6 A Troublesome Monkey

I have said it before that I don't want to talk about anything related to this troublesome monkey.

I don't care if he is good or bad, or if he is a No.1 hero of the world or a real troublemaker.

What I know is that since he is thrown to be my responsibility, my future thousands of years, or tens of thousands of years will not be peaceful.

After Buddha made this decision, I wanted to change my job and find another position elsewhere, but I thought about it that deities in the East are all bad and God of Christianity is busy burning heretics and gays. *Sigh*. Although Sun Wukong is troublesome, Buddha is a good guy who is better than any other boss.

I didn't want to talk with Sun Wukong either. Last time I met him, he was nailed through his shoulder blade and was being knifed and chopped.

But I cannot keep silent as this troublesome monkey is shouting beneath the mountain: 'You dare to rake up my past! Don't you dare to come to the mountain bottom!? I am going to see which bastard has courage to mock me at top of my head!'

Then if he wants me to go down and I go down, I will lose my face.

I stand on the mountain top and say to him: 'You with last name Sun. Do you recognize me?'

That Sun Wukong is pressed down beneath Five Element Mountain and his body cannot move. He twists his neck and rolls his eyes to see me. He sees me and suddenly smiles: 'I recognize you. How can I not recognize the Mercy Goddess Guanyin bodhisattva in Putuo Mount in Nanhai? You are so kind that I have been imprisoned here for hundreds of years and no one remembers to see me. You are the first one! Now I know the kindness of bodhisattva.'

He has said that I am kind that I cannot let him keep rolling his eyes to see me. I take Huian to the mountain bottom and stand in front of the monkey head.

I really dislike talking with this troublesome monkey that I am too lazy to act polite. I speak straight: 'Do you want to get out from this mountain?'

The answer is in no doubt. This monkey likes to move around and he has been pressed here for five-hundred years. He cannot move or sleep well, and he has nothing to eat. His one day here is like a year. How can he endure this more? Without saying more, he will beg me to get out.

What happened next is out of my control. That monkey raises his eyes, staring at me. His Eye of Truth flashes a sharp ray of light and he laughs aloud: 'NO, NO, NO!'

Among all his limbs, only his head can move. He is shaking his head, shaking off some dusts and rotten leaves. He says: 'I was born from a crack on a rock. I have no parents or relatives. Tathagata imprisoned me beneath this Five Element Mountain with no reasons and now he wants me to lower my head to him?' His facial expression turns cold, and he poohs at the ground hard: 'He daydreams!'

This monkey loses his temper again. Five Element Mountain shakes but it stills presses him tight. He raises his head and sneers as if he doesn't have a mountain on top of his body: 'I am immortal. I have no attachment. What can Tathagata do to me?'

I say: 'Oh? You monkey has a big ambition. You can go after Tathagata even though you are imprisoned here?'

The voice of Sun Wukong is getting higher. Every word from his mouth is like a copper ball thrown on the ground. He speaks powerfully: 'What can being imprisoned do to me? How do you know if this mountain can press me forever? That buddha cultivates for tens of thousands of years and I shall wait for him for tens of thousands of years here. As long as I live long, I will be more powerful. It will be a matter of whose longevity is longer!'

After he played these words, he grins and says: 'I don't want to go after him. I have some questions for him to answer five-hundred years ago which he didn't answer me clearly. If he answers my questions, I will obey his words and call him Buddha as well.'

That will really be...

Great!

This monkey mob is difficult to correct. I am afraid if one day he is enlightened, he will still be trouble. I didn't expect him to be so insensible to give up his promising future.

Awesome! Now I can take Huian back and later when I come back to Western Paradise, I shall tell Tathagata that this monkey is disobedient and doesn't want to apologize. Then, if Tathagata wants him to listen to words, he will have to come here by himself. Tathagata this otaku who doesn't want to leave Western Paradise is never going to this Five Element Mountain to enlighten this monkey.

He will not~

I am happy for the moment, and I am going to leave here. This monkey suddenly says: 'I have heard that Guanyin bodhisattva is all-knowing. Can I ask you a few questions? If you manage to persuade me, I will listen to your words. I will do whatever you ask me to do. I will not regret.'

I was going to turn around and leave, but I have to stay because of his words. I ask: 'What do you want to ask?'

Sun Wukong says: 'This question I have asked Tathagata on that day when I made havoc in Heaven. Now I am seeking an answer from bodhisattva. That Jade Emperor doesn't distinct right and wrong. He is so narrow-minded. How can he be the leader of Heaven? Do you see if he has saved any life or enlightened any being? Since such a brutal guy can be Jade Emperor, how can I not be Jade Emperor too? Tathagata said, Jade Emperor has lived longer than me and he has been cultivating since he was little, and has endured through one-thousand-seven-hundred-fifty inexorable dooms so he can be Jade Emperor. Now I endure my inexorable dooms as well and I am still that troublesome monkey who makes you Guanyin bodhisattva headache. So why can that Jade Emperor be Jade Emperor just because he lives longer and endures more? This is one of my questions.'

'My second question is this. I have seventy-two transformations; I am immortal; I know how to ride Jing Dou Cloud and one leap of mine can travel 13468 miles; I also have Eye of Truth and my three-thousand duplications. If Jade Emperor solos me, he may not defeat me. Tell me, why I am the one being imprisoned beneath this Five Element Mountain when Jade Emperor is just being unreasonable here and there?'

I ask: 'Then according to you, the winner is the king and the loser shall obey?'

The monkey laughs and says: 'Yes, yes. That Jade Emperor cannot compete against me so he played dirty to harm me. What kind of moral guy is he?'

I say: 'It doesn't matter if he is a moral guy or not. He still sits on that high chair and you are imprisoned beneath this Five Element Mountain.'

The monkey looks up at me and grins: 'Good bodhisattva, don't beguile me with these words. I know you are a good bodhisattva, but you don't want to offend that Jade Emperor. You don't want to say his wrongs. You avoid it and avoid answering my question. Now I know bodhisattvas are also afraid of Jade Emperors. It seems that Western Paradise is just like Heaven which has no good persons.'

Of course, I will not answer his questions. He is so squishy and he knows I can refute his words. But if I refute his words, I will have to talk about the right and wrong of Jade Emperor. That old guy will not let me backtalk about him. I cannot imagine how troublesome it will be if he goes to Buddha if I do so.

At first, Tathagata is already bothered by the diplomatic problem in Western Paradise. I cannot make things worse for him.

I ask him: 'Then according to you, if one is not good in your eyes, one is not qualified to be a deity?'

The monkey laughs and says: 'Yeah yeah. None is qualified. All are dumbasses.'

I sneer: 'Then according to you, these deities are all bad but they still take care of their duty. Again, you are a good monkey but you a good monkey has not done a good thing.'

'Tell me. You have killed. You have stolen. You have rebelled. Even your shifu Master Puti doesn't allow you to say he is your shifu. What part of you is good?'

He is struck by my words and wants to refute, but he is hurt when I talked about Master Puti. For a while, he doesn't know what to say.

I speak again: 'However, if all humans, deities, and buddhas are good, this world will be not good. Yin and Yang should exist together. So do right and wrong. When there is light, there is shadow. No one is perfect. How can one have not made any fault? Even when one has become a holy being, one will make mistakes.'

'Look at me. I am the Mercy Goddess Guanyin bodhisattva in Nanhai. I live longer than anyone. My mistakes are more than anyone's, but this doesn't make me unqualified to be Guanyin bodhisattva. Our buddhas have human parts, and we make mistakes as well. If buddhas are just buddhas and not humans, we will not be here talking about passion and mercy for humans. We will be out there in the space and talk about passion and mercy for planets. Buddhas are humans first. If a buddha says he was not a human, he is not a good buddha. Do not trust him.'

That monkey is in a daze: 'You as Guanyin bodhisattva in Nanhai. You are all-knowing. How could you make mistakes?'

I say: 'You look at my disciple. He is weird like this. Can you say I have taught him to be a good disciple?'

Huian: '...'

Sun Wukong looks at my weird disciple closely and says drily: 'Not good.'

Huian: '...'

Sun Wukong says: 'Okay. Even Guanyin bodhisattva is willing to admit a fault, I shall admit my fault as well. I was being rude on that day and I shouldn't have make havoc in Heaven. I shouldn't have stolen those peaches, but I must admit that even though I was wrong, that day of making havoc in Heaven was joyful! If I can, I will make havoc in Heaven some more times!'

...

This is not an apology.

...

This is not an apology at all!

The monkey says: 'Having said that, don't these deities control humans' life and death and their incarnations!? They design humans' life and death as well! You buddhas only talk, but these deities are all bad. Bodhisattva, if you explain to me clearly why my life and death must be managed by Heaven, on the day when I get out from this mountain, I will go to your Nanhai and kowtow to you for thousands of times!'

*Sigh*. I knew this monkey was going to ask this question.

Yet, this question is a disaster itself.

I say to him: 'Deities weren't deities. They will be what humans think they are. Humans gave deities the power to regulate themselves. If one day no one believes in deities, then Lingxiao Palace will collapse and disappear totally.'

'Ah~ Monkey. If there is no a good deity, it means that there is no a good person in humans. Deities are reflections of humans.'

The monkey is amazed and stares at me blankly. He asks me cautiously: 'Really?'

'Really.'

The monkey says: 'If one day people no longer remember you mercy Guanyin bodhisattva, do you not help humans anymore?'

I tell him: 'Even for me Guanyin bodhisattva, I am not immortal. If one day no one remembers me, I will disappear and become a pile of ashes. However, I becoming a pile of ashes is not a problem. All buddhas in Western Paradise becoming a pile of ashes is not a problem, because our passionate heart comes from humans. Even if there is no more buddhas, as long as humans have a passionate heart, they can save themselves too. So I have told you: a buddha should be a human first in order to be qualified as a buddha.'

This Sun monkey doesn't create a disturbance this time. He tilts his head and thinks. He suddenly speaks: 'Okay! Your Western Paradise has some good buddhas. Tathagata doesn't want to talk about these questions to me. Now I know why he doesn't want to. Guanyin bodhisattva is better because you have made things clear to me.'

I: '...Please close your mouth. Our Western Paradise doesn't have a good buddha either.'

That monkey looks at me and gives me a malicious smile: 'Guanyin goddess, monkey has one last question. If you can solve this for me, I will apologize to that Tathagata immediately.'

I don't know why but I have a feeling that I am jumping into an exploding volcano.

Sun Wukong looks at me and looks at Huian. He grins: 'Goddess, you have such a beautiful look. Why don't you avoid arousing suspicion? You have such a handsome disciple close to you, serving you all day long by your side. Aren't you afraid of being gossiped?'

...

Huian darkens his face. He looks at Sun Wukong as if he is looking at a corpse.

I see that Huian is holding his iron rod. I know he is finding an excuse to beat this monkey.

...He can fight anywhere but not at Five Element Mountain. He can fight anyone but not against this monkey.

In order to prevent my weird disciple rushing to beat the head of the monkey, I have to answer his question.

I say to Sun Wukong: 'Our Western Paradise doesn't have idling deities from the East. Also, you might not know that, Wukong. I, your Guanyin goddess, am a guy.'

Sun Wukong suddenly opens his eyes wide and looks up at me as if he was just struck by a thunder. He looks at my face and then looks at my dress. He cries out: 'Bodhisattva! Don't fool me!'

*Sigh*, I have said it before. Our Western Paradise has different values from Heaven.

Why there are always people coming to break their values here?

Sun Wukong loses his energy immediately like a vegetable in the snow. He curls up beneath this mountain and rests his head on the ground. He stops moving.

Huian suddenly raises his rod and thuds at the top of that monkey's head.

That Sun Wukong is aggressive normally, but today he is not mad. He doesn't move when Huian hits him. This monkey is like a dead monkey.

I say: 'Why are you taking advantage of another's perilous state when he is pressed beneath the mountain?'

Huian says stuffily: 'His head has nothing inside. Why can't I hit it?'

My weird disciple is very stubborn. He doesn't listen to me speaking. If I talk too much, he will not even give me a response. However, Sun Wukong is here and I cannot beat my disciple in the public, so I can only say to him: 'We shall leave for Tang Dynasty after we told him about the scriptures taker. If you beat him to death, you shall follow that scriptures taker to get the scriptures!'

Huian sneers: 'He will not be beaten to death. He will not. His head is very tolerant to hitting. Don't worry, shifu.'

...

Huian is using his rod beating the left and the right of the monkey's head. He mocks: 'After a few hits, I think this troublemaker's brain has something inside. Let me hit it more to see if it is a good thing inside or a bad thing inside.'

...

Sun Wukong says with a sorry-looking: 'Little ascetic, please don't keep hitting. Old Sun's brain has nothing good inside. From now on, Old Sun will listen to bodhisattva's teachings and will not cause trouble anymore.'

I: 'Are you going to guard the scriptures taker to India?'

Sun Wukong: 'Yes. I will never regret.'

I ask again: 'If he accuses you, hit you, and drive you away, do you still view him as your shifu?'

Sun Wukong: 'Yes. Only if shifu doesn't want me anymore, otherwise I will never dare to leave him.'

If you were obedient like this at the beginning, how much time we could have saved.

I finish explaining to Sun Wukong and my weird disciple is still thudding that monkey's head. The Earth Deity and the Mountain Deity of this area are standing aside, looking at me with sympathy. Their eyes are obviously saying:

Guanyin bodhisattva, is your disciple mentally retarded?