entertaining but I do wish they were a little less silly. I also love the inclusion of Lando and how he was able to redeem himself to the group. The same goes for Vader. I love that the conclusion isn't to kill Vader but rather to bring him back to the light and that entire scene is done perfectly. If the pacing and tone were more consistent, this could easily be my favourite.

Mantis: This was my favourite movie so far! The Ewoks were pretty cute, I don't understand why everyone else dislikes them. I love how all the characters come back and they all finally defeat the empire. And Vader died to save his son! It's amazing he was able to redeem himself when it seemed like he was far gone.

Rocket: Okay, so these tough imperial soldiers and their impractical robots get taken down by living teddy bears throwing rocks at them? Seems legit. (Yeah I know Loki will argue with me on this and say there was more to it than that but it was still dumb.) Also, Obi-Wan is a dirty liar. I love him.

Nebula: Why would the Empire decide to reuse their failed Death Star idea? What exactly is their plan here? They already rule the galaxy so are they just trying to scare everyone? Also, why introduce the power of shooting lightning in the last ten minutes of the movie just to do nothing with it?

Drax: Zzzzzzzzzzz.

Groot: I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot!

The Phantom Menace

Quill: What the hell did George Lucas do to Star Wars?! What WAS this movie?! I can't believe they managed to make STAR WARS boring! And not to mention childish! Anakin as a child is an annoying brat and Jar Jar is the worst character I've seen in a Star Wars movie, if I can even call it Star Wars it was so far removed from what actually made Star Wars good! No wonder Loki wanted to skip this! It's awful! Since when was Star Wars about complicated politics?! And don't even get me started on the midichlorians! And Yoda! What the hell did they do to Yoda?! They dumbed this movie down so much that not even Pepper's daughter was entertained! The dialogue is just downright horrible, not like the bland acting made that any better! The only good thing in this whole movie was Duel of the Fates, which I am adding to my music list because damn was that a good song! Up there with Imperial March. Aside from that, this movie was unnecessary, boring, and frustrating to watch!

Loki: This movie can't decide who it wants to entertain. Apart from Quill yelling at the screen and the occasional good action scene, we were all either falling asleep or groaning in annoyance. Not even Morgan was entertained! The political setup was far too complicated to care about, the midichlorians are a poorly thought out addition to the lore (so much for it being energy within everyone!), Anakin and Padme's relationship is incredibly forced, and Jar Jar is the worst character in Star Wars. Despite all of this, however, I don't hate this movie. I don't hate any Star Wars movie. They all have their strengths and weaknesses, this one just happened to have more weaknesses. The action is still very enjoyable, particularly the podrace and the Darth Maul fight, and Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan are actually good characters. Overall, this is the worst Star Wars film.

Mantis: I know everyone has problems with this movie, and frankly they're right, but I enjoyed it. Obi-Wan is my favourite character in this set of movies so far.

Rocket: Why is the technology more advanced in these movies than the last three if this one is supposed to take place before those? Why would a human that young be the queen of an entire planet? Why would the force be based on your blood cells? Why does none of this align with the first three movies?

Nebula: This movie wasn't even worth getting angry about.

Drax: I slept through this one and no one objected. I don't think they liked it.

Groot: IIIIIIIIIIIIII AAAAAAAAAM GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

Attack of the Clones

Quill: Okay, I know who was at the end of Return of Jedi now… I hate Hayden Christensen. I mean, I'm sure he's done well in other movies but good god do I hate him here. This guy becomes Darth Vader? He's far too whiny to become the cold, ruthless Darth Vader. Even when he starts to the dark side all he does is whine about it and I HATE his relationship with Padme. They also botched Boba Fett's backstory. I guess this was better than Phantom Menace but not by much. Although that fight at the end with all the Jedi fighting at once was the first worthwhile scene in any of these prequels.

Loki: The dialogue in Phantom Menace was bad but the dialogue here might be even worse. It's incredibly forced and fake, especially during the scenes where they're attempting to write Anakin and Padme's relationship. (I don't like sand. Why does that line even exist?!) Apart from that, however, this was a definite step up from Phantom Menace. Obi-Wan finally gets some time to shine and actually has an interesting adventure and the final battle on Geonosis is truly a spectacle. If Anakin and Padme's relationship wasn't so poorly written, I would probably consider this movie good.

Mantis: Everyone has probably said this, but this was better than Phantom Menace. Anakin and Padme's story was… awkward but Obi-Wan's adventure was fun, and so was that final fight scene with all the Jedi fighting at once. Anakin's mother's death was also sad.

Rocket: This movie has more focus on the romance than the action. That speaks for itself.

Nebula: I don't really understand what the point of these prequels is. Sure, they're telling the story of how Darth Vader turned to the dark side but so far he's only been tempted by the dark side once. Why is his awkward love story more focused on than him actually becoming evil?

Drax: I fell asleep and later woke up to hear: "I don't like sand." I decided my nap wasn't long enough.

Groot: I... am... Groot…

Revenge of the Sith

Quill: It's better than the first two prequels but that really isn't saying anything. They finally show Darth Vader's fall to the dark side and you know what? His actual turn is the most rushed thing I've ever seen! He literally does it on a whim with hardly any build-up. Anakin just wasn't the cold, calculated badass he was as Darth Vader, even in this movie. He wasn't even really angry, he was just a huge cry baby, even after his turn. Not what I wanted to see. Sure, it had great lightsaber duels but Star Wars is more than flashy things on the screen. I know Loki defends this movie but to put it lightly, I highly disagree.

Loki: So, I actually liked this movie… quite a lot actually. It still has the same problem as the first two prequels: bad dialogue, confusing political drama, bad romance. However, those issues are significantly scaled back here. The story is constantly on the move though it does give some time to let the characters contemplate. It was the first time the movie made me care about what these characters were going through as they felt more real. Also, Anakin's turn was not rushed! The whole movie and even bits of the last movie were building up to it. It started with Anakin killing the Tusken Raiders and resurfaced again here with Anakin hesitantly and regrettably breaking the Jedi code to kill an enemy. Then later he becomes afraid that his wife will die and he will fail her like he failed his mother (This entire conflict makes Anakin so much more relatable by the way). So when he finds out that the Dark side could be the answer to saving his wife, of course, he would become curious. However, Anakin doesn't immediately flip to the dark side when he finds that out. He tells Mace Windu about Palpatine being a sith lord but when Mace Windu tries to kill Palpatine, Anakin stops him specifically because it's not the Jedi way. He was not a sith at that point. Then after Palpatine kills Mace Windu, Anakin is regretful for what he's done but knows he can't go back and realizes that saving Padme is most important to him. However, as Anakin becomes colder and colder, the power begins to blind him eventually resulting in him nearly killing Padme. He also does seem regretful which is necessary to show that he was capable of redemption, which happened in Return of the Jedi! He is not supposed to be emotionless at this point, he is supposed to be angry, hurt, and confused, and they do that much better here than in Attack of the Clones. This movie is good.

Mantis: This was the saddest movie. I mean, I still liked it but seeing Anakin kill children and his wife… I'm just glad everything turns out alright in Return of the Jedi.

Rocket: The movie was fine but the most entertaining thing was watching Loki and Quill argue about it like animals fighting over food.

Nebula: Why were there three of these things? Everything important about Darth Vader's turn to the dark side is explained here. What was the need for the other two movies?

Drax: Okay, I admit, it was harder to sleep through this one but only because the movie was loud constantly. It had my attention but I was still confused.

Groot: I am Groot!

Rogue One

Quill: Finally! A movie that can hold a candle to the original trilogy. The characters aren't nearly as well developed as the ones seen in the past movies but seeing how the rebellion got heir hands on the Death Star plans really tied up loose ends! This story didn't need to be told, but I'm glad it was. Also, I LOVED that Vader hallway scene! That might've been the most epic thing in any movie!

Loki: I agree with Quill on this one. It's quite dark for a Star Wars movie, with all the main characters dying in the end, but it's not overly depressing. And yes, Vader slaughtering everyone in the hallway is the greatest scene in the movie.

Mantis: Why so many deaths all of a sudden? This movie and the last one had more deaths than the first five movies combined! This was still good though. Darth Vader was epic!

Rocket: This movie is about rebels rebelling against the rebellion to rebel against the Empire. Cassian and the droid were the best characters. Darth Vader murdering everyone in that hallway was the best thing. Yeah, I have no issues this time, I really liked this one.

Nebula: This was okay. I don't really understand why the Death Star's weakness was intentional. The exhaust port was two feet wide and it took Luke using the force and having great luck to be able to do it. Besides, it was reasonable to think a ship couldn't get that close in the first place.

Drax: I don't know why everyone kept calling this movie dark. I could see it just fine.

Groot: I am Groot!!!!

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Quill: This new guy is no Harrison Ford but this movie was actually kind of fun. I like that we got to see how Chewbacca and Han met. Not sure why that sith from Phantom Menace showed up at the end. I thought he was sliced in half.

Loki: This movie's story goes in many sporadic directions and the new Han Solo actor isn't as good but aside from that, this movie is pretty enjoyable. I hope they acknowledge Darth Maul again in a future movie or perhaps one of the shows I heard about. I have no problem believing he could have survived, I just want to know how.

Mantis: How is Darth Maul alive?!

Oh, and this movie was pretty good.

Rocket: A whole movie about Han Solo and Chewbacca and all the crazy adventures they went on? Hell yeah!

Nebula: It was okay, but I prefer the original Han Solo. Also, how is that sith Lord from Phantom Menace still alive?

Drax: I woke up to the others yelling again. It was something about "Darth Maul" I honestly don't know.

Groot: I am Groot :)

The Force Awakens

Quill: This was okay. This Kylo Ren guy seems like a recycled Vader and I HATE that they repeat the Death Star plot. Rey seems different enough from Luke though and it's cool seeing the old characters again. I think Finn is my favourite character so far. I love the idea of a stormtrooper turned good and he and Rey make a great team! Also, rest in peace Han Solo.

Loki: This was a decent start to a new trilogy. The story is far too similar to A New Hope but it is still entertaining. Rest in peace Han Solo. My favourite characters in this trilogy are Rey and Kylo Ren. Fight me, mortals.

Mantis: Kylo Ren killed Han Solo! Nothing is okay anymore!

Rocket: Death Star 3's physics make no sense! And they killed the best character in any of these movies! What the hell?!

Nebula: "Why would the empire decide to reuse the failed Death Star idea? What exactly is their plan here? They already rule the galaxy so are they just trying to scare everyone?" Yes, this was just a copy of a past review but this movie was just a copy of a past movie. Rest in peace Han Solo.

Drax: Everyone was screaming about Han Solo being killed by his own son. That's sad.

Groot: I am Groot :)

The Last Jedi

Quill: Nothing is really accomplished in this movie. Finn, Poe, and Rose's side plot was entirely pointless and the stuff with Rey and Luke kind of rehashed Empire. I also wish they focused on Finn being a deserter stormtrooper and Rey and Kylo's weird connection more. Those were the most interesting parts of this movie.

Loki: This movie was the best of the sequel trilogy. It developed the characters the most and was fun to watch, despite not really accomplishing the most plotwise.

Mantis: This was fun. Kylo Ren is starting to be very interesting and I think they're pushing a romance between him and Rey but Loki refuses to answer my questions about it. Also, rest in peace Luke Skywalker.

Rocket: I relate to Chewbacca. I too lost my best friend and am now surrounded by annoying jerks that do nothing but scream and break everything.

Edit: Loki shapeshifted into a "porg" when I showed him this.

Nebula: They never really answered why the force connected Ren and Rey. Or why they couldn't attack each other but then could suddenly touch each other.

Drax: Zzzzzz.

Groot: I am Groot :/

The Rise of Skywalker

Quill: This… this was awful. I'm just gonna let Loki handle this one...

Loki: Damn you Jar Jar Abrams. I had faith in this trilogy, I really did, but this movie makes far too many leaps in logic to be considered good. The emperor is alive after exploding in a pit in the second death star? General Hux is a Resistance spy? Chewbacca was on a different transport? Rey is a Palpatine? What even was Palpatine's plan?? It's still enjoyable and certainly better than the first two prequels but it's still a mess. They even managed to make Rey uninteresting by just having her story be a repeat of Anakin and Luke's stories! In the end, nothing set up in the first two movies mattered and this movie is all flare no substance apart from a few scenes. I expected more from the only Star Wars movie I saw in theatres.

Mantis: This was a little crazy… but I liked it. I knew Rey and Kylo were in love! I can't believe he's dead though! Right after they finally kissed. Also, Loki won't admit it, but I know he likes them together too. (Rest in peace Leia!)

Rocket: I mean… I'm happy Chewbacca lived but it makes no sense. There were not two transports. Finn watched Chewbacca board that transport and it was the same one that Rey shot with lightning. Even if it wasn't, it's a cheap move to make us think he's dead when he isn't. This movie does that a few times actually. It's cheap, manipulative, and flat out lazy. I expected better from the finale.

Nebula: "Your parents were nobody… Oh, wait your grandfather was someone! But I didn't lie!" The entire twist about Rey's true backstory was stupid. In fact, nothing in this movie makes sense and that's saying something in movies about space wizards with laser swords.

Drax: I don't even know what everyone was yelling about this time.

Groot: I am Groot! >:(

Favourite movies?

Quill: The entire original trilogy, though I also enjoyed Rogue One and Solo.

Loki: The Empire Strikes Back is my favourite but I also liked Return of the Jedi, Revenge of the Sith, The Last Jedi, and Rogue One. All the trilogies had high and low points, though the original trilogy clearly had the most high points.

Mantis: I liked all of them but Return of the Jedi was the best.

Rocket: Rogue One and Solo. I already explained why and for the record, Groot agrees.

Nebula: A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Revenge of the Sith. I'm with everyone else on the original trilogy being the best.

Drax: Revenge of the Sith was the only one where I didn't fall asleep.

Groot: I am Groot.

Worst movie?

Quill: The Phantom Menace. The other two prequels were bad but at least I could sort of see the point of them. Phantom Menace was just irritating and childish. Rise of Skywalker was also absurd.

Loki: The Phantom Menace is the only one I'd call truly bad. It had nothing worthwhile to add to the overall story and was hard to watch at times.

Mantis: I liked all of them.

Rocket: The Phantom Menace is pretty unanimously disliked but I also didn't like The Force Awakens or The Rise of Skywalker.

Nebula: The Phantom Menace.

Drax: I didn't really like any of them.

Groot: I am Groot! >:(

Favourite Character

Quill: I've always been fond of Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader is a great villain.

Loki: It depends on the trilogy. Han Solo and Leia are my favourite characters in the original trilogy. Obi-Wan is my favourite in the prequels and Rey and Ben Solo are my favourite characters in the sequels. I also grew to like Luke more upon rewatching these films.

Edit: I just read Mantis's answer… I have no idea how to feel about that.

Mantis: I like a lot of characters. Han Solo, Leia, Chewbacca, Obi-Wan, Finn, Rey, Kylo Ren. If I had to pick, I'd say Kylo. He reminds me of Loki.

Rocket: Han Solo and Chewbacca. They're badass smuggler warriors that accidentally helped save the galaxy. What's not to love?

Nebula: Leia.

Drax: I don't know anyone's names so I'm gonna say the dark helmet guy.

Groot: I am Groot. I am Groot.