Regret

It is true that when you are now in the face of death that you realized how much that person loves you.

And realized that the feelings I believe hate is actually to love.

Now that I'm nearing death, I realized how much I love that person who is running towards me with fear and dread paste unto his always cold face. I saw him tumble into the slippery ground but nonetheless, he got up and continue to run.

I know that I will be dead in a matter of seconds before the car in front of me will collide with my fragile body.

It seems that the gods gave me a small moment just to glimpse at him before I cross into the afterlife as the time, the surroundings slow down.

My eyes never left his body, even though I can only blur pictures because tears keep flooding out, I still can picture his handsome cold face in my mind. The man who I always hate and misunderstand every single time, the man who never say a word every time I hurt him with words and slaps because of the things he never even deed, the man who always gave protection every time someone wants to hurt me and the man who I realized had loved from the very start.

I hate myself for everything that I did to that man

I want to slap myself for my own stupidity

My naivety

I want to scold myself how much an idiot I am for believing those people's lies instead of listening to his part.

I'm such a fool

And in the end

I just let myself run into their plans to ruin him

And one of them is my own death

I smiled bitterly

What kind of life I gave to him all this time

Pain?

Hurt?

Humiliation?

Of course, it is, thats the only thing I give in our 10 years of being forcefully married to each other ah.

I deserve this death many times but seeing him again before I die.

In my mind, I don't wanna die yet

I don't want to die before I repay all the wonderful things he's given me

I don't want to disappear before I can love him again

To show him how much I love him

To say sorry to him for all my mistakes

If he can accept me again

But alas, these wishes of mine will not come true as my time is up

I think this car accident is my karma for hurting him so long

I will die today and the last thing I will see is his face

" Ahhhhh" I looked at the grey sky

"I didn't know it was raining ah... This is truly sad" the small drops of rain concealed my tears and comforted me from pain

I looked again at him who was stopped by a concerned man from getting on me

He is struggling.....

It hurts.....

My end is nearing so.....

At least....

I want to give him my smile, the only thing I can do now

A smile of goodbye

A smile full of my discovered love

I smile to the best I could as if the crazy car in front of was not there, as if I didn't care that I will die soon as I look at him with a look of love.

"SULI! NO!" I heard him begging me

But what can I do? Even though I want to move my body was paralyzed and wounded from the gunshot I catch which is to be led to his death.

I don't want you to die because of them

I don't want to see you die because of me

At least, the good thing that I can do for you is to protect you from the long time schemes of those people I once trusted with my whole life

Now that I ruined their plan, I can sigh in relief knowing that you are fine

I can only smile because I can't fight the time.

I hope in my next life if the gods gave me a chance

I want to be reborn again and love you with all my might.

To pay those people for their sins

"Gu Jianyu, I'm sorry and I love you"

"Goodbye"

"I hope can be with you again one more time"

Closing my eyes, my body already crashed and flown up to the sky before crashing hard again into the cold wet ground.