8 What is Real

"Don't you ever get tired of lying to yourself?"*☻

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When I woke up the next morning Miguel was looking down at my face when he noticed I was awake he looked away embarrassed.

"Good morning." I groaned out sleepily.

"Morning... did...Kiel say anything weird to you?" He asked curiously. I was too sleepy to answer so I instead ignored him and left to wash my face. "Lemon, please give me an answer. I was worried please..." I began drowning him out as I tried to remember what I dreamed about. For some reason, my heart was fluttering crazily so it must have been exciting. Once I finished brushing my teeth I decided to answer him.

"He didn't say anything very weird." Miguel heaved a sigh of relief. "Miguel... do you hate me?" I've never asked him this because of the fear of his answer.

"Yes... I do." I guess I was right to be afraid. Miguel left my side before I made it to school, and a week passed and he didn't return. I was hoping he'd say something like "Of course not." Or even "I like you." Though it was obvious from the start he had a strong dislike towards me and a wall I couldn't get past no matter how well we seemed to be getting along. I sat in the dark, crying on my bed. If Miguel showed up I was prepared to stop. I wouldn't want to burden him with my feelings... 3 more days passed and on the way to school Jack met me.

"Hey..." I didn't reply to him. "Can I walk you the rest of the way?" He inquired.

"I don't care," I answered. He accepted it since it was the closest thing to yes I've said to him.

"You look beautiful today as well." I couldn't be bothered to reply.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Amber shouted once we made it to school. I don't want to have to deal with her too today, my heart couldn't take it.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" Jack answered groaning.

"No! I told you that you have to stay away from her. And you! Lemon this is the bastard that cheated on you! Don't let him get so close to you so easily." She chastised. Her expression looked like one of worry. Like a concerned parent, but doesn't she hate me? She grabbed me by my forearm and pulled me behind her.

"Can you please stop getting in my way?!" Jack asked angrily.

"No! I can't because you're like a roach, if I let you go you'll just multiply and keep coming back." Jack sneered at her. Once he was gone Amber walked away but not before yelling. "Don't start trusting me again either. I'm the bitch who ruined your relationship." I stood in shock at what just happened, unmoving in front of the college. Some time had passed and I began walking to class, about a minute had passed when I heard a familiar voice,

"Lemon..." I jolted. "I went to hell... so I don't know how long it's been. Time is distorted there." I forgot myself and turned and hugged him. Miguel is back, thank goodness.

"Miguel!" He stiffened up.

"Has it been ... 2 days... longer...? What's wrong? Were you worried?" He asked stroking my head.

"I'm sorry for asking an insensitive question. I should have considered your feelings first, I'm sorry." I started hugging him tighter.

"Not many people are watching right now... but soon you'll attract more attention for clinging onto empty space and talking to yourself." He warned.

"I don't care," I answered. His hand that had been stroking my head, gently, suddenly stopped and I worried that I had upset him again.

"I don't hate you as much as I used to," Miguel stated. I looked up at him and he turned from me blushing. "There are a lot of things that I like about you..."

"You can hate me... I was just worried that you wouldn't come back." I admitted. "I guess I have to accept that one day you will be gone for good," I added in a hushed tone.

"Yeah," Miguel replied. "But not until we find who I'm looking for." When he said that, the urge to find her completely left me.

"I see... and... I'm the one who has to convey your feelings to her right?" I asked, trembling from the overwhelming sadness filling me up inside.

"Yes, only you can communicate with her." I lost strength in my arms and finally let him go.

"Welcome back, Miguel," I stated forcing a smile.

"Thanks." He replied. I began walking again, "Lemon..." when he whispered my name it sent chills down my back. "You're so cute." I looked back at him and he was once again wearing that mischief-making grin... I sighed and decided to just go inside and head to class. Miguel was acting the same as usual. As if nothing has happened at all between us and I really don't understand, I'm still worn out from my 10 days alone worrying about him. When we finally made it inside my apartment Miguel said,

"That was quite the scene that you, your ex, and that girl you know, made." I sighed heavily refusing to recall it. "I'm going to take a shower," Miguel stated suddenly and for some reason, I could not ignore that.

"Why?" I asked, failing to hide the confusion in my voice.

"Because I can't feel anything, but maybe a shower will be different... I miss the feel of water running down my back." A pang of remorse hit me and I nodded wordlessly and headed to my room. I could hear the water running; he took a 2-hour long shower. I was positive that meant he couldn't tell when the hot water ran out. He came into my room directly after the shower with only a towel around his waist.

"What the heck are you wearing?! Put some clothes on!" I shouted throwing my comforter over him but it fell through him and only hit the floor.

"This is the appropriate attire for someone who just took a shower." He retorted laughing.

"Get dressed now" I yelled, covering my eyes.

"Fine." He stated, seeming to have grown bored with the situation. I peeked out at him and he was indeed wearing normal clothes now. His body was surrounded by a mist, like the kind you see when you open a freezer on a hot day.

"How was it?" I asked.

"As expected, I still couldn't feel anything." As he said this he turned to me and stroked my cheek then he suddenly looked angry and all the light bulbs in my room burst like there was a power surge. "It's really not fair..." His hand was still on my cheek, freezing me to my core, and in my pitch-black room, all I could see were his golden eyes glowing in the dark. "You should change your light." He stated finally removing his hand. I rushed from the room to get new bulbs from the closet... but hesitated on returning... that situation was really scary...As I entered the room, Miguel wrapped his arms around me and held me.

"Um... Miguel?" My heart pounded as his hands moved down my arms then he gently took the bulbs from my hands.

"I'll change them..." I backed away timidly and he laughed then changed the two lights in my room. He likes to confuse me. My first impression of him was right... he's a pure sadist. "We should buy some groceries... I want to cook something special tonight." He stated out of the blue. "I haven't cooked salmon in a while so I hope you like it." My heart raced.

"Okay, let's go."

When we got there, I shopped without speaking to him much because of the cameras and people around, and I drove there because it was further away from my school. After getting what we needed and returning home, Miguel carried everything inside, thankfully, no one was around. "You don't have to do that," I started nervously.

"I want to." He replied, but if anyone saw they'd probably think I have psychic powers or something... Remembering what I told him before Miguel easily prepared my favorite meal. The salmon had the perfect texture and was slightly spicy, just how I like it and the lettuce he chose was so crisp, that I almost felt guilty for eating this without paying more for it. As I ate he sat across me smiling, and staring at me, rarely blinking.

"It's really good!" I stated, enthusiastically. His eyes closed and he smiled wider.

"That's a relief," Miguel said leaning back in his chair and then looking up at the ceiling.

"Th-thank you," I mumbled.

"You're welcome... but I wasn't doing it for you."His words hurt me a little and puzzled me at the same time but then he continued saying, "I did it because I wanted to cook for you. So I did it for myself." His latter statement made me feel a lot better and I couldn't stop grinning like a fool.

After eating I went straight to bed. Miguel sat watching T.V., this time it was some zombie movie I'd never heard of, he kept sighing and occasionally complaining about how unrealistic the graphics were or how dumb the plot was getting, but if he really didn't like it he would just look at something else. Once again I couldn't remember what I dreamed, but my heart was once again racing when I woke up. A cold air swirled around inside of me and when I opened my eyes Miguel was hovering above me and he pressed his lips on mine.