Chapter 1

I open my eyes with the noise from kitchen. I heard my mom shouting ," wake up Samten. U will get late at school." I was in grade eleven. With my one eyes open while others one is still closing, I look at my watch where I found its already 8 'o clock.



There I stood up with shock where my mother is laughing at how I was acting. I rush into washroom. I quickly brush and wash my face thinking that I will be late to school for morning social work as I only have twenty minutes . I may get late and today's teacher on duty may read my name at assembly Infront of anyone was only I could thought. So I get dress up into my uniform as soon as possible and ran out of house. 



It only takes 10 mins walk from my house to school but today I have some unfinished homework I had to be done as I left it undone so that I can do that before social work starts but am already late. But I have a good habit of pitting things like books, that I have tomorrow by the night before I sleep. I know that we left important things at home while we are in hurry. So I don't want to left things at home which I need at schools. 



I ran towards class where I could see few boys and girls are writing something in class, may be they are writing homework too. I grab my English notebook out of my bag and I start writing my homework that yesterday miss Sonam had gave us.



Soon bell rang for social work where all students left out of class to do work. I was glad that I done my homework on time. Sometime I would wish I was a boarding students ( those who get all three meals and even spend their night at hostels till there is break) because boarding students get more time to study under control of warden and matron ( warden for boys and matron for girls to monitor) . 



They do morning studies, evening studies and even night study for an hour which means they get three hours a day to study. But we dayscholar get hardly to study as we have to do chores at home. But it's rare case, most of our parents know the importance of our studies where they won't disturb us if they saw us studying.



My mom would never disturb me even when am studying unless something really urgent came up. I like the way she care about my studies. I always used to tell her that it's okie to disturb me if am reading library but she won't ever disturb me. She would rarely let me do the chores . Sometimes I would feel guilty to let her do work all by herself. 



I rarely play out with my friends, even during weekends and even in schools. Actually I don't have best friends as I always stay silent and I won't ever involved in them while they had conversations and I would always stay in my own world. I would just stay with them because I have no where to go or spend and even they won't bother me. I would always fake my smile when am schools because I don't want no one to pity me. 



Inside I can tell that anyone in my schools will pity me if they know how I feel to be friends with them( karma, Dechen, Sonam and Pema). All of them like to do heavy makeups. All of them had got same height but Dechen is little more tall than others. Karma had curly hair but it suits her. She is white in complexion. Dechen has straight hair but not really silky. She is not black nor white but more of brown in complexion. I like the way she laugh. 



Whe she laugh, everyone starts to laugh as the way she laugh is unique. Both Sonam and Pema had got same looks as well as same behaviour. Most would think they are twin when they are not. They both like to keep short hair with fringe. They are white in complexion with straight hair. Both has big eyes which made them more beautiful. 



They would always discuss things among themselves but not to me. Sometimes I wonder whether they think of me as their friend or not but I would always calm myself thinking that, it's going to be okie Samten, one day anyone will leave you, even your shadow leaves you when your in darkness. And one day, the other four friends that I have will part as they will have their own life. So I was used to it. 



I was friend with them since last year and I wasn't bother by their behaviour at all. I only pretend to be having same interest as them when someone is looking at us because I don't want others to talk pity things about me. Last year I would always shed my silent tears thinking about how my friends treat me at school every night before I go to sleep. But these year I can see myself becoming much stronger and am no more in pain and am no longer shedding tears. 



I would sit with them even during lunchtime to eat with them but for them I 'm just stranger. Sometimes I could sense that they don't want me as their friends because I can see that they are always laughing and enjoying when only four of them are together but their smile fade as I starts to join them. 



So most of the time I used to stay at my sit as if it's glue with it unless it's time to go home and have lunch or I have to visit washroom and most of the time I walk alone. we are all in grade eleven and we all took science stream. But Pema and Dechen is bio science just like me where karma and Sonam are pure science. Karma and Sonam at least talk to me sometimes but Dechen and Pema would never unless they want something from me. 



Since we are in grade eleven most of the students who are in grade eleven would hang out after schools not much focusing on studies as it's home exam and not board exam. So did I. 



But I never had a habit of hanging out with friends as am not interested in such things nor I do have friends. I Neva take my studies serious but I would always do my homework on time. When I reach home I would enter in my room and most of the time I would spend my time reading novel , mostly from wattpad.



My mom would rarely visit at my room thinking that am studying and she don't want to disturb me. So she never bother to visit me. I only had my mothers who cares me. My father, he leave this world when am two. I have one elder brother and two elder sister but they never care about me. 



They all get married. Sometimes I wish to have my father by my side when I can't endure my pain that I always had to carry but all people hate me even my father though I haven't done anything wrong, except my mom.



So I never and ever want to hurt someone ( mom) who is always by my side through both thick and thin. And I always promise myself and I always used to pray to leave me by my mother side always so that I can stay by her side when she need someone to help her. And the most fearful that I have in my mind is leaving my mom behind . I want to give her comfort life she wish and I would never want the only person that I love to leave me behind.