1 A Fake Guanyin Bodhisattva and A Real Sun Wukong

Due to the over-hyped propaganda of the Buddhist Propaganda Committee, all the world believes that the Western Paradise is a paradise of holiness and pureness.

*Sigh*, I have told you all that over-hyped propaganda is not a good thing. You as preachers have made us look like an enthusiastic pyramid selling organization. What reaction do you expect from those inside the Western Paradise?

As Buddhas, they live in a world in which flowers bloom and fruits ripen every day. Tell me, what other wishes do they have? Everyone has no sense of time. For example, someone says: 'Let's save the world!'

There will be Buddha saying: 'Sure. Let us prepare for one hundred years and then we shall go.'

Things that have existed for a long time have the potential to be a spirit; buddhas who have existed for a long time are prone to be lazy.

I, the Goddess of Mercy, the One Who Perceives the Sounds of the World, Guanyin Bodhisattva in Putuo Mount, Nanhai, of course, am a fake the Goddess of Mercy, the One Who Perceives the Sounds of the World, Guanyin Bodhisattva in Putuo Mount, Nanhai.

I am from the 21st century.

Since I have lived for too long, I have forgot my past. I don't remember my past name, or how I died in the 21st century. My memory is like a white empty ground of clean. I was not a buddha, but I have been lazy enough to become a buddha. However, at the beginning, I was not lazy like this.

As a buddha from the 21st century, I enjoyed all the buffs that the Tathagata Buddha cast on me, but soon I realized that the more abilities you have, the more responsibilities you have. No one will grant you so much power for nothing. His goal is to let me work for him willingly without getting paid.

Of course, I have my payment. I have lots of incense money from all my temples built by humans. I finally understand after being extremely tired but couldn't karoshi because I am a buddha, that knowing what happened in the past, and what will happen in the future, and having hundreds of thousands of statues as my incarnations, and existing everywhere is not a good setting! No matter how much incense money I receive, it cannot heal the damage in my mental mind.

I didn't want to know what that ugly old man had done with his young pretty wife yesterday! I am going blind!

During the first few days when I became Guanyin, I couldn't deal with these at all.

Although I have countless incarnations, I only have one brain of my own. Due to the setting, I will know things in the past and in the future, from all four directions, everything. To be honest, I doubt my mind will be blown to disorder at the beginning.

Unfortunately, I am a bodhisattva, so I will not have a brain disorder. I will never have a brain disorder no matter how much information I take in.

After I am finally used to this horrifying setting, I am used to everything. I am used to my body of immortal. I am used to the huge information flow every day. I am used to my spoiler life. Suddenly the Tathagata Buddha says to me: 'I have pressed and imprisoned that monkey which rebelled against heaven under the Five Element Mountain.'

Everyone in the Western Paradise says: 'We knew it.'

The Tathagata Buddha says: 'I think it is not good to imprison it forever. How about we let it go in five-hundred years.'

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????!!!!!!

Although the Tathagata Buddha has left many classical long-lasting scriptures, he doesn't talk like a scripture all the time. Speakers are like that. They act official at the podium, but they talk casually at ordinary times.

In fact, this thing had nothing to do with me at first, but he suddenly turns to me and I know I am in trouble.

He says: 'From now on, he is your responsibility, Guanyin bodhisattva.'

If my past time as Guanyin is a pond of stagnant water of calmness, Sun Wukong must be the scary troublemaker from nowhere. As the all-knowing bodhisattva, I don't know what this monkey is going to do next. This guy born from the rock has a rock brain and he drubbed all thirty-three levels of heaven and left no peace in the Lingxiao Palace. Even I do not know what he is going to do.'

My 100% spoiler life caused by my supernatural power suddenly has a variety in one day.

This variety seems to be born to be a troublemaker of mine.

In fact, the rules in the mortal world are simple. The more common a thing it, the worthless it is. Things like trees, flowers, bunnies, birds, or even humans, can become a spirit usually. It is easy for them to become a spirit and once they become a spirit, they don't have much power. However, a rock had never had a spirit coming out in the past that once it has, the rock spirit leaves no peace in the world.

As a result, after Sun Wukong was born, I always think that if a pile of shit gives birth to a shit spirit, will this shit spirit be more powerful than Sun Wukong?

Due to this reason, I even turn in my suggestion to the Six Circles Management Committee and ask them to treat shit well so that they cannot give birth to a shit spirit accidentally which will cause a great influence in the world.

My action does not aim to blaspheme gods because everything is equal in buddhas' eyes. A pile of shit is no different from a gold bar. There is never a distinction. This is the buddhas' level.

Yet, the problem of why I am sitting on a lotus flower instead of a pile of shit has bewildered me for a long time and I finally come up with an answer: although everything has no distinctions in the enlightened eyes, things have distinctions in the mortals' eyes; in order for the mortals to better understand Buddhism, we choose items according to the mortals' eyes to define our actions.

However, this profound idea doesn't help my suggestion to be approved. My colleagues only have one reaction to my suggestion: since Guanyin has so much free time, Sun Wukong shall be taken care of by you.

In reaction to this, I refuse it.

I am a straight forward person and I don't like making references in a conversation, so I say no.

Sun Wukong is not only a troublemaker, he is the biggest troublemaker I have ever seen in my life. Wherever he goes, there is no peace.

Now the Tathagata Buddha clears his voice.

He says, 'According to you, a pile of shit is no different from a gold bar.'

I say: 'Yes, but I am talking about the inner of these two items. They are still different on their outside appearances.'

The Tathagata Buddha says: 'So, the essence of these is the same.'

I have to admit that he concludes it well, but we are having a meeting right now. We are not preaching, and I am flustered when he suddenly changes the topic.

At the end, he concludes that: 'So, giving Sun Wukong to you and not giving Sun Wukong to you are the same in their essence.'

I: '...'

I really want to refute that you cannot force me to do this in this way. Everyone knows Sun Wukong is a nightmare in all three circles. We used to have our casual life and he drubbed everyone's life into a disorder. This is really troublesome.

This guy is avoided between heaven and the Western Paradise for hundreds of years. Every department has been saying that they don't take this monkey. At last this Sun Wukong is in front of my door, the door of Guanyin bodhisattva. What is more unfortunate is that I carelessly have a door slit.

*Sigh*, why did I turn in my shit suggestion? Well, now I have to take care of Sun Wukong and everything.

The Tathagata Buddha speaks, and I can give my advice. I cannot refute because he is my boss. He pays me.

In the end, I say nothing.

He seems to try to comfort me and says: 'Your suggestion about shit is interesting. We will consider it.'

Actually, I had other things to say at the beginning.

I wanted to say that both the Western Paradise and heaven are a pile of shit; everyone is a pile of shit, but everyone is used to this pile of shit that no one thinks it is not good; one day Sun Wukong fought and entered heaven, mashing all richly decorated and jade palace in heaven, overturning the jade pool and the peach grove; then they realized that behind these colorful clouds in the sky, heaven is no different from the mortal world and hell.

The problem is that everyone thought there was a big difference.

When everyone realizes that there isn't any difference, the real trouble comes.

These silk costumes, jade ruyi, that peach grove and jade pool, that golden palace and the throne, these celestial drinking in the bottle of Queen Mother, these endless daytimes upon the thirty-three levels of heaven... these endless beauty, goodness, auspiciousness, and harmony in mortals' eyes.

That is the difference between clouds and mud.

This troublemaker intended to tear up these gorgeous costumes, to trash these golden jade bowls and throw them into ash. He has let everyone see what is behind these richly made costumes, these beautiful goddesses, and these celestial elixirs.

The end of what the mortals expect to have from auspiciousness, harmony, and long-living.

This guy, no, this monkey, no, this rock, represents more trouble than I expected.

Under the circumstances, I have no chance to reject. I can only ask my last question: 'What if Sun Wukong picks on and uncovers these departments again? What do I do?'

I have said it at the beginning. Over-hyped propaganda is not a bad thing, but insiders need to deal with bugs.

The Tathagata says: 'Find problems and solve them.'

I understand it totally right after he says it.

If Sun Wukong accidentally discovers a bug in this beautiful scene, I have to fix it and make another beautiful scene.

This is not Sun Wukong's journey to get scriptures at all.

This, this, this, this is my Guanyin's journey to get scriptures for them!

The order from the Tathagata Buddha is profound. Let me translate it to human-understandable words. It is mainly three points.

First, I will need to design their nine times nine, eighty-one adventurous difficulties on their journey. We want people to think that our Buddhism Propaganda Committee is up high and although we want to get more followers, we want the qualified followers. In words, we will have selections, tests, and hardships for them.

However, we cannot have these difficulties too difficult. If we got no followers at the end, we all will die from having no followers.

What is more, the Tathagata Buddha has decided the one who is going to take the scriptures away. Although he didn't say it out loud, I am not dumb and I know it too. If that scriptures taker makes an easy journey, that will be my fault. If he dies on the way, that will be my fault too!

*Sigh*. I know the Tathagata Buddha is a very nice buddha. He is probably the nicest buddha in the world. But the world is like this, no one is perfect, including buddhas. I don't like him treating me in this way.

From now on, I am in a dilemma: I cannot only do what he told me to do and I cannot avoid things that he didn't tell me to do; I only have a small gray area where I can do stuff.

Then, I have only one way left.

I am going to design an adventure which is impossible for the scriptures taker to finish by himself. Then, I am going to cheat for him by myself.

As a result, later in order to express the sincerity of our buddhas, I carelessly put my foot in my mouth: 'No matter what happenes in the future, just come to me and I will help.'

I thought, this would be perfect.

But I didn't expect...

That god damn it Sun Wukong does whatever he wants and beats everyone he sees and comes to me for help.

At that moment, I sadly tell him the truth: 'Sun Wukong, you are really the biggest troublemaker, I as the Mercy Goddess have ever seen in my five-thousand years of life.'