From Thorns To Roses

...Dark...

...Cold...

Was there anything in between?

My eyes gently fluttered open, much like a butterfly too weak to fly.

I was alive again.

As my eyes adjusted, I could see a dilapidated wooden ceiling falling apart above me. Water slowly dripped onto my forehead from a hole surrounded by black mold. As my senses returned, I could make out the stench of filth and death. I continued to stare at the ceiling with blank eyes.

Again? Did I reincarnate again? That makes it the fifth time...

...Will I ever be freed from this curse?

I moved my hand to rub my aching head.

I paused.

Wait… Why is my hand so big? Babies don't usually have large hands that look like this… Could I be in a world of giants?

My limbs ached, but I forced myself to ignore it. It was just like every other time. I woke up to see an unfamiliar ceiling above me. My body ached and my head throbbed as I was forced to remember every single detail from my past lives.

However, unlike the previous times, I could move my stiff muscles with precision. I managed to sit up after using energy I barely had. I froze when I noticed I was in a fully clothed adult body. I was wearing a dark robe with grey trim that looked similar to something I had seen in my fourth life. The robe was poor quality, slightly ripped, and covered in blood. My hands traced the wounds lining my body, but they didn't appear to be bleeding any longer.

This is different.

In confusion, I looked around the room. The room was just as decrepit as the ceiling. There was only a thatch mat on the ground for a bed with a broken table and chair beside me. My eyes stopped when I noticed a yellow reflective glass in front of me. I stumbled to the mirror and stared at it in disbelief.

Reflected in the mirror was an unfamiliar face.

There was an androgenous beauty looking back at me with ambiguous features. Whether they were a feminine man or a masculine female, I couldn't tell. They had long silky black hair matted with blood and dark black eyes twinged with red. Their eyes drooped slightly giving off a pouty and seductive look. There was a single beauty mark beside those tear dropped eyes.

I reached out and touched my face, only to see the same action reflected in the glass.

Shouldn't I be reincarnated? I have always woken up in the body of an infant. Could this world just not have infants? Is such a thing even possible? The worlds have usually always followed the same layout only with subtle differences.

Then what could this be?

...If this isn't reincarnation… Then could it be… Transmigration?

Please let me at least be a boy this time.

I moved my stiff limbs and felt my own body. I frowned when I discovered that I was in the body of a female. Although I was a bit disappointed, I do have to admit this is my ideal body. After being male and female in the past, I feel more comfortable when I look like neither.

I walked forward in my brown robes and stumbled from the effort. I went to the door and threw it open. My nose wrinkled when I smelled the stench of human waste and sludge. I walked through the alleys and knew immediately that I was in the slums.

It was filthy and filled with disease. The humans that lived here could hardly be considered humans. They looked more like walking skeletons. Each one was dying from starvation or sickness.

I kept moving forward trying to figure out what was happening. It was the first time in a while that I didn't understand what was happening after I died. I managed to make it out of the slums where I ran into a person in front of me.

They turned and spat out vehemently, "Eastern Scum! Get out! You are ruining the image of Layell City!"

My pupils shrunk back as my heart dropped in my chest.

I recognized the name.

They shook me off and kept walking with an irritated expression as I panicked.

No, no, no! It can't be! Why does this city have the same name like that one? Surely it was just a coincidence?

I grabbed onto a person walking by. My voice was desperate, "Tell me! Is Dragon Island to the East?"

The person wore a look of disgust as they pushed me off, "It is! Now get off of me, you filth!"

Is it a coincidence?! How can this place have the same geography as my last life? Could it be… That I returned somehow?!

No!

Impossible!

How could I bear to be here when…

I dropped to my knees as I grit my teeth. I leaned forward and clutched my head in agony as the memories from my fourth life came flooding back all at once.

They appeared in front of my eyes as if I was in a theater watching a movie.

The memory was from the very beginning of that terrible life. In the memory, I opened my eyes still shivering from my previous life. I looked up at the high ceiling and realized it had started again. I struggled to look around the room and cursed that lack of muscles I had as a baby. From what I could tell by the room around me, I had been reborn as a female to a wealthy family.

This was the fourth lifetime that I could remember.

In my first life, I had taken it for granted and was cursed in return. After my death in my first life, I discovered the truth about the universe. When you die you are reincarnated and start life anew. Usually, you would forget about your previous life and start over. However, this wasn't the case for me.

I was cursed to remember every single detail from every single second. I couldn't forget anything. It was like all of my memories were burned into my mind.

In my second life, I was born a female slave and suffered an early death.

In my third life, I was born a male prince.

In that life, I also died a pitiable death. At this point, I had decided that gender didn't matter to me. Male or female it was all the same. The only thing left for me was more suffering and torment.

In my fourth life, I was the daughter of a baron.

And thus, the cycle of misery started for me again.