6 Iam Sorry

Not Mama but me ...

Tonight makes me feel my breath feels heavy. Imagining all the problems that have happened lately.

I really want to finish my school quickly, and leave this place, because this place is as quiet as a grave for me. A place that can only confine and shut itself up. I can only see with my eyes and must be able to bury the meeting of all this reality.

I can only hope that all this will pass over time. I looked at the ceiling of my room with a pungent silence and blank vision.

"Papa ... don't go Papa ...! Don't leave us Papa ....!"

Suddenly I heard Mama's scream and cried from the living room. I immediately ran and approached Mama.

I saw Mama pulling Papa's arm ... Hope Papa won't leave us again tonight. And this incident really made me more ill and hated it

"Mama ...! Let go of Papa's hand! Let Papa go to his favorite place ...!" I said to mama.

"If you don't want to leave! I'll leave this house!"

I said to daddy.

My anger is mounting, I no longer allow problems like this to happen and happen again. I am really angry in the confusion that surrounds my emotions, I no longer respect my parents. I just don't want Mama to cry and I don't want to see Papa who always makes Mama cry.

Papa's arrogant and selfish nature really made my patience run out. I also shouted at mama.

"Anjani ... don't let your Papa leave us ... Mama can't afford Anjani ... can't handle this situation ..."

Mama then fell in front of me while lamenting Papa.

"Papa .. please leave, and don't come back to this house again! I'm already fed up with your behavior!"

"Maa... why do you have to get married and why do you have to give birth to me !!! If you find out in the end I only see you like this ...! You two don't lose like animals ... !!"

I said a rude and disrespectful tone to Papa and Mama ... because I was very angry with their behavior.

"Plaak ....!" Papa's slap landed on my right cheek.

"You ungodly child! Don't know manners! That's how you talk to the parents who raised you HAH ... !!

The cry of my Papa's voice that I heard was very close on my face and ears ... I looked at Papa with my deepest hatred.

"Pa ... if you are satisfied, slap me and hit me ... please! But if Papa's hand slaps and hits Mama! This time I will not be silent !!! I will make Papa rot in prison ... !!"

I responded to Papa's words in a loud tone and responded with my anger ... no tears came out of my eyes What is in my eyes now is the look of my hatred towards Papa.

" You ungodly child ... !!!"

Almost Papa's hand wanted to slap my face again ... but suddenly Mama hugged me ... and begged Papa ...

"Paaa ...don't hit ! She's our child, She's our only love , Don't you make her suffer ! it's only enough for me ! "

Mama's whining really makes me feel disgusted ...

I don't understand why you are willing to do things like this ... why you don't want to let Papa go ... the fact that Papa always makes him cry. Is this what you like ...

"I'm sick of you two .. !!!

I let go of the hand that hugged my body. And I ran to my room. I took all my belongings and put them all in my suitcase.

I really don't know what will happen later ... now my determination is only one ... I must leave this house and leave them both with their problems.

This soul feels hot with anger and hatred, I still see Mama crying on the couch, and Papa still standing motionless with his gaze toward the black sky without stars.

"Enough to get here ...! I feel fed up with you two and I am very sorry I was born into this world! I am indeed an insolent child! I am indeed an ungodly child .. !! but I ask if you two are worthy of doing this to me. . !! "

Quite satisfied this feels, the last words that can come out of my mouth and I express to them. Then I left them without looking and without wanting to know what would happen to them next.

I ran and ran along with screams of anger and hatred in my heart.

until finally I sat down and I cried ...

"Mama ... Papa ... forgive Anjani ..."

I regret my actions, but I don't want to go back to that house again. I don't want to go back to that atmosphere anymore. I see the sky is getting darker ..

There are no stars and moons at night, it's dark in the sky and my soul now ...

I looked around me, and now my heart began to ask ...

Where will i go ... and Tomorrow what should I do ....

Am I too brave to take action like this,

"Geez ... what should I do ..."

I pray silently, along with my uncertain steps, I hope that God forgives me and guides my steps ...

"Drrrrrt ... Drrrrtt ... Drrrrtt ..."

Suddenly the cellphone in my pocket vibrated.

"Anjani ... !! where are you? Your mother and father are looking for you in my house, Where are you going? Why not go home! Do you want to be a traveler? Where are you Anjani ... please answer me, I ask you? I pick up ok .. where are you now .. go home, love your mother ... she keeps crying and sad and so does your father .. also worried about yourself .. Anjani ... don't be like that, it's inappropriate .. Let us go home !"

I only listened to Oman's voice, not a word I answered his question ... What is certain is that there is a happy feeling when I hear Oman's statement telling me ..

Apparently, I'm not wrong about my steps and decisions. I turned off my cellphone, stopped Oman from calling me again. Then, I will walk peacefully with a smile on my lips.

"Thanks God.. I left all this in YOUR hands ..."

Once again, I stepped foot and looked for a short resting place for me. I saw at the end of the road there was a small supermarket and cafe in front of it.

I intend to buy drinks and bread, because my stomach feels hungry and my throat feels dry due to fatigue while running.

"Anjani ... where are you going? At night bring a suitcase? Where do you want to go ?"

Suddenly he stood right in front of me which surprised me, making me not know what to answer ... I tried to ignore it ... I still go to the supermarket and buy what I need. For me he is nobody, so there is no need to know and interfere in my life.

I don't want to see his face in the slightest. But ... these thoughts and feelings don't feel like I can lie.

I really need his help, and he is the only person I know at times like this. Honestly, this feeling started raging in my heart .. I don't know what to do. A little crazy in my mind .. I assume he is my help angel tonight.

because my direction and purpose is uncertain.

God made me meet him here ...

"Dear God, do I have to be honest with him, do I have to tell him ... God ... is this good for me, please answer me God ?"

I asked God in my heart, because I really didn't know what to do after this. The chaos that I made before made me run away and did not know the purpose anymore, what should I ...

"Anjani ... ok, I know you don't want to say it, but let me accompany you you ...I'm begging you .... I want to watch over you tonight "

He approached me, he spoke while holding my suitcase. I saw his eyes full of sincerity, his desire and seriousness wanting to take care of me. Finally, I answered with a nod of my head and a small smile on my lips.

I just thought, I really needed it tonight. I can not be arrogant to him. Because he's the only person I know now. The person I can hope for now.

I took a deep breath ... and I told myself

"Thank you"

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