12 Let's go to the Movies

"Carlie, are you coming, the bell just went?" Emma is pulling on my hand. I must stop zoning out today.

"Yeah, of course." I grab my tea, which is at the perfect temperature now, and we walk to our tutor room to be registered for the day.

It's lunchtime and, as it's sunny for once, we're piling into the back of Jay's car to go for ice cream. Archie had called shotgun so I'm squished into the back seats – which are scattered with empty water bottles and McDonalds wrappers – between Austin and Emma. As the sun is out, Jay rolls down the windows of the fiesta and we all blare tunes out to anybody that will listen.

"Carlie!" Jay shouts over the speaker that's playing, "Any chance we could spend the afternoon at your house, Mum has her book club over or something?"

"Sure, nobody's home, Luke has lessons all day I think."

"Are you and your Dad okay now?" Austin whispers into my ear, slightly too loudly.

"Your Dad is home?" Emma says at a volume even the man on the moon could hear.

I feel myself blushing red as Jay gives me a thoughtful look in the rear view mirror, "No, there was just an incident on Saturday night, that's all."

"I was with you all day yesterday, why the hell was I not told about this?"

"I didn't think it was that important, I don't think he'll be coming back so I just didn't want to have to talk about it."

"But Austin knew and I didn't."

"He walked me home, he saw my Dad, he doesn't know anything else."

Jay's ears burn a little red at that and I swear I could see a hint of jealousy in his eyes in the mirror but he keeps them on the road instead.

"I just wanted to make sure she was okay," Austin continues, "And when she said it was her Dad I knew it wasn't my place and so I left, I promise I didn't do anything more."

"I can't believe this, Carlie, I am meant to be your best friend! What did he want?" Her cheeks are flushed red, matching the polka dot sundress she is wearing today.

"It's not of importance, I just want to drop it, okay?"

"Did he know?" She motions to Jay, who is still intently focused on his driving.

"Yes," I say sheepishly.

"So everybody knew but your best friend didn't."

"I didn't," Archie raises his hand from the front seat.

"I don't care." She turns away from me, her head moving so quickly that her hair whips me in the face, "Jay, drop me off at home, please."

"Emma, don't be like this please," Jay begs without any real intent, he's never really been Emma's biggest fan, he said she was overdramatic. I can't imagine where he got that from.

"Drop me off at home."

"Okay," I say, "Do you really want to know what happened with my Dad?" Anger builds from my feet upwards until I can feel a fire in my chest, "He wants to come home. He wants to get back together with my Mum because he honestly thinks he's changed as a man. But I know him, he's cheated on every single one of his girlfriends and he likes to blame them for it despite his inability to keep his trousers zipped.

"But yet, my Mum still goes running back to him because she loves him. But what the fuck even is the point of love, if it can drive somebody that crazy? She wants to run back to my Dad, the lying cheating scumbag, because her heart is telling her that he is good for her.

"She spent the night talking things through with him and I didn't know what happened because I told her that I didn't want any part of the relationship. I told her she was stupid if she thought he could ever change. I told her that there are so many better men for her. She told me that I didn't know what I was doing, she said I was only a child.

"I would've told you, I really would have, but for the first time on Sunday afternoon I was reminded for once that my life didn't have to revolve around the heartbreak I had suffered recently," I can see Jay frowning back at me in the mirror but I can't stop, "I could still go out and have a really good time with my best friend and take my mind off of everything. So will you please just let it go and come back to mine and watch a fucking movie? I really can't take any more heartache for the next few weeks okay."

She smiles meekly, "Okay… As long as I can pick the film."

"Deal."

She pulls me into a hug and we rust our heads on each other for the last few miles of the journey. I can see Jay taking quick glances at me whenever he can but I don't want to look back. That was not about him, that was about my messed up family and my friendship.

After everyone has lumbered out of the car, Austin remains for a few moments before letting me out of his door, "I'm really sorry, I would never have brought it up if I had known it was that bad," He says.

"Don't be, I'm grateful that you checked I was okay."

"Who would I be if I wasn't concerned for one of my closest friends on this side of the pond? Come on," He grabs my hand, "Let's go and see what disastrous movie is awaiting us."

Emma and Archie are already raiding the snack cupboard when we get inside and Jay has already established his spot on the big sofa – his usual. Austin runs to help the other two with the snacks while I walk in and sit down on the opposite sofa:

"Please don't sit there." Jay says, as I'm padding down the cushions, "We're friends, don't sit across the room from me just because we're not a couple anymore."

I do as he says, although I'm pretty scared that I won't be able to breathe in such close proximity, and sit beside him. I make sure to leave a few inches between us so I'm not even tempted to reach out and grab his hand or snuggle into him.

"Sorry, I guess it was just a precaution."

"We're friends now, no precaution necessary."

"Good, I'm glad." I give him my cheesiest grin and pull the blanket from atop the sofa around me, offering the end to Jay. He accepts without hesitation.

"I'm really sorry to hear about your family by the way, I didn't realise you had spoken to your Mum since," I can see in his eyes that he's desperate to reach out and comfort me but we both know that would be disastrous for us both.

"It's okay, honestly, we both said what we needed to say and I'm not even sure whether they'll get back together, maybe my words have stuck with her."

"Did he really cheat on your Mum? Why didn't you ever tell me that?"

"I don't know."

I do know, it's because I wasn't even meant to know that. My Mum had been crying to her friend about it on the phone when they initially broke up. I was eight and I was sneaking into her room to let her know I had wet the bed for the fifth night that week. I stopped when I heard the mention of my Dad, hoping she was going to say they were getting back together, but she started crying more and collapsed against her wall, blubbing about the new girl that my Dad had chosen over her.

I ran back to bed and cleaned up the mess as best I could, though the blurred vision proved difficult, and I've never spoken to her about it since.

"I guess I just didn't like talking about it. It just kind of slipped out earlier."

"I'm so sorry to hear that ba – Carlie – I feel really awful for you," My heart jumps at the nickname that almost left his lips.

"Thank you," I force a smile, "I hope to God she doesn't get back together with him, she's grown too much to sink back to that level."

"Agreed, your mother is the strongest woman I've met." This time he does reach for my hand and squeezes it, "Well, the second strongest."