1 Chapter one

5:45 pm. I was almost late to practice. Practice starts at 6. I have to be there early to set up the mats. I sat with my leg shaking. My mom must have noticed. She turned on the radio. I started to relax. Music always helps me to relax. I put my hands underneath my legs and instantly regretted it. My arms stung from earlier. The newest cuts still tender and the older ones deeper. I started humming. I didn't know the song but I didn't want her to change the station. Radio Disney. I liked listening to Radio Disney. The song ended. They started talking. I wasn't listening. I was looking out the window. The sun was setting. It was pink and blue and purple. It was beautiful. It was calming.

BTS. They said BTS. I knew about them. My friend loved them. I never cared about them. The song was starting and I was leaving. I kissed my mom and went to the gym. I wish I knew how the song went. Maybe it would have been good.

Saturday. It was on Saturday. It was when I woke up for cheer and heard my Mom's shouting. They were fighting over me. One wanted to move me to an art school in Busan. Korea. One wanted to move to an art school in Sydney. Australia. I wanted to stay here. Lebanon. Connecticut. I didn't get a chose. I am only 16. I don't have a say. I pulled down my sleeves and got out of bed. I dragged my feet to the bathroom. I didn't want to go to cheer. My team only had four non-assholes. We had 15 girls. I wanted to stay in bed and listen to the radio. But I couldn't. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I didn't want breakfast today. I changed my clothes into shorts and a long sleeve shirt. I put my cheer shoes in my bag and went downstairs. My moms stopped. They looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. Faking emotions run in the family. I walked to the car. It was sunny and bright. Summer weather was here and I hated it. It was getting harder to hide my cuts. My moms would ask questions. I sat in the car and turned on the radio. Radio Disney. They were talking about them again. BTS. I smiled thinking about my friend, Gin. She would have been excited. The song came on. The same song that played when got out of the car yesterday. I liked the beat. I turned it up. It was nice. I wasn't listening to words. I couldn't understand them. They were singing on Korean. I don't speak Korean. BTS. I liked it. DNA. I liked it.

It was decided, I was moving to South Korea. They made the decision last night. They bought the ticket last night. I leave today. They packed me last night. I couldn't take it. I wasn't going to take it. I ran to the bathroom and rolled up my sleeves. I rolled up my sleeves. I needed to cut. I wanted to cut. I felt the hot tears fall down my cheeks as I touched the cold of the blade to my skin.

One.

Two.

Three.

Then I stopped. I don't know why. I stopped. My phone went off and stopped. It was that song. It was them. BTS. DNA. It stopped me. The first to sing. What was his name? V? His stage name was V.

I stood up and wrapped my cuts. I put on a new shirt and sighed. "Mom?" I called down the stairs.

She came to the bottom of the steps. "Yes Tory?" she had my suitcase in her hand.

"When do I leave?" I asked playing with the hem of my shirt. My arm stung like all Hell.

"In three hours, are you excited to go?" she asked with a genuine smile. It was a real smile. One I haven't seen since...

"Yeah, I'm excited to study abroad." I smiled too. A fake smile. Real smiles never came to me.

But I was scared. I was a dancer, yes. But Korea? Why not here? Close to home. Why across the ocean? Why in another country? I don't even speak the language. It's like sending a lamb to a slaughterhouse. I was being sent to the slaughterhouse by my parents. I was scared. Petrified. Yet a part of me was full of happiness.

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