Fucking around in the Dungeon

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters and works, if you recognise it from somewhere else, surprise it isn't mine.

Chapter 1:

All things considered, this is a pretty tame ending. Not how I thought I'd go considering that I was a boxer, but still. Laying face down in an alleyway, I chuckle slightly even as I wince, feeling a sharp pain in my lung as I spit globs of blood.

I got set up. They told me to take a dive, in my first title contention fight. My pride wouldn't allow me to lose. I just stepped on the wrong toes at the price of my pride. I can't help but wonder if this would have happened if I didn't come back to Russia, but it was my home country and winning the championship where I grew up on the streets was a story in the making.

Glancing down the dark alley, I chuckled slightly at the grim place of my death, coughing up more globs of blood. Now I remembered my reason for moving to America. Someone, who I assume is my manager, came rushing towards me yelling something, but I just couldn't hear him. My ears stopped working at this point and my sight was fading.

I know I've lost enough blood to know I'm dying, with several bullet holes in my chest. I'm certain that one of the bullets punctured my lung, and I've got about a minute or so left in me before drawing in my own blood.

Live by the ring, die by the ring I suppose. I made my living off boxing, gaining status and wealth with my undefeated streak in the ring. Now here I am bleeding out in an alley like the bum I was at birth.

Hehehe, at least those bastards who told me to take a dive lost a major bet. But I can go out with my head held high as the World Heavyweight Champion. My life's goal was accomplished at the price of my life. Ironic, but what a life I lived.

You're rather accepting of your impending death.

Blood loss is starting to affect me more than I thought, I'm imagining voices.

While it would be funny to toy with you into thinking I'm just a figment of your imagination, you don't have much time so not quite I'm afraid.

Ah, are you God then? We can skip the final judgment, I'm fairly certain I know which way I am going.

Not going to protest your eternal damnation?

No. I know what I've done, and I certainly don't regret it. I did what I had to do to survive. I had a rough childhood and it was either me or them and I chose me.

Fortunately, you're wrong again, silly mortal. I'm not God, at least not the God you're thinking of anyway, guys pretty chill in the other universes though. This universe doesn't have a God or afterlife, just the void.

My world? So there's more out there, Interesting. So, what does an extra-dimensional deity want with a dying man?

Yup though this universe is a bit special the creator just fucked off to sleep because he got bored… Anyway I came by for a stroll and found you interesting enough, so in short I have an offer for you. Get transferred to a new world with a new chance at life.

Is this an offer I can't refuse?

No you can, however… There's an infinite number of worlds out there, you're my first choice but there are countless beings out across the multiverse, wishing for a different life or another chance, so if you're dumb enough to refuse, you die and your soul ends up in the void and I find someone else.

Nobody does anything for free. I learned that the hard way and refuse to believe that Deities are above that either, I certainly don't believe you're doing this out of the kindness of your heart, so what do you get out of this?

HAHAHA you're wrong a third time. Well partially anyway, I'll call it 2.5 times you were wrong, Entertainment is my price. When you're as ancient and powerful as me, you find that entertainment is one of the only joys in life that matters anymore and the brief glance at your life choices have proven adequate enough for me to give you this chance.

Knew it.

Let's be honest, it's a very one-sided deal. I get a good show, you get a second chance at life, if you don't fuck up and die again.

Ah, so this is a game to you.

Kind of, which is why I'm counting on you to provide an interesting game. Especially because I know you hate losing. 'Apex Predator.'

I still find that nickname cringey. But on that, we can agree. I can't say I particularly want to go to the void lest I go insane. Fuck it.

That's the spirit. You'll probably like where I'm sending you, and the background I've picked should certainly feel familiar enough for you.

Before you toss my soul into a new world, do I get a name for my extremely questionable savior?

No. We'll meet in person if you don't die. Again. But a hint to this world is, Look out for 'A heroic rabbit that's a tad to horny for a blonde spirit.' Do with that what you will.

Huh, a rabbit the animal? and a spirit? … I guess.

As my vision finally fades out and my body lies limp in the last moments of my life, I briefly consider if I hallucinated the entire conversation as a way of comforting myself in knowing my end is near.

But then I feel again, opening my eyes as I sit up, looking down at my body clad in a black skin tight dri-fit sleeveless shirt and shorts, my cardio outfit, feeling a distinct lack of pain. Before new memories flood my head, merging with mine as I learn my new 'background'. A splitting headache comes, it feels like someone is pouring molten lava into my head. I hunch forward in pain grasping at my head.

My name is Ivan, no last name. Seventeen year old orphan who was abandoned and raised in a secluded village on my way to Orario to become an Adventurer. The gist of it is a mortal who joins a familia and gains the blessing of a god to gain strength while exploring a dungeon. A language that isn't Russian or English more along the lines of Asian dialect pours into my head. Before the pain starts to fade into a dull throb. I stood up to my still 6'5 height thankfully, I hated being short as a kid, and nursed my head out of instinct.

I don't exactly understand what happened, but I know it had something to do with that voice that brought me here and my goal is to conquer the dungeon. Simple enough I think. Though the fact that there are gods in this world is frightening. I'll find out when I join a familia it seems to be the initial goal to start my journey.

Last time, I'll talk with you. I think. Anyway I decided to throw you some boons and the gods here sealed their powers to come down to the mortal plane, but they're way weaker than me. So they shouldn't give you trouble if you don't fuck up. And they can't tell if you lie. Goodbye and Good luck.

What boons? Wait, gods here can detect lies?

…

Ahh… I see well okay I guess underwhelming since I don't know, but I'll take whatever I can get. But I think he gets off on leaving people confused.

I look around and spot a small bag that I remembered are the supplies I took for my journey going over to pick it up. 20,000 Vali that I earned over the years, some spare clothes which is a hoodie and joggers that match my black clothes and… is that the fucking gun that was used to shot me?!

I pick out a .50 caliber chrome desert eagle from my bag feeling the modern weapon in my hand in a world that has nothing, but medieval weapons. I guess this is one of the boons… damn that guy's an asshole. It has a full clip of seven bullets. I'm going to need to use them wisely before I can commission more.

Putting it away, I finally inspect the dirt road with what I assume are my footsteps heading to the right, so I think Orario is that way. Every journey begins with the first step as they say, I think heading in the direction of the footsteps.

After what I assume is an hour of walking I see a small figure ahead of me heading in the same direction. With my larger strides I eventually catch up to the figure that comes into better view. He looks like a small boy more than a head shorter than me at around 5'5 with a mop of white hair on his head.

Hearing my steps he turns around startled letting out a yelp and I catch a look at his face, blood red eyes and a boyish face that goes with his body. I just continued walking ignoring his reaction. After a couple of minutes I hear some shuffling before he appears back at my side looking up expectantly.

"Ehhh sorry about that, I was scared for a second. Are you going to Orario? Well of course you are, that's the way this road leads. Anyway my name's Bell Cranel." He asks from my side, looking over I see ruby red eyes and with his white hair, kinda looks like a rabb… I see.

So he's the horny rabbit going after a blonde. Honestly, not bad, blondes are always a solid choice.

"Ivan" Was my response, enjoying the walk to Orario in silence, though I doubt it will remain as such.

"That's an unusual name, but anyway are you going to Orario too?" The rabbit asks, increasing his pace to keep up with my larger stride.

"Yes" was my brief response.

"That's awesome! So am I. I'm going to join a familia and become a hero!" Bell ecstatically shouted. I just raise my eyebrow slightly at the enthusiasm and nod.

"How old are you?" I ask knowing that the god that brought me here mentioned him for a reason, so I might as well get to know him, though I don't know why.

"I just turned 14, so I decided to finally head to Orario. How old are you?" He chirped back.

"17" I reply while he gains a shocked expression on his face, which is rather funny looking. He's not very good at concealing his emotions. I just chuckle slightly. We walked in awkward silence, for him anyway, for a bit before I decided to speak again.

"Why do you want to be an adventurer anyway?" I question.

"To be a hero, kill monsters, and save girls." He responds though the last part was mumbled.

"Saving girls?" I mutter baffled by his response. Ahh never mind the god mentioned he was a horny rabbit. Seeing a logic-defying amount of blood rush to his face. I guess the biology of this world is slightly different. Somehow.

"Bell, from what I understand being an adventurer isn't all about being a hero and *cough* saving girls. It's a dirty, foul, and dangerous occupation that isn't for the weak of heart." I explain, getting a slight grimace and a meek nod in response.

"There's brutal killings and heart wrenching moments where you fall into despair before being killed. It's a brutal venture where most don't retire." I continue seeing the blood slowly start draining from his face as he turns ash pale.

"I'm not saying this to put you down, but to explain the world you are entering is often cruel and nothing ever goes as planned." I finish seeing the downtrodden look cast upon his face.

"I understand." He mumbles out looking downtrodden.

"Cheer up mate as long as you never give up hope I'm sure you can accomplish most of what you said. All you need to do is set a goal, steel yourself, body and mind to face challenges you've never imagined. Set goals and do whatever it takes to overcome the obstacles in your way." I say speaking from experience.

He slows down and I match his pace before looking up at me with unwavering eyes.

"Thank you." is all he says before continuing down the road with Orario coming into view. It's about an hour out walking. We walk and talk for a bit, I learn about how his grandfather who passed away was a pervert who inspired him to be a Hero that 'Picks up girls in the dungeon'. HA. Couldn't exactly describe my life from Earth as a championship boxer, so I told him about my past from here which was rather dull.

When we arrive at the entrance we pass by the check-in area and get in line that is going by rather quickly with people sending me looks, though it's probably from my size with me being about half a foot taller than anyone else.

"Bell, What Familia are you going to join?" I turn around getting his attention as he turns to look at me once more with a pondering look on his face.

"Honestly I don't know, whoever accepts me I guess." Bell replies with a smile.

Is he really that Naive? This kid really needs to think of the pros and cons of different familia. Huh, but I could stick with him for now, it'll be nice not to be alone for once.

"That's alright we can get information from the guild and ask around to find which one we should join." I calmly say before turning back around.

'We?' I heard him mutter before it's my turn in line.

A rather generic looking guy calls me forward. Filling out some basic information I pay the 500 valis fee and walk in slightly and stop waiting for Bell. I see him come forward and fill out the information and when he goes to pay the fee he has a larger sum in his hand than I did, confused I walk back.

"Bell, Why are you paying so much when the fee is only 500 valis?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"Ehhh what do you mean? He said it's 1,000." Bell replies pointing at the generic looking man who is frozen when I turn to face him. He has a guilty look on his face.

"Did you just try and scam my friend here?" I question with a slight growl in my voice looking down at the man with narrowed eyes.

"Uhh sorry about that sir, how about you both get in for free for the trouble." he replies with a scared expression on his face though it could be from suspecting that I'll report him rather than assaulting him because I doubt they would put a normal falnaless person as a guard at the entrance.

"Let's go Bell." I reply neutrally, taking my money back with Bell doing the same we head inside. After entering the rather city limits I look around to take in the view, observing everything of importance. I think that stall is selling a map of the city for newcomers walking towards it. With the rabbit following my lead.

"Thanks for the help Arthur." I hear interrupting my thoughts.

"It's alright Bell we're in this together I've got your back, you've got mine." I reply nonchalantly.

"Do you really mean that? You said 'we' earlier in line too." The bunny-boy asks his voice, taking a rather hopeful tone. Taking a moment to gather my thoughts I reply.

"Yes" I replied monotonously knowing that it was the best plan I could come up with at the moment. I don't exactly know what made him so special that a multiversal being told me to keep an eye out for him, but he was naive, incredibly so and I don't want anyone taking advantage of him. It was something I learned the hard way and if he can learn from my mistakes it'll be worth it.

Buying the map from the street vender for 300 valis we left heading towards the guild to get information on some familias. Which is about another 30 minute walk. Feeling peckish after walking for a couple hours, I turned to ask him.

"Bel*Growl*" was what I heard before pausing and looking over to see the rabbit blushing once again avoiding eye contact. What the hell is up with this world's biology that allows someone's face to get that red. I see literal steam coming out of his ears… How?

"Well your stomach answered my question, let's stop by for some food after getting the information. When we get there you do the talking." I said simply before continuing to walk. After 10 steps and not hearing any steps behind me I look over my shoulder seeing him still standing there before continuing on my way.

"Ahh wait for me!" Bell shouts running to catch up to me, getting the attention of the locals that chuckle at the scene. Seeing a young teen chasing after a behemoth of a man with a panicked expression on his face.

Arriving at the guild around noon there was minimal activity so we got in rather quickly. I let Bell take the lead following behind him to the counter and we are greeted by a beautiful woman with a slim body, shoulder-length brown hair, emerald colored eyes and pointy ears? Though I saw multiple people with different features on the way here, most looked human, I guess this confirms that different races exist.

"Welcome to the Guild, my name is Eina. How can I help you today?" she greets with a polite smile on her face. I planned on letting Bell talk so I could avoid the hassle, but based of the fucking blush on his face. Really you meet one cute female and this is what happens. Letting out a slight cough he regains his composure.

"Hi I'm Bell Cranel and this is Ivan. We were hoping you could give us some information on familias that are accepting new members at the moment." He introduces pointing at me, who simply nods, then I remember this place might have a different type of information. So before she can open her mouth again I speak.

"We would also like to know if you have any information pertaining to the dungeon." getting a wide eye expression from Bell before he turns back and nods in confirmation, she was slightly shocked by the request from what I could tell.

"Certainly. I wish more people took advantage of this information. While I have you here would you be able to fill out some paperwork that should allow you to pre-register as an adventurer? When you can come back you can fill in the Familia you joined and apply for a Dungeon advisor." She asks with an enthusiastic smile.

Hmm I assume enough people die in this line of work that simply asking for more information is granted this level of reaction. That is rather forbidding sign and looking at Bell's face he didn't come to the same conclusion, before he accepted the papers for both of us.

Filling them out at the counter while she went to go get the information. I'm surprised they have pens in this era though with their rather primitive technology. Finishing them rather quickly we wait for a bit before Eina comes back around with a binder and a stack of papers.

"Here you go the Binder has some basic information on the Familias and these papers are for you to take and study that show the basic layout of the Dungeon and information on the monsters inside from floors 1-8." She says handing us papers, that I put away in my bag for later and we skim the list.

Familia List: Freya Familia, Loki Familia, Ishtar familia, Hephaestus Familia, Gonibu Familia, Apollo Familia, etc…

Looking at the list I noticed that there were rather brief descriptions that didn't help much, but I kept my face impassive to hide my frustration, Bell having a giddy expression on his face. Though I recognize multiple names from my worlds and I know the basic information on them, mainly their domains and some stories of their personalities.

"Ohhh let's apply to the top Familias first." Bell says enthusiastically bouncing in excitement looking up at me expectantly. I turn to Eina to see a rather amused expression on her face from our interaction before she notices I'm looking at her and she schools her expression.

"Can I ask what the personality of Loki is?" I ask making eye contact with her as she flinches slightly, seemingly nervous at my question, with Bell looking at me with a confused look on his face.

"She… is a rather unique goddess that has the tendency of a prankster." Eina draws out.

So Loki here is a girl apparently and from response it is likely she isn't as antagonistic as in mythology, but holds the same tendencies.

"Hephaestus?" I ask.

"She is a professional Goddess that focuses on blacksmithing." She answers more assuredly of this Goddess.

Another genderbent god? This time a Greek god instead of a Norse god.

"Ishtar?" I ask again. She blushes at this name which makes sense from what I've read and hesitates to answer glancing between me and Bell.

"She's a rather prideful goddess that owns some of the more mature businesses in Orario." She finally answered.

"Thank you" At least Ishtar is a female. What is this world? With a nod I turn and start walking out with Bell quickly thanking Eina as well before catching up to me. As we walk out I hear 'What he's 17?!' causing me to chuckle slightly at her reaction, maybe this world isn't so bad after all.

After asking some locals about the closest food stand we arrived at at a Jagamaru stand, whatever the hell that is, we got in line with a short blonde girl in front of us accompanied by two dark skinned females with black hair.

"Hey Ivan, why did you ask Miss Eina about the Goddess Loki when we were in the Guild?" Bell asks, looking up at me with a befuddled expression. Before I can turn to him I see the three stiffen in front of me making me decide to keep an eye on them.

"I also asked about Hephaestus and Ishtar. Though I asked because I wanted to check if she had information on her personality matched what I knew about beforehand rather than just her familia. It's important to factor in the Deity when making this decision. I'm more surprised that she's a female, I could have sworn she was male." I explain not taking my eyes off the three in front of me before the 2 dark skinned females clutch over laughing and the blonde turns around and smiles slightly The other 2 follow her example.

"HAHAhaaaa, I didn't expect you guys to be talking about our Goddess like that." The short haired woman says she has medium length black hair and dark green eyes. She was wearing rather revealing clothing, only a strip of cloth around her chest and a pareo around her waist, and completely barefoot.

"Honestly you better hope she doesn't hear you saying that or you won't even get a chance to join." The Long haired woman adds with a chuckle. She has long black hair and dark green eyes. She was also wearing rather revealing clothing, only a bikini-like top around her chest and a pareo around her waist, with what looks like red stockings coming up to her mid thigh completely barefoot, though she has a rather developed body unlike what I can assume is her twin.

I observe the still silent blonde and take in her appearance a very beautiful woman with long golden-blonde hair, gold eyes, and a slender body. She was wearing a white and black battle cloth, black arm covers, and long blue boots. Her armor consists of a head guard, breastplate, arm guards, hip guards, and knee guards. A rapier on her waist.

"Yes well I wasn't planning on applying for personal reasons. I was thinking of applying to the Hestia familia. It's rather new and shouldn't be difficult to enter." I state before turning mute. It's true enough though. The asshole of a god that dropped me off here said he wanted some entertainment so if I join a low ranked Familia and raise their status it should hopefully gain me more favor with him. My response however got a betrayed look from Bell, huh guess he wants to join a big familia, while the three women looked at me with confusion though the blondes was muted.

"What? Why don't you want to apply? We're like the top Familia in the whole world." The flat twin questions, with Bell nodding echoing her words. I simply ignored her telling Bell I'll explain later. However, ignoring them seemed to be the wrong option as the flat twin walked up to me.

"Hey, do you know who I am? Stop ignoring me, big guy! Why don't you want to join the Loki Familia?!" She asks with an angry and expectant look.

"No, nor do I care." I reply before turning silent once more. That was also the wrong response as she pokes me in the chest with more force than should be possible for someone of her size.

"I said don't ignore me." she says looking up at me with narrowed eyes. The commotion starts drawing attention from the crowd with a circle forming around us, the rabbit at my side gaining a nervous look.

"You better watch yourself girl before I put you in your place." I say aloud, surprising everyone around me, even the flat twin herself.

"Go ahead and try it. You haven't even joined a familia yet and I'm a level 5 there's no way you can take me." she taunts me, causing me to take a step forward, my hand going towards the Gun on my waist, however Bell gets between us.

"Hold on! This is a huge misunderstanding. Ivan here just has trouble talking with people… yeah he's kinda awkward, we don't even know your name. So let's just go our separate ways." Bell explains, trying to stop me from fighting the girl. Gaining an incredulous expression from both of us. Before I realize what I did with my pride taking hold of me. Fighting her would gain the wrath of the Loki familia making it harder to join a familia and apparently level 5 is important enough for her to boast about and with the strength of her finger when she pushed me she is likely many times stronger than me. Though a bullet would probably still put her down.

"Hmmm I don't care anymore." I say getting a relieved breath from the rabbit before walking away the crowd splitting in front of me like one guy did the red sea, Bell following me.

"Hey don't walk away from me." The flat twin yells jumping in front of me clearing several dozen feet. Yeah I'm not fucking with that. Thank you Bell.

"What do you want? Stop being an annoying child and leave me alone." I ask loud enough for everyone to hear.

"I'll have you know I'm 17 years old, that's far from being a child." she replies in a childish manner.

"Even if we are the same age, you're still a child in my eyes." I smile slightly, amusement dancing in my eye.

"HUH! You're 17?! No way you like huge and all muscley." she shouts befuddled, losing all her previous anger. The others join her in their shocked expression.

"I eat my vegetables." I joke dryly walking around her or at least trying to before she sidesteps in front of me again. I can feel my blood pressure rising, my trigger finger itching knowing I'll get beat bloody and blue.

"Anyways my name's Tiona, that's my sister Tione and Ais. How about you come meet Loki, I'm sure she'll find you interesting enough to let you join." She asks cheerfully with all the attention span of a goldfish. Before I can even respond in denial Bell chirps in.

"Really?! Yes! Let's go! Come on Ivan we can go meet her and if you don't like the goddess we can leave?" Bell asks eagerly, if he had a tail I'm pretty sure it would have broken from wagging. But looking in his hopeful eyes I can't muster up the denial.

"Fine. Let's get some food first." Causing both the flat twin now known as Tiona and Bell to cheer. Sighing I head back over to wear her sister Tione and Ais are still in line, one with an amused look on her face the other with a blank look on her face.

"So… that happened. I would have introduced myself, but Tiona did it for me." Tione says with a bemused look on her face. I sigh slightly, causing her to chuckle.

"I guess formalities are in order. My name is Ivan, no last name and this is Bell Cranel, my traveling companion and yes I am really 17 years old." I introduce with an expression dry enough to make a desert green in envy.

"Well nice to meet you Ivan no name. Can I ask why you didn't want to join the Loki familia?" the curvier twin asks with Tiona paying attention with Bell looking at me again.

"Because I know of her personality and he- sorry she is the god of mischief for a reason, I don't feel like she would be the right deity for me among other reasons. But do your names match up with your cup sizes? One an E the other an A?" I reply with a straight face. They freeze once more, Tiona gaining a tick mark somehow and Tione gains a cheshire smile turning to Tiona.

"That's a rather interesting take. What do you think Tiona?" Tione asks, slightly cupping her breasts. Damn she really has no modesty though dressed like that I can see she doesn't care much for it in the first place. The flat twin goes pouts in anger before pausing and gaining a similar smile on her face.

"In the end it doesn't matter if you have those lumps of fat on your chest if you still can't seduce the Captain." Tiona replies with a smug expression. I snorted at the surprisingly good comeback, though I wonder who this captain is if he can resist the stunningly beautiful girl in front of me.

The two start bickering while we get to the front of the line and order another surprisingly beautiful girl working the stall. She was short in height, long black hair, and blue eyes. Wearing a form fitting white dress and pigtails tied in blue ribbons. Though I guess this world's beauty standards are higher than my previous one. Ordering our food Bell and I wait with our new… acquaintances? Getting our food we head to Twilight Manor to meet the Goddess Loki.

These Jagamaru snacks were surprisingly tasty so I ate my three in quick succession, the other taking more time. On the way there we made small talk, more like Bell and Tiona animatedly talking about hero stories? Finishing my food I notice Ais eating her eighth Jagamaru-hun with crumbs on her face. Tapping her shoulder I gain a confused look from the blonde before she pulls her face away from her snack.

"Yes?" she asks with a questioning look.

"You have to be more careful when you eat you're getting crumbs all over your face." I say cupping her chin and tilting it up using the napkin from my food to wipe her face, gaining a slight smile and blush followed by a quiet 'thank you' before she returns to her snack. Noticing the lack of talk about heroes I turn to look at a wide-eyed Bell and sister pair. Tilting my head in confusion with Ais moving in sync with me, their mouths gape slightly before Ais and I look at each other still in sync and back to the trio watching us.

"Yes?" I finally ask, confused by their reaction.

"Oh my Loki we're going to have a Papa in the Familia to go with Mama Riveria." Tiona says with a cheerful smile Tione nodding in agreement, Bell just looks slightly distraught, before me gives me a forced smile and a thumbs up. Why? Then it clicks again at least the Bell part no fucking clue who Mama Riveria is. The blonde spirit the rabbit is horny for is right besides me chewing on a delicious potato snack. Did he think I was going to try and steal a girl from him? I'll talk to him about it later. Also what race is a spirit?

"I am not old enough to be a father." I state blandly.

"HA that's exactly what Riveria says too." Tiona replies with her and Tione sharing another round of laughter gaining another tilt of my head in confusion with Ais still copying me somehow making the twins laugh even harder, with Bell having a resigned expression on his face?

"Alright well let's hurry, I want to find an Inn before it gets dark out when it doesn't work out with Loki." I say following the route I memorized from the map, with Ais walking with me still in fucking sync step for step somehow. I know she isn't doing it on purpose because she's currently on her 10th Jagamaru, where does it all go though? Questions for another time.

Arriving at the mansion, a huge structure built on a small area of land. Multiple tall towers overlap and support each other, with the middle tower being the tallest. Walking through the gates with the twins leading the way we were unbothered by the guards out front.

With the sisters leading the way into the rather opulent manor I look around in appreciation. It's around the size of my old mansion in LA, but it had a more ancient feel to it without modern architecture and a distinct lack of technology. Overall 5/10 on the interior and from my lack of reaction I notice Tiona pouting. Who pouts as a 17 year old?

Walking through the large halls we were led to a large ornate door that Tiona opens without even knocking, causing Tiona to sigh, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Entering the room behind the Trio from the Loki familia with Bell at my side.

The room is rather homely with some random items here and there. A decent number of bookcases covered the walls from top to bottom on one wall. On the other were what seemed to be mementos. Chipped swords, broken shafts of spears, torn robes, a dented helmet, and is that a stuffed panda? Noticing the other occupants in the room I see three.

Sitting in a comfy looking loveseat is a woman with light red hair and red eyes. Dressed in tomboyish manner with jeans and a shirt that shows off her stomach, her hair back in a simple pony-tail. Sitting across from her is a tall exceptionally beautiful woman with jade-colored hair tied in a ponytail that reaches to her waist, same color eyes, and Elf ears. She was donning a green outfit with yellow borders, a white cloak over it, a black belt, a yellow sash, black leggings, and long brown boots. The last is a child with medium length scruffy blonde hair and blue eyes with a fair skin tone. He has a small body wearing a yellow vest over a purple long-sleeved shirt and trousers.

"Ais-tan you saved me from Mama's boring meeting." The redhead who I assume is Loki jumps at Ais with her expertly dodging out of the way causing the Goddess to faceplant. Chuckling I crouch down offering a hand to help her up which she takes.

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?" I ask, gaining an absolutely flabbergasted expression from everyone save the redhead that's looking up at me with wide eyes. She freezes momentarily a light blush dusting her cheeks before she starts laughing.

"Ha never heard that one before, so what'er you doing here?" The redhead asks, pointing at me suspiciously. Bell at my side, his mind rebooting from the absolute bamboozlement of my pickup line.

"Well Goddess Loki I'm Ivan and this is Bell Cranel we were brought by those three to apply to the Familia." I say evenly gesturing to the trio of women that brought us here. Tiona bobbing her head with a large smile while the other two simply nodded as well with smiles? Why are they smiling? I insulted their Goddess, almost got my ass kicked by the flat twin, Then insulted the flat twin again about her cup size. This world is very strange.

"Yup we met Ivan and Bell here at the jagamaru stand talking about you after a slight altercation they agreed to come meet you." Tiona recounts leaving out the details before turning to the green haired elf.

"Ahh Mama Riveria! We found you a Papa," she motions towards me, both our eyebrows twitching slightly ""I'm not old enough to be a father/mother."" We both say pausing for a second before looking at each other in sympathy.

"WHAT! MY RIVERIA-TAN IS BRING HOME A MAN?! NO I WON'T ALLOW IT!" Loki yells with Bell recoiling from the denial, the twins pouting, Ais frowns slightly, the green haired beauty has a strained expression on her face while the blonde child has an amused expression. However I shan't look a gift horse in the mouth.

"Well you heard her Bell, that's a no-go though I didn't want to join in the first place." I say turning around to the rabbit dragging him out.

"Wait what? Stop! What do you mean you don't want to join my familia? Why'd you come in the first place if you didn't wanna join?" Loki questions enraged and confused at the blatant denial.

"The A-cup twin over there pretty much forced me to come and I got peer pressured. Now it was an experience meeting you everyone but I have the Hestia familia to join so I'll be off." I reply with Bell perking up at me suggesting another familia.

"Wait, you wanna join Itty Bitty's Familia over mine?!" The Norse god shrieks.

"Yes."

"But why? I'm better in every way, she only has those lumps of fat on her chest." Loki spouts with a slight pout.

"Because your domain is Trickery and she's the goddess of Hearth, Home, and Hospitality. Can't go wrong with that. Hrimthursar." I explain getting a look from the others Loki looking as if struck.

"Hmm no mortal should know that. How do you know that name?" Loki questions intrigued getting bewildered looks from her familia members.

"I know various things about the Norse you can throw in the Greeks and Mesopotamians too." I say with a blank expression on my face.

"You're getting more and more interesting ain't cha'. I take back what I said, my pride as a deity won't allow you to prefer that Loli's familia over mine." The god (goddess) of trickery states with a glint in her eyes that I can't place. Hearing a thump beside me I look over to see an unconscious Bell, damn he really wanted to join. I guess joining the top familia can be entertaining enough.

"I guess Bell came to a decision." I point out the others letting out a round of laughter some louder than others.

"Alright well this excuse works too later Mama Riveria, Finn you guys can finish the paperwork for the next exploration without me. I'm off to get a Papa for the Familia." Loki excused herself walking out the door gesturing for me to follow. Picking up Bell I try to follow the Norse Trickster. Before we both freeze hearing the child speak.

"Hmm while I don't mind that you just accepted new members without consulting me… your captain. I'm sure that someone who's better than Goddess Hestia at everything can give them the Falna here and help with paperwork after. Can't you Goddess." The blonde child chimes with an amused expression, with Loki letting out some quiet curses.

So he's the captain of the Loki Familia. He turned down the dark skinned amazon. Damn. That means he's also more than likely a level 6 or above for him to be above Tiona. Don't judge a book by its cover is a fact rather a metaphor here. I really dodged a bullet with Tiona, I can't imagine how strong he is.

Laying the still unconscious Bell down on an open seat, I turn to the child though apparently appearances can be very deceiving here.

"Hello my name is Ivan. It's nice to meet you…" I introduce myself.

"Finn Deimne, captain of the Loki Familia." He introduces shaking my hand. Damn little dudes got a killer grip. I swear I felt some of my bones crack. Turning to the nicknamed mama Riveria I hold out my hand.

"Riveria Ljos Alf, Vice-captain of the Loki familia." She introduced taking my hand.

"So you're the infamous 'Mama', nice to meet you." I tease with a slight smile, before she grips my hand even harder than the captain.

"Hmm well it's nice to meet the new 'Papa' of the familia." She replies easily, slowly increasing the pressure.

"Well if you're the 'Mama' and he's the 'Papa' does that mean you're married now?" Tiona asks from the side with me trying to escape her death-grip that's turning painful before she blushes and pulls away.

"NO NO NO! He can join but he isn't taking my Riveria away from me." Loki shouts pushing us apart.

"So how does this work?" I question.

"Strip and sit down." Loki orders with a sinister smile pointing at a stool. I pause for a second, is she being serious? With everyone here?

Alright I was never body shy. Taking off my shirt and putting it in my bag I set it beside the stool and go to take off my shorts before being stopped by the sound of a smack, turning to look I see an amused Finn next to an agitated Riveria glaring at Loki holding her head.

"Just your shirt will do." He says with a polite smile. Following his instructions I sit down and wait, hearing a whining Loki come behind me for a bit. Feeling a warm drop on my back. I feel a heat pooling on my back before it vanishes. Thinking it's done I open my eyes.

AHHHHH! Jesus christ this burns my eyes feel like some blew chili powder in them and my muscles feel like they're reconstructing. It's like a metric fuck-ton of adrenaline is being pumped into me, before all my muscles start relaxing. Sighing in relief, I wait for Loki to finally finish as I've been sitting for a few minutes already, but suddenly feel my head being hugged to her chest and rubbed in an affectionate manner.

"I was honestly was just letting you and the rabbit join for the entertainment value, but this is insane I hit the jackpot. You have a broken spell and an even more broken skill." She explains in an awe-filled tone as I become thoughtful. Broken spell and skill? I'll assume they're good from her reaction.

"Was gaining a blessing supposed to hurt that much? Also Loki, I know the pickup line I used was good, but I don't think it warrants rubbing my head between your chest on " I speak with no emotion in my tone, betraying the shit-eating grin on my face that she can't see.

She stops rubbing my head and I physically feel her pouting.

"Fine you don't get a single head pat though it shouldn't hurt at all, One second… Here. Look at your stats already you monster!" She places a paper on my back before tracing something and shoving the paper in front of me.

Name: Ivan Draco

Level: 1

STR: I-0

END: I-0

DEX: I-0

AGI: I-0

MAG: I-0

Magic:

Spatial Manipulation:

This magic allows the user to bend space at their commands.

(Spell- Silent chant: 'Inventory' opens an near infinite subspace to store items)

Skills:

(Hidden Real title: Apex Predator: Fast growth as long as the user's will for power stays in tact, the strength of the effects correspond with the level of emotions, as a side effect it makes the user immune to charms.) Nickname- Papa's Pride: Fast growth as long as the user's pride stays intact. The strength of the effects correspond with the level of the user's feelings, as a side effect, it makes him immune to charms.

Limit Breaker: Allows the user to break the stat limit.

(Hidden: Your view only) Dungeon's Antithesis: Due to having the arcanum of more than one god the dungeon itself views you as its natural enemy, spawns more enemies to eliminate you.

…

"Oh… I have a last name." Those boons really are something, especially spatial manipulation. My punch is unguardable now and it almost makes me want to take back my curses. However I know for a fact that extra-dimensional cunt changed the name of the pride skill and made the dungeon my enemy.

"What do you mean 'oh… I have a last name.' Look at the bloody skills!" Loki screams at me as I stare at the paper.

"Did you read the title of my skill?" I point out turning around to hand her back the paper. Noticing the women looking at my topless form I ignore it, paying attention to the goddess in front of me, who is shaking slightly trying to contain her laughter.

"Riveria, Finn come here and look at this skill. At this point I think it might be destiny." She motions to the Captain and Vice-Captain. They come over, with Loki handing over the paper. Reading the page they go wide-eyed before Finn laughs out loud for the first time tears collecting in his eyes, I turn to the elf with a deadpan expression, her eyes glued to mine.

Neither of us spoke a word, an awkward silence between us, I wordlessly reached into my bag and put my shirt back on starting to get annoyed from the laughter of the manlet and goddess. The twins wander over to take a look at my stat sheet having the same reaction as Loki.

Hmmm… my trigger finger is a second away from testing if bullets work on level 5's.

"While the name of the skill is… Unique the skill in of itself is amazing. Other gods would go to war for you. We should keep this under wraps while figuring out your magic though I'm sure Mama Riveria can help you with that." Finn calmly says with a sage-like nod. Sighing I look at the deity on the floor.

"Loki, it's time for Bell's Falna." I remind getting a nod as she made her way over to the Rabbit. Quickly repeating the process on the limp bunny she writes his stats having a completely blank slate. No special skill or spells… What the fuck? He was supposed to be special.

Fuck, I got pranked again by that ass-hat of a god and he knows I won't abandon the Rabbit, guess I have my first party member.

With everyone calm and the hecticness of what just happened the twins decided to leave, though Tione tried and failed to seduce Finn in a rather comical showing. Trying to shake Bell awake I can hear him mutter something before I get startled hearing Ais speak appearing next to me.

"If I become a mama like Riveria and marry you will I gain this skill?" The blonde airhead questions rather adorably. I blank out at the question seeing the mentioned elf look like she swallowed a lemon and Finn shocked still. Not hearing Loki's over-reaction I turn to look at her to see her frozen in horror. Covering my ears in a hurry I hear a muffled shriek followed by what sounds like 'Riveria get those two out of here before he seduces more of my women! He'll never get Ais-tan!'. Damn she's obsessed with a capital K.

Feeling a stirring Bunny, I see Bell wake up from the eardrum shattering shriek giving a startled look before calming down when he looks at me. Ohh damn I see why women would find him adorable thankfully I'm 100% straight.

"Congratulations Bell, we're part of the Loki familia! Now let's go of here before Loki starts throwing shit at me." I quickly say walking out with a dazed Bell, followed by the elf.

Once we were outside I lowered my strides to a more sedated pace.

"You okay Bell?" I ask concerned.

"YES! We joined one of the top familias in Orario." he shouts before launching himself at me, tears in his eyes muttering 'thank yous'. I instinctively wrap my arms around him patting his back. Hearing some footsteps behind me I turn my head and see a bemused gazed belonging to Riveria.

"One word and I'll never stop calling you Mama" I threaten getting an eyebrow twitch in return.

"Well Bell, let's get our Lodgings in order we're going to have a busy day tomorrow." I say smiling down at the Rabbit feeling pride well up in my chest at his million Vali smile. Fuck I do feel like a dad.

"Yes I will lead you to a room that you two will be sharing. Though once you become 2nd class adventurers you'll gain your own separate rooms." Riviera explains leading us down more hallways. While walking she explains what the process is going to be tomorrow with an executive going with us to the Guild to confirm our registration into the Loki familia and to purchase our beginners equipment. Bell meanwhile has a twinkle in his eyes the entire time.

"I will inform you that after tomorrow most of the familia members will be vacant because of our plans for an expedition into the lower floors, so the executive tomorrow will give you a rundown on the inner workings of being an adventurer." she explains in a lecturing tone.

"Please tell me it won't be Tiona?" I plead.

"What why? I like Miss Tiona." Bell says from my side.

"While she is an executive she still has to go pick up her weapon tomorrow from the Gonibu Famiia so she will not be available, just be in the dining hall by 8am." she replies, giving us directions to said dining hall.

"Okay thank you Miss Riveria." Bell says in a grateful/ Extatic voice, but I do smile at him calling everyone with a title while I'm simply Ivan.

"Have a good evening." the elf replies politely before leaving. Entering the room I notice it's decently sized for 2 people, rather plain but that's to be expected. Setting my bag down on one bed, Bell claiming the other. Settling in with our belongings I turn to the only other person in the room.

"So Bell, I noticed you were rather taken with Ais." I question.

"Ummm yes but it's okay I can see she likes you more you were already acting like a couple." Bell replies dejectedly, why does he look like someone told him that his dog died, before I can think of a reply he continues.

"Either way I think me and miss Tiona get along really well so I might try asking her out." the bunny says smiling while thinking of the a-cup twin.

"While I find Ais attractive I don't have that kind of relationship with her. I hardly know her. If you have a goal, go toward it. You said you wanted to pick up girls in the dungeon, so get strong enough for them to notice you. Hell, build a harem. I'm sure your Grandfather mentioned it to you." I explain getting a stuttering response that came out illegible.

"One more thing I wanted to ask. Have you had the talk?" I ask.

"What do you mean, we're talking right now?" he replied innocently.

"The Birds and the Bees?" I phrase it differently.

"Why are you talking about birds and bees?" he questions with a confused look on his face. Damn it he wants a harem but never learned the ways to get one.

"Alright well sit down and speak whenever you have a question. This is going to be rather informative." I say getting a nod from Bell.

Entering the room again the high elf saw Finn, Loki, and a newly arrived Gareth.

"Well now that Riveria is here we need to discuss Ivan and his future role in the familia." Finn starts.

"I agree. His spatial magic or his skill make him indispensable." Riviera adds on.

"Aye. Though from what I heard from the twins is that he didn't want to join?" Gareth asks, confused.

"Yeah he was being truthful when he said I wasn't his first choice. The only thing that got him to join is the cute little rabbit at his side." Loki confirms.

"I deduced as much, we'll need to insure his loyalty to the familia more than just Bell wanting to be here. If anything ever happens to the rabbit at his side I don't think he'll stay and I don't want to be his enemy when he levels up, especially if he joins the Freya familia." Finn concludes with a grimace, the others agreeing with similar expressions.

"Aye though the lad will have to be careful with how interested Ais is of him, because I doubt Loki will take that lying down." Gareth jokes semi-seriously.

"Ahh shaddup' I don't like it, but I'll try and stay calm. But I think Mama will try and get a Papa before Ais gets a chance." Loki deflects, eyeing the high elf with a smirk.

One bonk later.

"We should also consider what to do when the regular members of the familia start feeling jealous." Finn questions his thumb aching slightly when he thought on the topic.

"Tell the bastards to man up and get stronger. Though we'll have to keep the favoritism on the low, if he even needs any with his broken ass skills." Gareth easily replies.

They continued to discuss Ivan's future role in the familia and the upcoming expedition.

A/N:

Yes I know if someone was shot with a 50 cal desert eagle they'd be dead with a capital 'D', but oh well it is what it is. Plot. [- _ -]

Also flipped a coin to see if they join loki or hestia so those are the results.

Also Also, the spatial manipulation was a caveat to him gaining an inventory and maybe more, but I think it might be too broken.