2 Fuckers stopped believing

I have to confess, Brutus my cellmate, is a good man. Except still calling me his mother and occasionally attempting to sleep on my lap, he is a good man. I've heard bad rumours about prison mind you. They said it was a place full of druggies, psychopaths and crazy people in general. Wonder how this completely unfounded rumour came up. Anyway, I waited for Brutus to be fast asleep because to be honest, where there is smoke, there is fire. And I did not want to find out what else Brutus did with his "mommy" at night. I slept huddled up in a corner of the cell. Hoping for god's(my) sake that there's no drunk homo put in prison tonight, because let's be honest. He'd choose me over that hunk Brutus any day.

-SIGHS-

I woke up with the bright warm sunshine falling on my face. Or so I'd like to claim, but of course, no such luck. It seemed all my efforts from day one when all I had to say was "let there be light" were of no use to me now, how the mighty hath fallen. Anyway, it was of course, our old friend Brutus who woke me. Apparently, his age had regressed further during the night and he was crying for milk now. And that was about the extent of my patience when he started grabbing my slight manboobs, I started shouting for the police because that's what you do kids. When a grown man starts grabbing your tits. Or sleeps on ur lap for that matter. The only good thing about going to jail was that I got to spend the night under a roof. Even though it was with someone with some very serious mommy issues. The officer even gave me some clothes, I guess I can forgive him for not worshipping me. This time. For now. Because I didn't have any method to punish him anyway ╮(° ▽ °)╭

So I head out. With old musty clothes. And exactly zero.....oh I found a couple of bucks in the pant pocket. That police officer, I'll definitely reward him once I'm back. If* I'm back.....

We gods get our powers from the people who have faith in us, so there's still hope. All I have to do is somehow improve my image and voila! Back to heaven in no time. you know what, I'll start right away!

"Hey there ma'am, would you like the hear about this religio...." I guess not. She's probably busy "good morning sir, show faith and god will...uh sir excuse me sir. why are you speeding up suddenly. Wait stop running!"

-pant pant-

I did not think this through.

"Ma'am please listen to me, I'm not a suspicious character" she looked at me the same way I was looking at Brutus yesterday.

"That's exactly what a suspicious person world say shut up before I call the police" anything but that. I can't owe anything more to the officer. I have an image to maintain after all! I guess I needed a better plan. I was sitting on the sidewalk, racking my brain about how to get more followers, I've heard it's a common problem for the youth nowadays. Getting followers. Except they want it on this thing called instagram. Whatever that is. I liked the past more. It was much simpler then. Send a son down there, get him to do stuff like change water to wine, put a demon into pigs, write a book, get crucified. So much simpler. I was lost in my pleasant memories when someone tapped my shoulder. I looked up, a tall man wearing a black suit and black sunglasses was looking down at me. "Dude. How did this happen?" My eyes shone. I couldn't believe it. My time had come. The first loyal follower to recognize me. With his I'd soon get back, Slowly but surely I'd regain humanity's faith in me!

"You recognize me, loyal follower! yes that is right. I am the invincible, the unexplainable, the force that drives the universe! The absolute, almighty!---" he removed his shades "ohhhh. It's you"

"That's right. It's me, the monstrous, the cunning and tempting, the incarnation of evil the-" I interrupted " Yeah yeah, been there done that, let's move on"

"What did you do man, why are you here?" the devil asked

"Nothing. Fuckers stopped believing! What about you, what happened?"

he sniffled a sob, I could almost see a tear at the corner of his eye

"I was replaced. They said I was too....good."

I was horrified! "They didn't!

"That's right, they did. Now I'm stuck on earth."

"What are you doing now then, you must be trying to get back into hell."

He sighed

"Not really man. It's not that easy. For now I'm working there." He pointed to a store across the street there was a big sign up front titled-

WALMART

"You're kidding, right?"

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