41 CHAPTER FORTY ONE

"...I can't believe it... at this age, you pull something like this... hear me?"

Caiden was talking to me while dragging me towards his mansion, but I couldn't hear much. I was so dizzy because of the alcohol and all I wanted to do was to laugh. Especially because of his mask and huge black glasses, which made Emily and Jason unaware of who he was. But, I knew, if I did something like that he probably would've cut off my tongue. So I gulped, trying to keep it in.

How funny was that? I tried to do something stupid and he caught me immediately! To be fair, I deserved any kind of punishment he wanted to give me. Maybe even more.

With a deep sigh, he got a better grip on me while opening the door. It felt weird to be carried like a princess. It was a while since that happened to me.

And to be carried like this by Caiden... made me blush so hard that I tried to hide my sinful face with my hair.

I could see his face through my messy hair and one of his eyebrows rose, looking at me in confusion.

"What are you doing now?"

"... I'm shameful. Please, punish me."

"??"

His eyebrows rose in confusion. He gave me a look, and, even though I couldn't see his eyes, I blushed harder, lowering my eyes.

"I mean, you should be, as everything you've done so far is plain stupid. But... oh heavens, it doesn't matter anymore, I'll just put you to sleep and probably guard your door in case you have funny thoughts again."

I sighed. I wish he was angrier at me. I wanted him to be so angry at me, to punish me, to make me understand how bad of a demon he was.

"Why don't you act more like a demon? Stop being so nice." I told him, while he opened my room's door.

He froze, looking at me like I was crazy. But, he was the crazy one. Why was he acting so nice? It confused me so much. I hated that grey zone. I wanted it to be black or white. Demons bad, angels good. Hell bad, heaven good. I wanted it to be the way religion taught me. It would've been much easier for me.

A growl came from his closed mouth and then he threw me in the bed, making me wince as it wasn't as soft as I hoped.

I raised my head, confused.

He took off his glasses and mask and threw them on the ground, angrily.

"So now you decided to stop being nice to me? I meant your personality, not you throwing me like I'm some kind of trash..."

But I couldn't finish my sentence, as he quickly got in the bed, pinning me down by holding my hands with such a strong grip that made me wince in pain.

"You want me to stop being nice to you? You want me to be a damned demon, to hurt you and punish you?"

His face was awfully close to mine. His body was towering over mine and my stupid brain was excited about that setting.

'I mean can you imagine all that rage in bed...?' A small voice whispered seductively in my head but I shut it down quickly.

I couldn't do that. It would've taken me years to move on from it!

His breath on my neck made me go crazy so I tried to break free from his grip, without any success.

"...let me go." I said, pathetically, trying not to look in his angry eyes.

He let go of one of my hands but didn't have any intention of letting me free. With the other hand, he managed to get both of my hands in a steel grip and I winced again. He was hurting me, but he couldn't care less.

He, suddenly, grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"You want to be let go now? After you've been screwing me around? I've been so nice to you so far, and, yet, you still want to go and die and make me lose a powerful pawn? If I didn't need to use you, Ivy, I wouldn't have appeared in front of you again. I'm not concerned about humans, and that includes you. Can't you just listen to what I say in order to stay fucking alive? I'm benefiting from it as well, and you won't lose your head. Should I make it clearer or do you finally get it?"

His whisper sent shivers on my spine and made my skin tingle, but his words... made my blood freeze in my veins, as a sudden snowstorm came over me. I tried to nod, but I couldn't as his hand's grip was tight.

We had been staring at each other for ages. Gradually, his anger started melting and he sighed. He let go of my chin and I felt I could breathe again. But, he still didn't remove the other hand.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

He looked down at my body and frowned. I cracked up.

"I'm a vampire. See? I'm a demon as well."

He gave me an incredulous look and I laughed again. He smiled and caressed my long hair, letting his fingers run through it.

"I'm glad you are not a demon, Ivy." He suddenly said and I widened my eyes a bit.

To be honest, the position was very uncomfortable but he seemed to have calmed down so I couldn't risk asking him until he let his guard down completely.

"Why? It seems fun. Destroying other demons left and right, hanging around with a few trusted ones, like Xsilia, and you get to experiment so many things! I would never be able to do everything I ever wanted until the day I die. But, if I lived forever... I could try out everything I ever wanted."

He gave a sad smile and lowered his body, almost touching it with mine. I gulped.

"Running errands for an eternity, watching yourself becoming colder and colder because time passes by so quickly, everything you ever cared for disappears... your emotions, the only thing worth living for... become number and number... until you feel nothing. Is this what you wish for, Ivy Moore? To simply be a hellish puppet, a guardian of this Earth, to make sure that humans can a fulfilled life? I'm jealous of you. I'm jealous of humans who can feel, laugh, love, and die, peacefully. I want that too."

His lips were coming closer to my mouth and I panicked. I wanted to taste him again. I wanted to do it. I knew I shouldn't have done it but screw that. I was drunk. He wanted to feel alive. So why the hell not?

I broke free from his grip, making him widen his eyes, but I suddenly grabbed his face, pulling it so close that our noses were touching.

"Then why don't you get that? Why don't you become a human? Can't you do that?"

He chuckled, pressing softly his lips on mine.

"... this was supposed to be a secret, but I'm working on something."

"Hmm?"

But he didn't say anything else, as he pressed his lips on mine, opening my mouth and making me tremble, as his hands grabbed my short skirt and ripped it off with just one, fluid movement.

***

My eyelids felt so heavy that I couldn't open my eyes even though the annoying light was making me uncomfortable. I winced, shifting around in the bed when I touched something hard and warm.

I opened widely my eyes, only to look at Caiden's peaceful sleeping face. A horrified expression slowly crept on my face. What did I just do?!

Flashback from the last night came to my mind and I grimaced and turned around, trying to keep down my heartbeat.

I was so, so, so stupid. I couldn't believe myself. Why did I do that? He was an asshole! He used me, pretended he cared about me being safe and all that crap, and then managed to actually satisfy his human body's cravings? And I just let him?

I closed my eyes tight, cringing. I was such an idiot.

"You're awake already?"

His sleepy voice made me shiver and one of his hands crept on my body, pressing down on my belly. My face became red as his hard chest touched my back.

I was so weak in front of him. I couldn't even tell him to stop, as his heavy breath came on my neck and memories of last night kept going on in my head...

I had to be strong.

"Don't touch me." I said with a small voice but he retreated immediately.

I could sense him shifting and finally raising his upper body. I turned around to look at him, careful to keep my body covered.

"My apologies. I guess you did it just because you were drunk last night, correct?" He said with a cold voice and I shivered, involuntarily.

"You know how weak people are mentally when they are drunk. It was a mistake. Why did you even do it? You haven't done anything before or even immediately after you came back. And now, suddenly, you wanted to have sex? Why are you so confusing? You know I have feelings for you. You could've gone to someone else if you needed it so badly. Not to me. Why?"

I knew the answer. Because he couldn't care less. Because he was a demon and I was an easy target. Why would he bother to find a random girl around when I was there? Why would he be bothered by the fact that it would hurt me, even more, when I would try to move on again, eventually? Of course he wouldn't care.

"... I can't tell you what you want to hear. I just thought... it was just something to kill the time I guess? My demons still haven't found Kasho, so we are stuck here for two more days... and you seemed to want this so... I know you got angry at me for suggesting this, but I thought it was just your pride speaking. And the matter with your feelings... you don't have to worry about that. I'll erease your memories even if you don't want to."

I widened my eyes, throwing him a scandalized expression.

"Excuse me?! Can you be a bigger asshole than this?! I told you to not mess around with my mind! You even said you can't do that because you 'touched' me?!"

I was so angry that I forgot about my naked body the moment I raised my upper body. He threw me a quick glance and turned his head, but I couldn't care less about that at that moment.

"I think I have a way to 'untouch' you. But that will have to wait until I find a remedy for your badluck... which I hope it will happen soon. I already have a lead on that, and I will take care of it as soon as Kasho is dead again."

"Untouch me?! What the hell?? What lead? Why do you never tell me anything, especially when it involves me?"

I was so angry at him. How could he keep so many secrets when they were about me? How could he control my life how he wanted? How could I be so stupid to let him do it? I knew I was just a human and I didn't have much power against him, but... how could I have feelings for such an asshole?

He gave me an impassable look and, suddenly, grabbed me by my face, pulling me closer to his body.

"You know that information is power. If Kasho catches you and you leak anything, it can mean the end. He will try to get any information you have, so if he finds out about your bad luck, how much you mean to me, or anything else he can use that against me. So why can't you just shut up and stop asking questions? Do you really think I would do all these things for nothing? If you were just a mere human I would've killed you until now, just to mess around with Kasho, as he wouldn't have any other leads. Can you please stop being so narrow-minded and get the hint?"

I was at loss of words. I didn't know what to believe anymore. Was I plain stupid and he was just toying around with me? Or was he telling me the truth and, perhaps... I could mean something more to him?

A bunch of questions suddenly rose in my head. When did he start feeling more towards me? Was it back in the past? Was it now? Why? Was it my face? Maybe he just said that because he wanted sex? Or maybe he liked my personality?

I had no idea what to think.

Seeing my confused face, he sighed and bored his black eyes into mine.

"Just trust me this time, Ivy. I'll tell you everything later on."

"But... you said you are going to erease my memories? Why would you say all of that? You're contradicting yourself."

He grimaced.

"... because it can't happen. Whatever I want doesn't matter. You'll die in a few decades anyway. It's useless. I don't want to get into darkness again. A few weeks should be fine. It'll be just a taste. Now... stop asking anything. I won't answer. Trust me, please. I'll tell you everything."

I scoffed.

"Does it matter, if I won't remember anyway?"

He smiled, brushing my cheek with a tender feeling.

"It does for me, as I will remember." He said, and pressed his lips on mine, once again.

I answered back to his kiss, even though I had mixed feelings. If I won't remember anything anyway, why couldn't I have some fun, at least?

Then why did I feel so sad?