I start saying the best point of this novel: the idea behind it. In fact, we have very few novels with a female protagonist in the VRMMORPG genre and this is what attracted my interest in this novel. Although I don't hope for a story at the level of 'Reign of the Hunter', I very like a story in the same genre.
Now we can start with the negative points in the story. First of all, it is the 'Writing Quality'. The grammatic is good except for some typing errors. On the other end, while the syntax is correct, the whole fluidity of the text is absent. This is one of the worst points of the novel because it increases the difficulty of the reader to identify oneself with the protagonist and to enter inside your story. In fact, when I read the novel I felt like reading of a machine which does one action after another without transmitting any emotion or attachment to the characters. In the end, while the reader can easily understand what you mean, it also feels like viewing the story from an external point of view detached from everything that happens inside the novel.
Regarding the 'Story Development', until chapter 6 you center the whole narrative around the ******st action of the protagonist, so the previous life events were only briefly described in a few lines and you didn't even give the protagonist an objective for the present life that isn't the obvious 'revenge'. In order to improve this part, I advise you to read the first few chapters of 'Reign of the hunter' that I personally consider a masterpiece of introduction to a novel.
The 'Character Design' and 'World background' are almost completely absent. The protagonist is described only physically, but the psychological part is absent ( I don't want an explicit description of her mind, but it should be derived from her action and thought, while what we have it is a list of actions and their motivations). The protagonist's parents should be important, being one of the reasons why she isn't happy in the previous life, but you only mention them for their death. You need to introduce them in the current life in a way or the other because they are fundamental for the protagonist state. The next character that you introduce is the protagonist's best friend, but what we know of her is the name and that always follow the protagonist, you didn't even mention her job in the game!!!!!!!! Also, what is the relation between her and the protagonist to follow the latter for 10 years of meaningless work in the game? Furthermore, you didn't give the minimum description for real and game worlds. For the first, we only know the year, neither the city nor the country in which the protagonist lives. For the game world, we know only that it is a fantasy world with magic, you could write some description of world history, its macro-geography, and power structure in the tutorial of the game. Moreover, the first monster that the protagonist fights is said to be a boss in the text while the description defines it as normal, you can't put the protagonist against a boss monster from the start, otherwise you imbalance the game putting bosses all over the place. If you want to write some scenes in order to describe the strength of the protagonist, you should refer to 'Rebirth of the Thief Who Roamed the World' (this is also good reference material for your story of a thief in a VRMMORPG). Also with the first protagonist's attribute screen insert also her skills, otherwise we can't understand her fights, additionally, why does a thief need to have a bomb skill from the start?
This is only my personal review of the novel and the author has the final say in everything, I only hope that hint for further improvement.