Memories in My Heart

Mama's last devotional service was finished, I could only sit on the bench next to your casket, I saw your face and body for the last time before the closing ceremony, I could only think Even though these tears turned into tears of blood, they would not can wake Mama from her long sleep.

"Anjani, do you still not want to tell your Papa about your mother's death?" Oman asked me, not only Oman who asked this, even all the mourners, who asked about where my father was, and all my relatives.

I could only stand still and see their faces one by one, because I could not answer all their questions. I can only say to myself, "let me keep all this, I don't care what they say to me" I'm sure what is best for me will be better for Mama too.

"Oman, please help me until Mama's burial is complete, huh ..." I diverted Oman's questions with a request that he stay with me until the funeral was over.

"Anjani, you still have to tell your father, you have to say what happened, don't be too selfish Anjani" Oman still insisted on telling me to tell Mama's death to my father. hear the words spoken Oman, the more emotions in me, I will not tell all this to papa! I did not reply to Oman's words, I was just speechless and could only see mama.

"Anjani, what do you want to eat, shall I order?"

Antoni came and held my hand, he was the only person who did not tell me to meet my father, only Antoni could understand my heart, because he was the only one who was always beside me, now I was desperate, and did not have dream again dream, the departure of mama makes me feel lost part of me, it feels like I want to follow mama, but I still have to resolve my grudge so I have to wake up and still have to be able to live my life.

"Antoni, thank you ..."

I grabbed Antony's face and answered the question.

So many mourners came, no family came from my mother or father, I could only see one by one their faces that I did not know.

"Ma ... to whom should I spread the news about mama? I never knew our brother, Maa ..?"

I asked quietly to the mama who was sleeping in front of me.

I can only be quiet when they ask, because I myself do not know what to answer, so far I do not know my brother, because my father and mother never told me and introduced me to them, often I ask them when the holidays arrive, want I go on vacation to relatives, but they just answer with a smile, change the subject or answer with words ....

"Later when you grow up you will understand the reason"

"Maa, why did you leave me with thousands of question marks that I have to solve !?"

Crate starts slowly descending to the ground, I don't know how many times I was not aware of bringing my mother to this last place. I think , my tears could no longer drip, my voice to call mama was gone, all that was left was not in my soul that made my tongue become cold and freeze.

The first thought I gave to mama, not with sincere feelings but revenge, yes .. my revenge to father, because the father who made me lose my mother, because the father who made you go forever ...

land after land began to cover mama's coffin, and now only the mound of land was clearly visible before me.

"Ma, don't worry, I will make mama sleep well there, Ma ... daddy is now in prison, I will make Papa more miserable until he takes his death!"

While smiling, I talk to myself and to mama.

My determination is increasingly burning to see a pathetic father in his life. I no longer care what sin means, what remains is the oath and revenge that I must live.

"Anjani, let's go home."

Antoni supports my body to leave mama alone there.

As if this heart were cut when I saw the mound, I did not accept it, I was not sincere, and I wanted to break it down again, but this reality must be faced by me, I am now alone and must be able to go through all this.

Now I only have Antoni, only he can understand about my will now, I realized his willingness to protect me was so great, because even for a second he always tried to always be by my side. Mama and Antoni are two people who are beautifully engraved in my soul.

"Anjani, I'll be back first, if you need my help, just call me, my mother is always there for you if you need it"

Oman held my hand and said goodbye, for me Oman was more than a brother, he and his family were like my second parents.

"Man, thank you for everything, I haven't been able to talk much with your mother, I'm going home tomorrow ... now I'm really tired."

in a low voice I answered Oman.

"Yes ... you just rest, Antoni, take care of Anjani, I'm sure you won't make her die of sadness." Oman hugged Antoni, he entrusted Antoni to always look after me.

I saw Antoni's face that was so excited to hear the words that came out of Oman's mouth, there was a pride that was implied in his expression, he wanted to prove the meaning of the trust Oman gave him.

"Geez, I will always take care of him, until my last breath, and I beg you to always remember me, if at any time I forget my promise."

They both made promises about me, I could only see them and smile happily, yes ... my first smile when my mother left, I am grateful to have it now, because they always cheer up my life, and make me see that there will be tomorrow which can be better than today. I saw the sky that began to look yellow, carrying all the memories about mama.

"Ma ... thank you for giving birth to me." I told myself. I felt Antoni's hand always holding my hand and hugging my body. I leaned this head on his shoulder, he made me feel calm and comfortable for me.

"Antoni, do I have to see daddy?" Unwittingly, this mouth asked Antoni about papa, and Antoni was surprised to hear my question.

"What ...? Do you really want to see your father? If you want, I'll drive him now ...!"

Antoni's answer, which was so enthusiastic, made me wrong with my own question.

"Miss Anjani, sorry .. Mr. Ali does not want to interfere about the problem of Miss, but indeed Anjani must see his father, and tell everything with his father, because after all Miss is his daughter, and his mama Miss is his wife ... "

hearing the words Mr. Ali said to me made me aware of the mistakes I had made. but if I remember Mama like this because of father, I hate her more.

"But ..... do I have to go because he is my father ?!"

Should I tell him, I'm actually afraid if dad hears about mama, instead he laughs happily not cry and regret it "

I began to argue with Mr. Ali.

"Anjani, I know this is a loss, because I also lost my mother, and even now I still don't want to be replaced, but over time, I have to see the fact that I have to accept and have to go through it"

Antoni began to take part in my debate with Pak Ali.

I could only stand still and listen to their words and intentions. I averted my gaze from them, I looked back to the sky that was starting to color. As if describing mama who was watching over me from there.

"Ma, should I see father?" I asked Mama from my heart. I looked back at Mr. Ali who was serious about his work, then I saw Antoni who was very patient with me.

"Mr. Ali, please take me to see Father!"

finally this heart has made a decision.

"Oh ... ready!" in an entertaining tone Mr. Ali answered me.

"Anjani, I know ... you are a filial son."

Antoni hugs and kisses my forehead, I'm confused by their appearance. why they are happy to hear this decision of mine. although I myself still somewhat doubt my decision. but that's OK ... this must happen ... as Antoni said.

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