Self loathing
Underneath the strikingly chilling air-conditioning in a corner, Itika found a table for two in the cafeteria. It was recently emptied by two men which explained why the seat was so warm. She lodged with her small sling and a fiber tray that had a medium salad and a chocolate muffin that she had chosen for supper. She had no appetite after the mortifying twenty-three takes of one simple shot. But, she had an apple for lunch, and her belly needed food even if she had to force it down her throat- a curse of inheriting high blood sugar from her parents which had meant taking care of her diet every three hours of the day. Luckily for Itika, she loved discipline. She wasn't as neurotic as to have a bathroom schedule but she always took care of what she put in her mouth, and when.
The cafeteria was as big as the one above, except this one had more people-mostly in their middle ages. They looked like they were enjoying hearty meals. The one she had been to earlier barely had foods on the tables. Even the attendants behind the food counter merely stood there. No one to ask for their service. It had to do something with the crowd she assumed. The one above had a younger crowd-mostly young women of Allura, whose love for makeup had probably made them hate carbs. The type you know can only exist in glamorous places like this one. The type you see in movies.
Mixed with a lack of food for hours, the vent right above her head had started to give her a headache. Its chilling breeze was hitting the sweat in her scalp, making it unbearably cold. If she sat there any longer, she was going to fall sick. With a mouth full of lettuce and tomatoes, she got up and pushed her chair away from the vent and pulled the hood of her jacket all the way to cover her forehead- a welcoming sheath from eyes around her. This was what she had been missing since the last week-time to herself, time away from people and the humiliation of screwing up her first ever break.
A pepper shaker, a ketchup bottle, some sort of oil in a bowl and her fibre tray was all she could see beneath the leather hood. Itika was feeling so thankful for deciding to hang her jacket around her shoulders before she got into the town car. Jacob had insisted she use the studio's car wherever she had needed to go. 'You are our guest' he had said when she had phoned him to let him know she could come on her own. Jacob was extremely professional when he was calling directorial shots but otherwise he was unexpectedly thoughtful and welcoming. Maybe that's why she felt embarrassed after the blunder of a shoot. Jacob didn't get anything to work with from Shawn and her.
Why couldn't he just keep his ego aside and concentrate on his work for a few minutes? Itika exhaled weakly before she put another spoonful of lettuce in her mouth. The tiny chunks of baked chicken were spiced perfectly and complimented the paleness of her salad which had no dressing, just the way she preferred. The hoody was helping more than she would think amidst a hundred people; it had shut out her brain from the noise, even psychologically. It felt as peaceful as sitting in the sound proof hotel suite with her phone switched off and the TV muted. She wanted to go back. Not to her home. But to that beautiful, cloudy bed.
She would go soon. For now, there was something much more important that she had to do. Once her salad was over, Itika pulled out her cellphone from her blackish-blue bag and dialed Shawn's number.
Within seconds, the call was rejected.
How surprising.
Itika knew Shawn was going to act upon his anger but she hadn't known her saying no to a date was going to affect him so much that they weren't able to work together. That wasn't how work ethics worked. It could be something else that was stopping him from acting. Maybe he wasn't good at it. But he had made eight videos before and more than fifty parodies for YouTube. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. If Itika was the reason of him not feeling the scene then she'd better do something about it.
'I don't need to do anything, but I should.'
A lot of people were involved in the shoot. Others weren't able to proceed because of their differences. Itika wasn't going to let that happen. She was much too considerate about people who worked with her. She better not be slowing them down.
Shawn had rejected her call. She decided to wait and see whether he texted back or even called. She had a feeling that he would. And knowing men, they usually did. They cooled down faster than women. It was now just a matter of waiting to see how long it took for Shawn to respond after rejecting her call in the very first ring.
The crust of the muffin was harder than she liked. She didn't like biting into it. She broke it on a plate and ate the crumble little by little. It was a weird habit, no doubt. But after a year of dieting to lose weight and controlling her sugar levels, she had learned to control her hunger. Eating her favorite foods as slowly as possible helped her enjoying small portions for a longer time and eventually getting bored of eating.
She had immense control over her impulses.
Unlike him...
It wasn't justified even for Shawn Rayo to stall everyone else's jobs just because his ego was acting up. There was a fat line between personal and professional matters, Shawn should have known how to keep them separate. All they had to do was look at each other and he had to grab her hand and take her to the room. He couldn't get those expressions right.
Itika was no better, she reminded herself. They had both sucked equally. Although, her bad acting was mostly a reaction to his. That had got to be it. Truly, she wasn't a professional actress but she could act. Whenever Shawn dropped his expressions, Itika unknowingly dropped hers. Argh! It was one of the worst things she had been a part of. She was embarrassed by herself. She wasn't going to be able to forget the shoot for years.
Half hour had passed since her call was rejected. Still nothing.
The dry muffin was devoured to its last iota. Still nothing.
As if the longer she waited the more confident her intuition got that Shawn was going to make a contact.
And then it happened…
Her silent phone buzzed.
It was him.
'You had something important? I was busy.'