1 Chapter One : Fuck Running

I am not really sure where to begin. Like.. at the beginning or just somewhere in between? If we go way back, it just opens up a lot about my past that I really do not want to tap into.

So lets start with this year. 2020.

It has been a pretty fucked up year in general. I mean, not just for me personally, but for everyone. Pandemic season, turned into pandemic fucking year. I cannot express how fucked up shit got. I m just 30, but I felt like I was twice my age by the time it hit the second week of lockdown.

I felt like something was strangling me. But it turned out to be my own bed sheets, because I slept in all day. I missed my sort of on/off person. Even though I hated to admit it. He was my person. At least for a while. He hasn't called me in a week. Maybe Covid got him. Son of a bitch.

Coffee was my only friend. I had at least 4 cups to stay awake during those motherfucking zoom calls. Seriously WTF. I swear Karen wears make up for A FUCKING ZOOM CALL. Like .. why? I am also 500% sure she is fucking Tobey from Sales. I cant blame her. Tobey is fucking hot. Why haven't I fucked Tobey yet? Something to think about.

WAIT WHAT? EW. Its the covid loneliness. Tobey is not hot. HE HAS BIG ARMS, and a thick neck. I noticed his calves when he wore shorts during that stupid marathon we were all forced to run. I panted 10km for lung health.

WHAT ABOUT MY LUNG HEALTH? I almost died. Kudos to my asshole boss for partnering up with the Lung Institute. I swear to god , I will punch his face if he organizes a " follow up" run for your lungs shit.

Since I handle corporate communication, I get to handle social media accounts and follow certain cringe accounts. Why is everyone so fucking fake? Makes me nauseous.

I get a text from my crossfit group

" Are you guys missing this shit or what?"

Buff guy shares a pic of him lifting a 30kg dumbbell. God damn the masculinity.

A series of lols and cry/laugh emojis are exchanged. I send a thumps up. All this crossfit talk is making me hungry. I crack open a bag of Doritos and settle down to watch "dead to me". Oh god that shit is so fucking hilarious. I want a bff like that too. But - I really do not get along with women. and Guys? I usually fuck and run.

I finish the first two episodes, and my bag of Doritos. What day is it again? Seriously. I check my phone and realize its Saturday. Annnd it is 5 fucking pm. Already? My stomach is groaning from the spicy nacho flavored munchies. The worst thing about getting old - is the indigestion. I cant even eat a fucking bag of crisps without letting one rip.

I know I need to run to let go of the growing wind in my chest. I put my nikes on and head out to the park. My special breathable mask allows me to run without gasping for air. Yay. I will just do 2kms and return back anyway.

I always start off slow, to people watch a bit. A lot of new faces today.

A stressed out mom, pushing a stroller and jogging.

Hot ass girl, with an expensive Garmin tracker. ( God damn those hot ass women)

Overweight, middle aged guy with a headset. Probably listening to some lame podcast.

Tall, dark , uber fucking handsome guy ( WITH NO MASK ON) running passed me -

WAIT A SECOND . HOLD THE FUCK ON. WHO IS THAT?

I must know. I try to catch up, but he is miles ahead. He has the perfect form , running. So swift like a cheetah. OH GOD, WHY am I thinking about Cheetos now? I really need to cut down on the snacks.

He is like - waaaay to fast for me to catch up. So I slow down and gasp like I am about to pass out. I have not even done my first km yet. #Fail

I look around and I cant see TDUFHG . He gone girl. he gone.

I start jogging again - and think about scheduling work for next week.

And there he is again - he is taking a water break and talking to a buff guy. No mask on? Seriously needs to be schooled on health and public safety. Buff guy has a mask on so- I cant tell if he looks good, but he looks pretty hot below the neck too.

I slow down and pretend to do some yoga stretches. They start doing some weird hand clap push up move together. so in sync.

FUCK ME, are they together? like together - together?

I do not know how long I was staring because they smiled and waved.

Ok, so not at me or?.. oh yeah definitely me. I had to embarrassingly check my back to make sure no one else they knew were waving back instead.

I walk over , trying to be as confident as possible.

"Hey, you guys. That is some crazy move"

MBG laughs. " yeah , we do some crazy stuff sometimes. We usually have a team that joins us everyday "

I nod and look at them both. Was this an invitation?

TDUFHG smiles , "It is pretty fun. You can join too if you like"

THERE IT IS.

"I am not sure.. it looks a bit advance to me." I Say truthfully. I mean , I can barely do 10 push-ups without crying.

"we can coach you." MBG shrugs.

oh so this is a sales pitch.

"I may need to think about it." I was losing interest very quickly now.

"Well, you can join our whatsapp group if you like. We usually share tips and schedules and.. stuff" TDUFHG really needs to work on his sales pitch.

I would not mind joining the group though. So we exchange numbers.

I head out of the park as quickly as I can. I feel embarrassed and annoyed at the same time.

How did that even happen? #thirsty

I think I may have jogged home faster than I ever jogged at the park. Ugh.

I strip my sweaty clothes and shower. If only a good old cold shower can wash away cringe.

I try to think about my on/off person for a bit and wank off, but TDUFHG stays embedded.

Great, I am so fucking lonely I have to shower wank off to some guy I saw at the park.

But it's happening. Now.

And No one cares I think , as I orgasm.

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