12 What A Shameless Macaque

In my Nanhai, my disciple calls me shifu. The beings who don't have a fixed duty call me bodhisattva. Beings like Longnv don't call me if unnecessary.

In other words, only the beings from Heaven and low class in Western Paradise who don't know the truth will call me goddess.

I am not scared of anything but being called "Guanyin goddess".

Because if someone calls me this, it must be that something bad has happened, usually a severely bad incident.

For example, last time when this happened, was someone in Heaven running to my place and crying out: 'Things have gone wrong! Guanyin goddess! That Protector of the Horses Sun Wukong is making havoc in Heaven!'

...From then on, my fate of thousands of years of tragedy has begun. The next morning after I just drove away the disobedient monkey, and when I thought I could spend my peaceful morning watching flowers, a golden-headed Gate is running through my black bamboo grove and crying out: 'Guanyin goddess! Things have gone wrong! Guanyin goddess!'

You have to know that in my black bamboo grove, nothing big will happen more than once in every one-hundred years. Below, people who burn incense and kneel down to my statues are those who seek more children, or marriage, or money, or fortune. Once there is a big thing coming straight to me from the black bamboo grove, it must be a war, or a plague, or a starvation, or any other things like these.

After he calls me, I become scared. Did the mortal world have another disaster when I am not looking? Did they overthrow the king, or a plague burst out, or a dry season have not ended?

I stand up immediately to see him. I see that golden-headed Gate is all sweaty because he ran so hard. He comes to me scratching and scrambling. It must be a severe incident. I begin to worry.

Then, I hear him saying: 'Guanyin goddess, things have gone wrong. That white dragon in the stream has eaten the horse of the Tang monk. Dasheng found me to ask for your help!'

...

Don't you dare say that again looking at my face?

The golden-headed Gate kneels on the ground and raises his head: 'Ayyy, that Dasheng was going to find another horse but Xuan Zang monk is afraid of being eaten by a yokai in the wild alone that he clinches to Dasheng's sleeves and doesn't let Dasheng go. He is upset and crying...'

...

Now I understood. These people's current idea is that a severely bad incident is not a thing; a trouble caused by Sun Wukong is a thing.

This monkey must feel good. When he causes troubles, he doesn't even come to me by himself. He asks others to come to me for help. What am I? A janitor for him?

My janitor disciple hears that there is a yokai that can be beaten, he stops sweeping and raises his ears to listen to our conversation.

I say to him: 'Sweep your floor! It was that Aolie who ate the horse of the Tang monk! It is not a big deal!'

I say to myself: that Aolie is really good at picking food. He ate the horse of the Tang monk, but he is going to be the horse also. He has eaten his buddy that he shall carry everyone's baggage then.

I was going to say that this Sun Wukong doesn't come to me by himself that I am not going to help him, but then I cannot bear when I think of his looking from yesterday. At last, I struggle for a while and then I pick up my sweeping disciple, going to Yingchou Stream.

When I arrive at Yingchou Stream, that Xuan Zang is sitting on the floor crying, clinching to Sun Wukong's sleeve. He cries and mutters: 'My horse is gone. How do I go to Western Paradise?' Then, Sun Wukong shouts back: 'How useless you are! You don't let me go and you want a horse! We shall sit here and starve to death!'

They see me coming and both pull my sleeve to speak to me.

That Tang monk says: 'Guanyin sister, my disciple was too rash. He couldn't fight against that dragon and let that dragon eat my horse. I asked him that: "Yesterday when you surrendered a tiger, you said you have ways to surrender a dragon. How come you couldn't compete against a dragon today?" He cannot bear with any other's questioning or advice that he went back to fight the dragon again without looking back.'

That Sun Wukong pulls me grumbly and says angrily: 'What a good Guanyin bodhisattva you are! I don't care that you put the hat with the tight headband inside on me, but now you let that guilty sinner dragon eat the horse of my shifu after you left it in the stream! You must have done it on purpose!'

I: '...'

Huian didn't bring his black rod with him. He brings up his besom and hit at Sun Wukong's butt madly: 'My shifu saved that dragon all because a normal horse cannot go to Western Paradise. He found this white dragon to be the horse for your shifu on purpose and now you are accusing my shifu all day long. What an ungrateful monkey you are...'

Sun Wukong's lines were cut and he snaps at Huian: 'It is fine if Guanyin bodhisattva lectures me. How dare you a bastard from nowhere talk to me like this!'

Huian sneers: 'My father is the Heavenly King Li! You are the bastard from a rock...'

I am watching that they are going to fight. Both I and the Tang monk want to stop them, but these two disciples are too surly to obey their shifu.

I hear Sun Wukong saying: 'Good! I could have killed you in the previous two times but I didn't because you are the disciple of Guanyin bodhisattva and I don't haggle over these. Now you dare to be so unbridled and Old Sun's cudgel is going to teach you how to behave! You will know that not everyone in the world will spoil you like your shifu does!'

Huian swings his besom and raises his head: 'I am the first disciple of Nanhai Guanyin. You think that I don't know how to cast that headache spell?'

Sun Wukong is stunned and glares. He looks back at me unbelievably and points at me with his trembling monkey finger: 'You you you actually taught the spell to this child...'

I: '...'

He is my disciple. If I die instantly one day, all the Nanhai will be his. Of course, he knows the headache spell as well. This is like a key of the home and there is no reason for me to not give it to my successor.

It is true that my disciple is a little stubborn, but his words aren't wrong. Sun monkey, it is time to have a brain.

Sun Wukong says: 'Good! You all have ganged up and come to harm me! Just wait for me to skin the little white dragon alive and pull its veins out!'

I hurriedly stop him: 'Why are you losing your temper again? That Aolie is a son of the Dragon King of the West Sea. Remember how many treasures you asked from him and what a good friendship you have. Now you are going to treat the child of your old friend like this?'

Sun Wukong cannot do this or that. He is going to explode right here: 'Say, what do I do! He ate the horse of my shifu! Ask him to pay for the horse!'

I can only say: 'Pay pay pay. I will ask him to pay for you. Just remember, take back your cudgel and don't attack.'

Then, Sun Wukong puts away his sea-turning golden cudgel in a huff and stands aside as a cold observer.

I stand above the Yingchou Stream and call: 'Little prince, I am Nanhai Guanyin bodhisattva. This ugly yokai was naïve and offended you. Come out.'

The little white dragon Aolie jumps out from the stream and becomes a man. He covers his belly which he just filled with food and kneels down to me. Then, he runs to me happily: 'Guanyin sister, you finally came! I have obeyed your words and waited here for that scripture taker!'

After that, he aggrievedly complains to me: 'That disobedient demon snapped at me.'

Sun Wukong: '...'

He takes his cudgel in his arms and looks at Huian sympathetically: 'He didn't know?'

Huian leisurely says: 'Now? If he doesn't know, he will.'

Sun Wukong also leisurely stands as if he has foreseen the jetton to revenge in the future. He raises the corners of his mouth and makes an inflatable smile.

I say: 'Isn't the owner of the horse which you have eaten the scripture taker? Don't you see that ugly yokai with a hairy face and a Thunder God mouth? He is your dearly Sun Dasheng.'

Obviously, that little white dragon has over-imagined the appearance of Sun Wukong. He looks at that cudgel-hugging Sun Wukong who stands against the tree. His whole body cannot move as if it is frozen. He raises his finger pointing at Sun Wukong and turns his eyes to me. He says blankly: 'But, but he didn't say he was Sun Wukong or mention anything like the scripture taker. Bodhisattva, are you sure they are...'

Sun Wukong is not an easy guy to deal with and he immediately cuts the line: 'You the unreasonable dragon, you never asked me so why I should say it?'

That little dragon has never experienced such a thing and he watches his ideal hero becoming a declasse monkey who verbally abuses anyone he sees. The little dragon is the kind of character of naïve righteous and he cannot bear with the abuse. He feels wronged and gets mad. He doesn't care whether or not this monkey is the ideal hero in his mind and shouts back straightly: 'Didn't I ask you: where did this rude demon came from? You said it didn't matter and was going to beat me with your cudgel! How can such a monkey be a disciple of the scripture taker or be a monk!?'

Sun Wukong picks up his cudgel and is coming at the little dragon. I stop him and he even snarls: 'You ate my shifu's horse first! If I didn't get there in time, my shifu would have been eaten as well! You even ask me to treat you with politeness?'

The little white dragon doesn't dare to face him and he tries to hide behind me. Sun monkey has got his reason and is going to teach this little dragon a lesson. These two are circling around me and I feel a headache.

I thought that one is Sun Dasheng who had endured sufferings and the other is the little dragon who almost got killed and they shall be more mature than before after their dooms. Now it seems to me that suffering didn't work on them.

They circle around me and Huian doesn't know what else to do but holding his little besom in his arms. He hurriedly says: 'Go fight elsewhere. Don't circle around my shifu!'

The little white dragon anxiously says: 'Muzha brother, we have met in Heaven. Please help me!'

Huian says: 'You knew you couldn't fight against him or win him orally. Just apologize. Look at him. Does he look like someone who is reasonable?'

That little white dragon didn't even apologize when he was going to be killed in the sky and now his eye sockets turns red because he is verbally abused directly by someone. At last, he hides himself including his face behind my shoulder and gnashes out his words: 'I apologize! It is all my fault and I shouldn't have eaten the scriptures taker's horse! I am going to be the mount for the scriptures taker anyway! What's the matter? I will carry all the baggage as well according to the plan!'

That Sun Wukong holding his cudgel wants to point at the little white dragon through me and says: 'Now you even have excuses. I will beat you this loach...'

The little white dragon drags my sleeve and shouts at him: 'I am the third prince of the Dragon King of the West Sea! You—you!' He was going to curse that monkey, but he doesn't dare to do so in front of me. He unpleasantly says to me: 'Guanyin sister, please ask that Sun Dasheng to not beat me. I can kowtow to him to apologize.'

I catch one side of that monkey's cudgel and my other sleeve is in the little white dragon's hands. I look at Sun Wukong with my twisted body: 'The little prince has said that he will kowtow to you and apologize. Forgive him and forget this. He will be the mount of your shifu in the future and carry you both to Western Paradise.'

That Sun monkey looks at me and looks at the little white dragon behind me. He rolls his eyes and I don't know what he is thinking. He sits on the ground straightly and throws away his cudgel, complaining: 'Receiving scriptures is such a suffering. I doubt that I will meet powerful yokais who I cannot beat or curse, and I will just die on the way because of that. Old Sun is not going to receive the scriptures now. Not going, not going!'

...

What are you flouncing about on the ground again?

There are yokais who you cannot fight against? How can I believe this?

Your shifu asks you to not fight and you will listen...?

He has passed half of the way. If he gives up here, Tathagata will nag me to death. That Jade Emperor will blame me as well. In conclusion, I am bonded to them and I have no way back.

I ask him: 'Are you sure you are not going to Western Paradise?'

The monkey sits on the ground and peeps at me. Then he shows a pitiful look sitting on the ground with a side of his cudgel in his arms: 'No.'

I ask him again: 'Aren't you afraid of being called treacherous and leaving things unfinished?'

Sun Wukong peeps at me again and keeps on flouncing: 'I will kill anyone who backtalks about this! I will see who dares to do it!'

I am not stupid. He is asking for better treatment. He becomes smarter in a few days. When he is stupid, I am bothered. When he gets smart, I am more bothered.

I say: 'If I call you treacherous, are you going to kill me as well?'

Sun Wukong says: 'Even if I am not treacherous, bodhisattva you are calling me ungrateful in the back anyway.'

Fine. He wants better treatment and I shall give it to him.

I say: 'If things get severely bad, I will appear if you call me. When the situation has gone that bad, I will come help by myself. Come here and I will teach you another magic.'

I pull off three leaves from my willow bottle and transform them into hair and place them behind the monkey's head. I say: 'When you have no other solutions, use these and they can save you.'

Sun Wukong grins and stands up after he is rewarded after flouncing about: 'As the saying goes, children who know how to cry will get the candies. Old Sun thanks bodhisattva here!'

Pooh. Shameless!

I take off the shiny pearl on the little white dragon's head and transform him into a normal horse. I urge him to not argue against Sun Wukong ever and then I am going to leave here with Huian.

Yet, before I could even ride on the cloud with Huian, he suddenly falls on the ground with the besom in his arms, crying sorrowly: 'Shifu, cultivating in Western Paradise is so painful! When can I clear all the leaves in that black bamboo grove? I am not going to cultivate anymore! Not going to!'

...

...

...

It is time to drive this traitorous disciple out of my Nanhai.