THE START

Today was different from yesterday.

Today, I slept for 12 hours, not for just 9 or 10 and after that I didn't sleep for whole day.

why?

Cause what I did today, was something unusual.

Today I called my loved one on the phone without any specific reason and shared a laugh with them, although it was more out of habit than genuine joy. 

After completing my most important task of my life like sleeping, eating and bathing

 I did something magnificent.

I formally requested an eternal leave from my college, a notable step for a student who only attends on days when the moon vanishes from our sky.

Then when the afternoon came, I went to my favorite juice shop.

There I did drink papaya juice with less sugar, because I am not a fan of much sweet things, as they ruin the taste of raw.

I did all this hard work for what? 

For being considered as normal enough to exist in this abnormal society without being noticed by anyone?

NO. 

Actually, a big NO....

It was just to get what I wanted.

It was to lower the cost that I had to pay to get what I wanted.

Was it gold?

I doubt it a bit.

just like that the evening came.

Within some minutes I reached at the place which was going to work as a pull between me and my destination,

"The Vatik-Sunya Kyū Keisho".

I went to the roof of it.

I loved the silence of mouths and darkness of sky.

darkness which resembled the color of my hair and truth.

The truth was never singular, and that's why it remained untainted or unaffected by any other statement—it already encompassed all and it was black. However, our selfishness altered it from dark to light. People choose to believe in a single statement and dimension of truth which is most common and advantageous to them. But just because it's common to many doesn't mean it's the same for everyone. This is why the truth has become more susceptible to other interpretations.

For different people there was different truth.

Just like death.

For the one who died, truth was an unwelcome peace and departure from unfinished tasks, but for the one who remained behind, their truth was an unbearable pain and endless regret.

Darkness of this sky looked beautifully untouchable. 

In the darkness, I was able to perceive the moon's cruelty and the stars' heartbreaking reality. Despite the pain of being one among many for something that can never be owned, they dedicate their entire existence to a mere glance, yearning to be acknowledged as distinct from the crowd that resembles them but is certainly not them. The greed to be known as yourself, not as a group or just some merely advanced or lowered existence; to be known as someone different from all others. But was it same some moon?

Of course not, and how could it even be so!

isn't the appearance considered enough standard among humans to distinguish between important and non-important thing if you want work to be easy?

but the thing is,

Was it really meant to be this way?

I felt that may be somehow stars are something I had a familiarity with, not for sure but may be.

Ahh, but it for sure does remind me of some lines from a poem which are --

"As a star, I wish you not to be a moon,

For now, I understand the feeling.

Of being one among many

 for the one you desperately desire."

It stared some conflicts between the inner thoughts of myself.

"Stars owe their brightness to the sun just as moon."

but what if they never asked for it? 

Saying and thinking about those things is sure a way of my mind to make me annoyed.

let me just let it be.

I enjoyed my time on the roof.

I talked to myself, sung some songs of my own.

I loved the fact that today i was lucky enough to be alone, it was such a luxury to have a roof just for you and your senses to enjoy.

I lay down on the roof and started to enjoy the gazes of stars and beauty of moon.

It felt like not only the darkness was trying to be darker to make others shine more but also the stars and moon trying to make darkness enjoy the beauty of their shine without making darkness loss it's charm.

everything was just perfectly unprepared for what was about to come. Now i have to give her what i promised to.

 It is the perfect time, so i stand up and cling to the railings.

I looked up then down.

I was on 26th floor and everything looked like small cartoony toys.

people were not even clearly visible.

Now was time to get what I wanted and to pay its price.

I wanted to be the most greedy, selfish and foolish person in the world at the time.

I wanted to not think of anything but just me.

And I did.....

I jumped from there without a second thought of anyone or anything.

I smiled, also laughed and they were genuine.

I felt thrilled because of excitement and fear.

 fear of pain and something unexpected,

thrill of going where I wanted to be.

the down I get the more thrill and the more fear I got.

I remembered my every try where I failed to get what I wanted,

because I cared for other but look how easy it actually was.

I am crying but I was also happy cause this excitement of result and my swim in air just buried my pain and fear of being what they wanted. 

I am sure just like that, when I will reach the end, I will be pulled up from the depth of this dark sea of myself guilt and will be able to get what I logged for, wished for and sink in this sea for.

I will.

I will definitely get it.

Now it was the 10th floor and i realized what it actually cost to get what I wanted...

It wasn't cheap but definitely worth it.

Now just 4 floors more and i will get what should have been mine from the start.

Now I will be free.

I will not die as a slave.

And now I have

MY FREEDO....

and she did get what she wished for.