9 Chapter 9: HIDDEN FEARS: NOAH

When I boarded the aircraft, I took my seat and closed my eyes. I'd have given anything not to have had to endure the long journey back to the USA. I felt distraught that Shona was placed in the hold of the plane alone. It disturbed me so much at one point I almost unbuckled my seat to get off the aircraft before it had left the ground.

As soon as we were in the air and the seatbelt light sign had gone off, I glanced behind me and saw the nearest restroom. I stepped out into the aisle and began to make my way to the back of the cabin, but my gaze fell on the face of a familiar man sleeping soundly. It was the man who had stolen my life from me and the last person I wanted to be in a confined space with - Noah Haxby.

A shock of electricity coursed through me, my heart rhythm stuttering erratically when I recognized it was him. A strangled sob stuck in my throat as I rushed past and trained my eyes on the door of the restroom until I'd gotten safely inside.

My chest felt tight as I sat down in the tiny space and fought for breath. If God had a hand in this twist of fate he was being particularly cruel. Why did he have to send yet another test for me? Wasn't taking my sister enough?

Fighting back my tears, I relieved myself and faced the small rectangular mirror. I looked a mess. Black circles and puffy eyelids were visible signs of the ordeal I had endured. Cupping my hands, I turned on the cold faucet and splashed water on my face. It felt cool, but not soothing enough.

Fury scrambled my brain, but I knew that causing a scene would change nothing. It wasn't like either of us could leave or anything. He was right there and so was I, and I had no option but to tolerate his presence in until the plane landed.

I figured it was either a sick coincidence that we were on the same flight or Annalise had known, but she had felt powerless to do anything about it. I hated him, and nothing would have gratified me more than to punch him hard on my niece's behalf. Shona's love for him was responsible for her daughter being an orphan and for me being left to take care of her child.

The world knew more about Noah Haxby's sleazy reputation than of any other rock star, and from what I'd seen in the papers my opinion was the same as many: he was a low life rock star with no conscience. It wasn't all rumor and speculation either, because according to the press he'd even been banned from seeing his own son. That spoke volumes as to the kind of person he was.

Several minutes later, I was still standing inside the restroom but as anger had taken over from grief it had given me the courage to make my way back to my seat. When I opened the restroom door I saw there was less than thirty feet between me and my seat, with Noah situated less than ten feet from what I perceived then to be my safe haven until we landed.

I closed my eyes briefly and a flash back in my mind produced the ashen face of my sister lying still and lifeless. It gave me the motivation to brave my way to my seat. My eyes honed in on the back of his head as soon as I opened the door and relieve flowed through me when I saw he was still asleep. My stomach, which had been constantly acidic since I'd heard the news, knotted again because the man I blamed for what happened to my sister was sharing her last journey with her. Even after her death it appeared as if he was still capable of causing more chaos for my family.

Once I was back in my seat, my grief caught up with me as exhaustion washed over me. Since I'd heard the news about Shona, the least amount of effort wiped me out. I wasn't sure if it was the cabin pressure or that I'd felt dehydrated, but whatever had contributed to the drowsy feeling I had, I welcomed. Sleep gave my aching heart a break for a few hours.

Glancing out at the seamless, black night sky calmed me down. There was a sense of serenity and I hoped Shona was at peace wherever she was. It was the last thing I remembered as my eyelids drooped and I fell into an uneasy slumber.

***

Someone shrieked loudly, and I woke startled. My pulse raced, alarmed by the sudden noise and in my disoriented state I sat bolt upright, turning my head to look at the commotion behind me. When I saw what was happening my temper rose and stopped just short of my tipping point.

A fan was flirting outrageously with Noah, and I felt both infuriated and sick at the scene. She was perched on top of his lap as he grinned shamelessly while she took selfies of them on her cellphone. His carefree behavior confirmed everything I'd ever read about him. Their raucous conduct was ridiculous had felt highly disrespectful considering what had happened to my sister while on his band's tour.

Neither he, nor the girl showed any consideration toward any of the resting people around them and I felt furious at his selfishness. My eyes narrowed at the arrogance which appeared to ooze from his every pore. I was about to turn away when he shoved the excited girl back to her feet and into the aisle where she headed back toward her seat. I watched him, watching her until he turned his face back in my direction. He obviously caught me observing his behavior and his lips curved into a slow smile. The smile felt salacious. Did he just hit on me? I threw him a look of disgust and turned back to face the front.

It was then I had the weirdest sensation like he was still watching me. The most screwed up part of it all was the fleeting thought that passed through my mind of how good looking he was. The notion that I had even registered this thought about his appearance perturbed me.

I didn't move from my seat for the rest of the night and sat in a paralyzed grief wondering how Shona would have reacted to him being confined in an airplane near to her. I slept again until the cabin lights went on at 6:40 a.m. Breakfast was served, and we were informed our descent had already begun. We landed in Dubai less than thirty minutes later. Greg, the cabin crew manager, came over to me, crouched and murmured in a low tone for my ears only.

"You will be the first passenger to leave the aircraft, Margaret. Linda here will take you to the transport which will transfer you to your hotel. Don't worry, the other passengers will remain behind until you see your sister transferred and you have departed to the gate." Greg gave me a tight smile but a nerve on his jaw ticked and the strain in his voice gave way to a hint of anxiety because he felt awkward.

There was an overnight stop before we continued on to New York. It was less than welcome, and I didn't relish the thought of another night away from home, but I was surprised at how quickly the legal issues were tied up for me to have enabled me to travel back with Shona in the first place. If I'd stayed until the following day I could have taken a direct flight. But I hadn't wanted to stay in Australia a minute longer than I'd had to.

The aircraft door opened with a dull thud and Greg reached up, pulled my overnight bag out of the compartment above my head, then gestured for me to leave by nodding his head toward the door. I rose slowly to my feet and followed him to where a middle aged, smartly dressed woman in a navy blue suit waited to meet me.

I figured her attire was a uniform, but it wasn't the same as all the other airline staff on the plane. Greg gave me a gentle half smile, his eyes softening as I stepped out onto the mobile gangway, and I thought it was a smile of relief that his duties toward me were over.

Standing on the runway, I watched the somber men load Shona's casket again, before being taken to my hotel for the night. As stared out of the window I felt numb and thought how Shona would have loved the adventure of seeing another country.

By the age of eighteen she'd become an unruly teenager with her head in the clouds and a major fantasy crush on Noah and his band called Fr8Load. With his brooding good looks and an eye for the ladies, I could see the attraction, but Shona was obsessed... besotted with the guy.

Occasionally she had even disappeared from home and traipsed around the neighboring states, following his band with hope of meeting him. Her thoughts were delusional where he was concerned, and she had really convinced herself if he ever met her he'd fall in love with her.

Shona was intellectually smart, but dumb as fuck when it came to accepting responsibility for anything. Whenever it suited her she became an airhead, and any time I had tried to have a serious conversation with her she behaved like a petulant teenager and left me with no option but to become parental in my approach.

At eight years my junior, she was the late baby my parents never expected to have after a difficult birth with me, and as young as I'd been back then I had shared some of the responsibility for taking care of her. Our dad was already drowning his sorrows by the time she was walking and died an alcoholic after his company went bust when Shona was almost sixteen. As for our mom, she barely lasted a year after Dad died, due to a sudden deterioration of her chronic ill health. I guess she gave up.

Neither of my parents showed much interest in my younger sister, mainly because she had always displayed an awkward defiance toward them, but I reckoned Shona deserved better and continually tried to keep her on the right side of the tracks. I figured one day her maturity would catch up with her imagination and she'd settle down.

Despite her rebellion, I'd done an okay job with Shona and I thought I was finally getting through to her. Her high school grades were good and she finally settled on going to college to Major in Marketing and Advertising when she dropped the bombshell that she was pregnant. She adamantly refused to say who the father was, but was very determined to keep the baby.

Personally, I was devastated because I knew from the moment she told me, my life plan had instantly changed. Shona's wild behavior had caught up with her but I knew I'd bear the brunt of it. Three weeks after her nineteenth birthday Milly was born and I knew Shona couldn't cope alone.

Instead of using the savings I'd been squirreling away for a deposit on a better place, they were used to buy baby equipment and maternity clothing.

Woody, my then on-off boyfriend of four years, lost patience and grew tired of my constant excuses for not being able to go out, and when he found out Shona and the baby would be staying at home he called time on us for good. Shortly afterward, he moved away from our town and never looked back.