31 Secure, Contain, Protect

The man who came through the door looked confused and scared. The orange outfit he was wearing looked a lot like prison clothes, with a nametag above where his heart would be. The nametag didn't have a real name on it but instead read 'D-1789'.

He also had all sorts of equipment on him, like a helmet with a flashlight on it and a radio device and a GPS.

"..." Everyone stares at each other in silence for a few seconds until the man's radio device starts making noise.

"D-1789 do you copy? The GPS isn't able to track you anymore. We have no clue where you currently are located at. Can you still hear us?" Hearing the voice from his radio, the man looks down at the device before looking back at me hesitantly.

I give him a nod, and he reaches for the radio device. "I hear you, I think I'm in heaven… or Switzerland, one of those two." He says after looking out the windows and seeing all the mountains that surround the cafe.

"We suspect you have been transported to another dimension. It's a good thing your radio has been designed to work cross dimension. Can you describe what you are seeing or where you are?" A different voice comes from the radio, there is probably a team of researchers on the other side.

Instead of letting him answer, I walk up and take the radio. "Hey there, It's me, God. And no, not the 343 God though I do know the guy, sent him down to your universe for a vacation a few billion years ago, how has he been?"

There is silence on the other side as the researchers are probably trying to figure out what to answer.

"Uhhh… SCP-343 has been good… What happened to the man who we sent?" I hear lots of background voices discussing me in the background. The question most likely just has the purpose of buying time. I doubt they care about the lives of D-class personnel.

"Oh, he's completely fine, just standing around, here I will let him confirm it himself." I put the device in front of the man's nose, and he says he is fine.

"You mentioned knowing SCP-343. Could I get either your name or something similar to ask him about you?" A third researcher asks.

"I'm called Kira. Remind old Sadman for me that he only had 1.5 billion years left on his vacation before he has to get back to work." After I say that, the line goes silent once again as they probably ran to 343 to check in about me.

What I didn't know was that the researchers are laughing their ass off knowing the one they have been calling god is actually named Sadman. No wonder he has refused to say his real name.

(No offense to anyone out there named Sadman, I hope you become Happyman in the future)

Seeing as the line has gone quiet, I give the device back to the D-class and turn to Hestia. "You can send team RWBY back to the simulation and make sure to get them out when they are done. I'm probably gonna go visit a different world for a while."

Hearing me, Hestia, and team RWBY head back over to the simulation part of the cafe with Loki following them.

I turn back to the D-class. "So, what did you do to end up as a D-class test subject?"

He starts counting on his fingers, "Murder, shoplifting, bank robbery, mugging, kidnapping…"

"Damn, that's a lot," I say, but he just continues to his other hand.

"Terrorism, escaping prison, torture, rape, selling drugs…" He goes back to his first hand, seemingly ready to list more crimes, but I stop him.

"Alright, dude, I get it. I regret asking you anything." I gotta say I'm not a big fan of this guy. I gag him and tie him up tightly, placing him next to the door so whoever comes from the SCP foundation next can pick him up on their way out.

Right now, there is nothing for me to do but wait for the SCP foundation to talk about me with 343 and report everything to the O5 council to decide what to do next. I sat down and watched RWBY in the simulation for a few hours until a man in a suit arrived.

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[Item #: SCP-???]

[Object Class: Safe]

[Special Containment Procedures: Unable to be contained. The Foundation has attempted to build state-of-the-art containment cells around the door, but no matter what measures are taken, the door teleports outside the containment cell and into the O5 council's meeting room. When there is no designated meeting room for the O5 council, the door teleports around the homes of the O5 council members.]

[Description: SCP-???, nicknamed 'God's Cafe' by Kira, the owner of the mysterious door. The SCP takes the form of a door not connected to any wall. Those who walk through the door appear in another dimension: a cafe located in the middle of an unnamed mountain range. The cafe is operated by SCP-???-1, who calls himself Kira. SCP-???-1's origins are unconfirmed but rumored to be connected to SCP-343.

The space inside SCP-??? can be used to gain anomalous powers through completing missions in other worlds and the usage of the Dungeon Simulation feature. The O5 council have a high interest in the anomaly but so far have been unable to gain any benefits from it.

SCP-???-1 has been designated as the most powerful anomaly The Foundation has ever encountered, thankfully he appears to have a friendly attitude towards The Foundation and everything we do. On his first visit to our world, he neutralized many dangerous anomalies, including SCP-682".]

[SCP-??? has not been numbered.]

[SCP-???'s file is only available to the O5 council.]

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