21 " Cowardice"

" To see the right and not to do it is cowardice"

- Confucius

Elisa POV

Have it ever wondered that you could be the rudest person in this whole freaking world? Have you ever felt useless and weak? Have you ever questioned of your existence and hoped for being free? Well I did and I can clearly say that I am a coward. That difficult situation and being indecisive really degrade me to the point of being coward. We consider hope as the most precious thing which lights up a darken world but there are certain things in the world where one cannot give false hope to.

Sam has been the most beautiful brother and a best friend to me; he has been my ears and shoulder to lean on. He has been the most amazing person and I can't thank him enough for that. But

love is a feeling which can neither be forced nor brought. A person can have infatuation which fades away with time but if you truly love someone, it stays forever. When you truly love someone, every seconds and minutes reminds you of him. You will see him in every entity that you come across, you heart will somersault every time you think of him. You may be a simple, nerd and natural person but when you love someone, there is no hesitation on caking up your face so that you could look more appealing in front of him.

We hate those cringe stuff those couples do but when you find your other soul you would wish to be lover-dovey with him almost every day. You would try your best to cracks jokes so that his lips could quirk up and that would give you immense satisfaction. Love is like aphrodisiac which is unavoidable and unrestrained; you can never run away from it when it gets you.

I have never felt anything like that with Sam so it was natural for me to reject him. I couldn't and mustn't give him hope because even if I leave Jack there will never be a time where we would be together as a couple. I will forever support him as a best friend but I know that I could never imagine any romance with him. And basically all those mystery surrounding him, it makes understanding him more difficult.

He was knelling in front me and when a man puts down his pride and kneels for someone then that really means he will cherish her forever. I couldn't accept that cherish because I was never worth of it. I couldn't give him my heart when it was already given to someone. I may sound selfish but actually deep inside I didn't want to reject him. I could see his might and wealth displayed in front me and there was some part of me that was tempted towards it. I knew that I could get everything for me and my parents. I could buy a house for my parents so that they don't have to work harder and I could purse higher studies abroad if I accept his proposal. But was this really good and wouldn't it be a sin to play someone's heart for ones gain? I had to think hard about it and rejection was the only conclusion I can draw up.

I couldn't for the thousand times accept him; I ran towards his mansion as every step was hard and filled with guilt. I couldn't get the nuances of the rejection and guilty I was feeling. I didn't turn back; the straight path was the only thing I had to follow. I loved jack and I knew that nothing in this world could change my love for him. Even if he did abandon me, I knew I could live happily with his memories. I did look like a love-struck teenager but I couldn't do anything for I was always destined to love him like forever.

The walk was awkward and I couldn't put up any conversation with him. I was really impressed by his composure because it was really an amazement of how he could remain calm and friendly right after I rejected him. His composure was worth standing ovation. The room was simple and beautiful, majority painted with blue which emphasized the tranquility and serenity of the room. I really loved this room but I couldn't accept this because it could be rude to accept something beloved to him. I know that he loved his mom and it would be really insensible for me to enter his private life. We had a bit of argument about how I couldn't accept this room and how it would be inappropriate to invade his personal space but as always it was impossible to win against him. Sleep never came to me, lying on that comfy mattress it felt like heaven. All those time my back screamed paradise and thanked me for considering him.

I called Jack so to make sure if he was okay or not. I still remember him being wounded and it really had me worried. After the fifth ring I could hear his melodious voice again and it felt soothing listening to it again. It never failed to give me that adrenaline rush and butterflies in my stomach. Even though he confessed and we were official, I couldn't stop feeling nervous and inferior to him. He was the god's master piece and I was a mere eye sore standing right beside him. It was poignant knowing how inferior I was comparing to him but he has always assured me that I meant the world to him so it kind of helped me to believe that half glass full was better than half glass empty.

His words were like marshmallow, sweet in their ordinary sort of way, it was the richness of his tones- soft and warm. I could forever listen to him and never get bored, his voice held that enigmatic charm which could turn ever person on and it was the most majestic thing I have ever heard. After a long conversation of our promises and lovey-dovey session, I decided to get some sleep. The blanket securely wrapped around my body ensuring safety from any coldness. The night star perfectly illuminated the room enabling it to resemble a milky way. The blue color mixed with those moonlight gave one a feeling of peace and solitude.

My throat felt parched as if the skin had been extracted and deprived from all the moisture. It tormented and gnawed at me and I could think of nothing other than finding something cool to quench it. Even my saliva was powdered and I had to grab something.

The kitchen was big as expected, everything was neat and spotless. Everything was placed at their rightful place and it was well stocked. I grabbed a bottle of juice and helped myself, while was busy admiring the lavishness of this kitchen, I heard a whimpering sound that was quite weird because it was impossible for anyone to sneak in this security filled mansion. I couldn't make out whether the sound was a cry for help or it was something.

The basement was more of foxhole, all concrete and no personality. The window hung low, no wider than the silts in a castle turret but placed on their sides. It was connected to a long winding staircase that looked a setting for a horror movie. Everything was bleak and frightening. Without any circulation of air the stagnant aroma of woods and metal made it more claustrophobic.

He looked bloodied, his eyes were swollen over and mouth bruised with the oozing red liquid as clear as rubies. His body was filled with scar that looked really familiar, those rugged skin and linear scar near his tail bone and chest, and it dawned me. He looked more grotesque than before, broken and disfigured. He was in immense pain as his fist tightens and loosens simultaneously. It was a frightening scene, I stepped a bit closer so that I could see who he was talking to. With all the kindness drained away, Sam looked coldblooded. I was scared of his aura which was sending child through my spine. He went near him and lifted his right feet to kick him. I internally shouted as I slowly stepped behind and sneaked away.

I closed the door with a loud thud; I never knew that it could really rain when it pours. I was trying my best to find the way back without being noticed but unfortunately I had to bump onto Sam. Remembering that scene, tension grew in my face and limbs as my breathing became more rapid and hectic. My heart raced faster as I scanned every direction to see whether I was being monitored or not. I was curled tight on the bed, with the only movement of trembling limbs and tears streaming down my cheeks. I know he could never hurt me but there was some uncertainty too.

I was unaware of the passing night until the soft sun fell incidentally onto my face, with a swollen face and eyes I woke up from my deep sleep. My mind was a mess and nothing felt right. I had to help him but there nothing I could do. I wanted to talk to Sam but there was less possibility of his release. Every analysis was futile and it reminded me that I was weak and useless. I had to move on but I felt blameworthy and bad. I was wrong and rude to think of my safety first but there really was nothing I could do. For the first time in forever I hoped of being free, able to be myself.