5 Chapter Five : Meme Life

2020 you fucking asshole. Just when shit was getting bad, it got worse.

I was literally living a meme life.

The quarantine period finally ended after 15 long weeks. The longest time I had ever gone without a proper social life.

We were supposed to head back to work , but I get an email notice from HR that an immediate performance review was scheduled for Friday.

A nice way to kick someone when they are down.

The past two weeks, were not my best. I felt like something was choking me. My chest was always heavy. Mornings were drowsy. I almost always had a splitting headache.

By now, I had left my crossfit and HIIT group chats so I didn't know what they were upto. My friend Mia, told me MBG moved to the capitol and TDUFHG , started collage again.

Not that I gave a fuck.

My on/ off person never texted or called me. I still assume he died of covid19.

My colleagues were excited about returning to work. Karen finally admitted she and Tobey were hooking up during lockdown. UGH.

It's not like this was the first time I had experienced disengagement. I didnt really care about relationships. I never really had a "boyfriend". If a guy I was seeing didnt call or text, I would assume he died and move on. I refrained from building intimate connections.

I never wanted to get to know their baggage or backstories. I was always a runner. I walked away from people when I felt things were getting serious. I was .. just afraid. ( Ok, fine I did have like one boyfriend was I was 15 and he broke my heart.)

Maybe it was the lockdown. I was confined to limited space. I had no choice but get to know and build a connection with strangers.

I head out to the park , and notice a lot more people were active than usual today. Pretty mom with her baby/child? ( holy shit that fucker grew up), Skinny bitch was not skinny anymore. I guess she started hitting the cheetos at home too.

I find an empty spot on a bench and sit down. The sun begins to set, moving down slowly. It was beautiful. I cant remember the last time, I sat down and watched the sunset.

Something was poking my nikes.

I notice a tiny paw claw at my feet. It was a kitten.

Are you alone buddy?

The kitten mews.

I pick it up and place it on my lap. It purrs and snuggles in.

In that moment, I could only feel failure and abandonment. I didn't want to let the kitten go. Everyone had drifted away from me somehow. And now it seems my fate at my workplace will be determined tomorrow.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

It turns into a sob and I just let go. bring it on.

That's when I realize its just old fashioned heartbreak. I made a connection with a person who was never truly mine to begin with. I had a choice to let go or drown in this sorrow.

I stroke the purring kitten and we watch the sunset , together.

Tomorrow is another day.