1 Prologue (part 1)

There was a girl, who, if you met her today, you wouldn't believe used to always be happy. A smile never seems to take appearance on her face anymore, which is a great tragedy. Her close family used to say she could turn anyone's day with just a smile, now she's the one that needs that person. This girl, of course, is Nicole. Dull caramel hair, deathly pale skin, deep eye bags, and those dark mysterious blue eyes that could pierce your soul at an instant. She, unlike everyone around her, was an outcast, the depressed loser you pass in the hallway, the kid people pushed into the lockers. But like I said before, she never used to be this way, life just threw her a curve ball and changed everything forever. Nicole was born to the married couple who's names were David and Catherine Kent. They were a lovely couple. Some would say they were the ideal family, the kind you only seen in movies or commercials. The household consisted of Mr. and Mrs. Kent, Nicole's older sister Olivia, and herself. The Kent's were a close knit family, they never purposely kept something a secret. They were a well oiled machine. Well, until the parents had a falling out. David had came home late sweaty and had hint of beer smell on him. One thing had lead to another, and the two them ended up screaming their lungs out at eachother. This was a very odd occurence for the two since, they never fought. Nicole was terrified, Olivia spend most of the night holding her sister staring at the bedroom door; waiting to see if one of their parents was going to barge in. She was ready to defend herself and her sister if they tried to take them. They never came near them. The father had ended up exiting the house, it was midnight. Catherine, with a saddened heart, retreated to her bedroom and never left until early morning. She didn't want to fight, she really didn't. But the smell had set Mrs. Kent off, she had always had an issue with alcohol and people who consume it. So, when she saw her beloved husband, who she cared the world about, smelling of it she was heartbroken. She couldn't believe him, being inconsiderate and selfish! Her voice spoke venomous words before she could even comprehend what she was saying. Mr. Kent had missed the bus going home from work and had to walk, so he became sweating. And on the way, a drunk guy existing a bar bumped into him and spilled his beer all over David's shirt. He hated alcohol. He had tried to explain all this to Catherine, but she just wouldn't listen. That was one of his biggest annoyances with people, when they just get angry and don't even listen to what the other person has to say. So it was all because of a misunderstanding that fester over months, and months, until, the divorce papers were filed. And, with a blink of the eye, they were in court deciding who was getting custody over the two girls. David ending up taking full custody of Olivia, and Catherine got full custody of Nicole. The parents never once asked the girls how they felt about being separated. Not once did they. The conditions that were decided were that for holiday breaks it would rotated for what children would be leaving that break. Weekends Nicole would be spent them at her father's, weekends for Olivia would be spent at her mother's but it also depended on the other person's schedules. For long weekends the girls took turns staying longer so they'd see eachother. This went on for a few years and it worked well. For Nicole going to her father's meant a break from instant-meals, fast food, and babysitters since her mom was a nurse she had to work a lot. For Olivia it meant a break from their dad's mediocre cooking, she didn't really mind her mother working most nights. It gave her a sense of freedom, which she thoroughly enjoyed. Olivia and Nicole were opposites in that way. Olivia liked to be alone, Nicole prefers to be surrounded by people. There was something about being alone that felt isolating to Nicole. Being by yourself, having no one to turn to if something happened, scared her. She had many sleepless nights. It meant she was still up by the time her mom got home. She'd come barreling towards her, ready to hug her, only to be shooed away. This wasn't the mother she knew. But she never questioned it, not even a bit. 'She's only tired from work, busy taking care of people that's all, she needs space to breathe..right?' Nicole alway told herself, and for awhile, she believed it. Nicole was twelve, four years after the divorce, when she took the initiative to stop greeting her mom after work was done. She couldn't take the rejection anymore, plus, it didn't seem like her mother noticed when she stop doing it. It was just another hassle anyhow. The father wasn't any better. He'd ignore Olivia for weeks on end, then suddenly be clinging to her and trying to gift her anything she wanted to make it up to her. She never excepted any of the gifts, she thought it was just a waste of money anyways. Like materials could fix what had already been done. People in public saw her as a spoiled brat, more so when they saw her father's tired expression, they didn't understood what was really happened. It was sad, and a little sickening, to see her father that way. He had alway been the rock in the family because their mother was the sentimental one, now it seemed they switched. Her mother the rock, her father the sentimental one, her sister the sunshine, and herself; the ring master. This wasn't a knew title, but it had taken on a bigger meaning after the split. Olivia had to sweet and polite yet firm with her father, humorous and witty with her mother, and responsible yet somehow a relief to her sister. It was exhausting but worth it to see those smiles on her family's faces. It was rejuvenating in a way.

A few years pass. Olivia has officially moved out and was about to start college as a photography major, Nicole was bright as ever and going into highschool. The parents are still not able to stay in a room together without glaring at eachother. Their prides got in the way of mending what was between them. Life had finally finally settled itself after the divorce, so many years later, the family had adapted and created a rhythm, a pattern, they would follow. No one must dare break it or something worse could happen that especially the girls fears. So they made sure the pattern was kept stable. It was rather silly that two girls were more mature than their own parents, absolutely ridiculous. It a sin for two people so young to have to deal with the stress of this situation just because two grown adults couldn't fix maturely like they were supposed to. They were kids! But life was never fair was it..?

It was early September. The day was crisp yet humidity and the damp ground was practically covered in autumn leaves, not even the streets or indoors could escape the fall weather. Nicole had woken up earlier than usual, she was just too excited to stay asleep any longer. It was her first day back to school, and the first day at of highschool at that. She had picked out her clothes the night before, incase she accidentally slept in, and if it wasn't for her mother she would've been up at dawn. 6 o'clock on the dot she was up and moving, and moving fast. She sped out of her room and made her way to the kitchen, it was only 6:07. Nicole sat in her sit at the table for breakfast, practically buzzing with excitement and she hadn't even stepped outside yet. "Calm down hun, you still have a lot of time" her mother told her, she had a day off today so she could see her youngest daughter going off for her first day of highschool. Ms. Kent placed a plate of breakfast infront of her daughter to eat, and girl was quick to start eating. The mother shook her head lovingly at her daughter, she sighed and smiling softly "what am I going to do with you, you're eating like a wild animal" the mother spoke, having her hand on her hip. The girl giggled "mom I'm a growing girl! I need fuel to get through my first day" her mom came over and kissed her forehead, "I know I know, when did my little Nikki get so big? I remember when you used to steal my heels to play. Where did the time go" she rubbed her thumb across her daughter's cheek. "Well I would think you would know how that works since you're a nurse mother" the daughter joked. Her mother scoffed, holding in her laughter "oh wow I see how it is! You're getting it, how dare you sass your mother!" She tiggled her hips and smothered her daughter's face with kisses. "Mom! Mom! Okay I'm sorry, I give in, I surrender! I surrender!" Nicole giggled uncontrollably and trying to pushing mom away, squirming away from her hands with everytime her mother tiggled her. Her mother backed off of Nicole and sat beside her, "so sweetheart how're you feeling about highschool? It's a big change that's happening for you right now from middle school to highschool, are you stressed? Any nerves or worries? You're definitely excited" she asked.

"I'm not worried at all and it's going to go great, I'm going to be fine"

"I know, you're very optimistic and not a lot of people are like that nowadays. But you have to know people are cruel and you tend to distance yourself when you're overwhelmed, just please come to me if you're starting to feeling that way instead of putting walls up"

"I promise mom, I'll come to you"

Nicole looked at the clock to check the time, '6:41'. "Well I should be get going and get this high-schooler train" she stood up and kissed her head before getting up to go to the door. She put on and tied up the laces of her converses, grabbing and flinging on her backpack. "Bye mom! Love you, have a good day!" Nicole called back to her mother, smiling.

"Goodbye sweetheart! Have a good day" her mother said happily and with that her daughter was off.

She was ready. Nicole was psyched, she was bumped. Nicole had practically ran the whole way to school and luckily didn't break a sweat, wouldn't want that your first day. Puberty was enough to deal with. She was a little early, but a small amount of peppi-ness didn't hurt anyone right? As soon as she was in the door she was lend to the gymnasium, where Nicole was bombarded with crowds of teens all talking amoungst eachother. A bit overwhelming but doable, all she had to do was keep calm and be confident. This was going to be great! She could feel it.

The orientation went smoothly and she had gone to her first class which was academic math, her teacher had started them off slowly with the unit they were beginning with. It was rather easier for Nicole, but it'll probably get harder later on. It was going as well as she hoped! But about halfway through the class, when; "Nicole Kent to the office, Nicole Kent to the office" the office secretary could be heard over the pa asking her to go the office. Her brain went haywire, she never got called to the office so it was anxiety inducing. Nicole slowly got out of her seat and went down to the office's main desk. "Did I do something wrong? Am I in trouble?" She asked the secretary, Nicole had chill and couldn't help but shake. "Oh heavens no sweetheart!" The kind secretary woman said, the girl sighed in relief but wondered the reason they had called her down then. The woman grasped her hands together as she looked at the girl's eyes sympathetically, "we got a call from your mother saying your father was in a car accident and that you are excused from classes for the rest of the day if you want to go home" Nicole felt a pit in her stomach appear as felt it hard to breathe. Her knees buckled as she sat in the nearest seat close to her so she wouldn't fall on the floor, tears ran down her pale cheeks in unstoppable streams as the woman sat by her and held her in a motherly embrace. The girl cried for what seemed like years in this woman's shoulder, it hurt, it hurt so bad. It hurt more to think of her sister, how was Olivia taking this? Did she even know yet? She was off at college. After a while tears stopped appearing and she went back home. Nicole felt hollow, she felt broken. When she got home no one was home, she was alone. Even when her mother came home she avoided her, she felt she couldn't turn to her or anyone about what she was feeling. She had no one, Nicole officially isolated herself from reality. Suddenly the humid autumn day felt so bitter, so dark, and so cold it could've been a winter's night. Days seemed to blur together as if they were one, Nicole hadn't left her bedroom for days. Not even to eat or shower, she hardly did anything besides stare at walls and cry. The last she went out was the funeral. She didn't go to school anymore, she couldn't handle the stress of going back. The school allowed her the option to come when she was ready, but what if the girl was never ready? What if she wanted to stay alone? Nicole kept herself hidden in her own grief and never tried to leave. Her minded was clouded over. She worried her family, especially her mother. Nicole's mother never saw her daughter anymore, even if she did no words would be shared between anyone. Nicole didn't want to talk to her, she told her daughter everyday since the funeral that she was always there if she wanted to talk. Her mother was desperate to see her daughter, her family was falling apart in the palms of her hands. She hated it! They needed a miracle, something, anything!

One day, her mother knocked on her youngest daughter's door; just like any other. She spoke quietly "hey..I know you just want to be alone right now but you have to tell me what's wrong so I can help you, I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong..." The daughter was radio silence on the other side, she sat curled up on her bed staring out her window. The mother continued "I know at least a fraction of what you're feeling right now, I lost your father too. I miss him even though we weren't on the best of terms, I regret not apologizing sooner to him.. maybe than my soul could be at peace with his pasting. I know it feels like the whole world is failing apart, it's okay to feel that way but it will get better; even if it's not today or tomorrow..it will get better. I actually got a surprise for you, I think you're going to like it" the daughter perked up at those words, she loved surprises. "Your sister Olivia is coming here tomorrow morning, she's overjoyed to see you again" the mother smiled at her words. Nicole felt overjoyed for once in, what seems to be, a long while. She hopped off her bed and opened the door of her room, she hugged her mother tightly. She couldn't stay away from her any longer. It was the miracle the mother hoped for.

The day her sister came home arrived and Nicole couldn't stop smiling. She was so happy to have someone to be with her so she wouldn't be lonely. Olivia was what the girl needed. Days turned into weeks which turned into a month that the sister stayed with them, her school also lend her off because of their father's passing. The family was all happy again, but I guess this isn't their happily ever after yet. Not soon after Olivia had settled in with her family, she began to get chest pains. She didn't think much of it and went on with live, over time the pain got worse and worse. Olivia never told anyone because she didn't want to cause anymore pain for them. One morning the pain was so bad she couldn't move out her bed, she couldn't speak or saying anything. She was stuck to suffer. By the time someone woke up to see her, Olivia was gone. And so Nicole was back in the darkness, seemingly having no way of getting out of it this time. After losing people, Nicole kept herself away from developing friendships or relationships with anyone. She kept isolated from everyone, even her mother. She didn't want more suffering, she wanted the pain to go away. Nicole was in the dark and cold bitterness, but maybe some light and warm to heal her broken heart.