16 Chapter 16

(Loud are the screams that no one can hear !)OM

Have you ever felt like the world is slowly crashing down on you? Like you're being erased out of existence. Slowly disappearing out of sight. My heart is beating very fast and I suddenly feel so numb. There I was motionless with a handsome young man on top of me.

Kayla! Kayla!

Tears flowing. I couldn't help but break down. All these emotions came rushing back to me. I remembered all the traumatic events that happened to me.

"I'm sorry I.... I..."

He pulled out and sat beside me on the bed.

"What's wrong Kayla? Did I hurt you or something ?" He sounded very worried.

"No no... it's not you trust me"

There I was still facing the ceiling unable to move or change my position.

"Then what's wrong?"

"Uhm.... I think I've been through too much and having sex is just too early for me. It's not you, it's me. You know I love how you make me feel when we're together and I wouldn't trade that for anything, the thing is I am still shook and traumatized by all that has happened."

He bent down and wiped my tears with his thumb.

"Forgive me for I have rushed you. I also feel stupid so I'll make it up to you. Normally I would ask you to tell me all that has happened but I now feel it's too early for that."

He then kissed me on my cheek. "Let me head out then"

"Don't leave please", I pulled his hand. I could see his eyes glimmer in the dark. These eyes absorbed me. As if I'm this light weight liquid ready to be wiped off by a cloth or a sponge. Although these eyes didn't dry me off after ,but they squeezed me out to a better place than I was before.

"I can't sleep next to you Kayla, you tempt me to do things I shouldn't be doing under your mother's roof."

"Then lets not sleep let's sneak out"

I couldn't see him clearly but I could sense that he was opposing this idea.

"Please" I whispered.

"Okay Kayla say we decide to leave and then where are we gonna go and what are we gonna do at this time?"

"Let's go buy food since I didn't eat and also stargaze.I miss that feeling, just me and the stars. One thing that lets me appreciate the stars is that they let me see in the dark. They brighten the darkest rooms and there's more to why I'm in love with them. I see the moon and all , it is beautiful I admit but the moon needs the sun to brighten your darkness. They kinda remind me of a feeling I have when you are around"

"And what is that?"

"You wouldn't understand even if I tried to explain it to you" I gave out a little smirk

"Okay let's leave then. I'm just worried that your mother is going to see us"

"Leave that one to me" I stood up and and wore my black track-pants and the black hoodie I took from Bryson last year. I still look tiny in it.

He flashed me with his phone and smiled at me.

"You look like a tiny me" he chuckled.

We snuck out through my bedroom window. I was so excited to walk on the streets again and just feel the air blowing on my face. I'm not locked up in that dark place anymore. It feels surreal. We went to his car and drove to McDonald's, bought food and drove to Krispy-Kreme and bought more food and he drove down town to Jojo's and he bought marijuana. That little excitement grew in me. We drove to the nearest mall blasting good music. I felt like this is where I should be nowhere else but here.

"This whole experience has taken a lot of myself from me. Most of my existence has been erased, purposely wiped away. You remember the book you once made me read?

I forgot the name but i read everything and I understood it but one thing that stood out for me was this one part in the first chapter,it quotes... "Have you ever felt that there's a person living inside of you, who is quite different from the one you present to the world?" Well I feel like that everyday. No one knows her not even you. I often feel like she is the one who loves you less. She tries to make this perfect idea of you to herself and makes it realistic as possible that she ends up believing that you are that great. The one you are talking to is in love with you and dreads to see the day you leave her. She knows that you are one-day gonna break her heart but she knows you love her so much but not enough to be hers forever. She lives off this temporary feeling of being loved by you, she even lost her virginity to you because she feels that maybe that might make you stay longer. The one inside appreciates the support you have on her successes and all but she knows she can never be the only one.She wants something deeper than what you give her emotionally ,and her letting me tell you this is not her requesting it from you. You will never fill those shoes."

I looked out the window. I honestly don't expect him to respond to me. I then ate my fries in silence. He parked the car in the parking lot where we could clearly see the star filled sky.

"Have you ever asked me how my inside person feels?"he asked me while I climbed out of the car.

"Did you ask me?"

He follows me to the hill next to the parking lot

"You always think the worst of me "

"Yeah because you haven't proved me otherwise. I fell in love with you knowing that you had someone else who loves you and you still make them feel the same way you make me feel. I'm the stupid one here. The one who is so stupid that she lets herself get involved in such situations."

" I've been through a lot with her and I can't just let her go just like that. She does some bad things but I also love her."

"Those are the words you continuously say. I hate myself for letting you in my life. Normally I wouldn't tell you all this because I'm also wrong i shouldn't do someone like this. She likes you I can see that I don't know how intense it is but she likes you Ray."

"Don't say that Kayla, I love ..."

"Fxxk you Bryson, don't tell me you love me! I'm sick and tired of you saying the same shxt over and over again."

"I think we should go"

"No leave me here I'll catch an Uber"

I took the weed and started rolling up a blunt.

"Pass me the lighter please"

"Sure but I'm not leaving you here alone"

He came and set next to me.

"My biggest fear is letting go and also holding onto something that's not worth holding on."

"You mean me?"

"Yes I don't know where I stand with you Bryson"

"Kayla just tell me if you don't love me anymore"

"If I didn't love you would I still be here, I just don't want to aaaah!! I screamed. Suddenly something was wrong with my stomach. It felt like something was ripping me apart.

Bryson.... aaah! There's something wrong with me help me up please."

"What's wrong Kayla are you okay" He looked down on my pants.

"What? What are you seeing?"

I looked down and there was blood dripping from my pants....