67 Forbidden Alpha- Chapter 69 "We do what we can with what we have."

"Um…I sent Abbie and Jay home. I told them you weren't feeling well." Raven was still unpacking her things keeping her mind busy so she wouldn't have to feel the intense hunger pain emanating from within. Truthfully, she was surprised Liam had the courage to face her alone accounting their last conversation. Raven was still in shock over her own words which didn't feel like her own at all.

"Your brave Liam. It looks like things have taken a turn for the worst." Liam seemed disheartened by her statement and cautiously strolled in and sat down on her bed. Raven caught a glimpse of him in the mirror out of the corner of her eye. Those bright blue eyes were always studying her, watching for subtle changes in body languages, facial expressions. Why was he trying so hard to figure her out?

"I wouldn't say it's taken a turn for the worst at all. When I told you the truth about me, you said it made our encounter more interesting remember?" Raven scowled, using her own words against her…

"Could you take out your contacts please?" Liam startled slightly, she was ignoring all reason and seemed quite intimidating as if searching for a challenge. However, seeing the curiosity in her eyes his hands seemed to move on their own. One by one he gently removed each contact until two bright red stones glared sheepishly back at her.

"We're not the same. Look." Raven pictured the blood again and like natural conditioning her eyes glowed violet. Liam eagerly sat down on the floor and looked closer. He'd never seen such a colour in his life, but she was right, vampires generally had a deep red colour.

"My eyes are violet, yours are red which means something separates us. Have you done any research on our kind I can look at?" Liam nodded still entranced by her appearance, he'd done a full books worth on the supernatural trying to understand himself. Raven seemed relieved.

"Okay I'd like to read it if that's possible." Liam smiled and stood up slightly excited she was going to see his work; Raven outreached her hands for him to help her up. Liam pulled her up and grabbed her shoulders to steady her as she grabbed her stomach in protection. They both wandered to the living room where Liam started fumbling about for his research, for such an observant person he wasn't well organised. Raven sat there apprehensively going over her own problems. It was still sinking in that she was a vampire; her memory loss was really starting to affect her. Such important information shouldn't be forgotten, not when you were at risk of harming people. Abbie was almost her first victim in her new life she'd only known for a mere few weeks. Liam smiled widely as he finally found it buried under some old books.

Raven noted that if the information was impactful to him then it would be easily accessible but instead it was more ignored, banished from his sight so he wouldn't have to be reminded of this unknown sin which was gradually surfacing.

"This is everything I've found. I detailed the main points; the rest wasn't very useful." Raven looked at him suspiciously, even when such an affliction was prevalent, he discarded what wasn't useful?

"Do you have the reference material for this?" she asked coldly knowing that what Liam didn't need was thrown away, his personality grew more darker by the day she thought to herself. Liam nodded unphased, that meant her own research was out of the question unless she collected sources herself. All that was left was twenty pages of desperate writing soaked in anxiety and pain. Raven took the pages from him and began reading the first page. There wasn't a single mention of his sin or his emotions, everything was literal and analytical. As her eyes followed each word reality began strangling her. Bloodlust…superhuman speed…dissociating…super strength…

"Due to a decrease of living cells conception of offspring is impossible and therefore exchange of blood between benefactor and host is necessary in order to carry on the breed…" Soon her thoughts found words and those words found sound. Liam looked down in sympathy, this was her only chance to understand what she was and yet the easiest option gave her no answers.

"Then I mustn't be a vampire if they can't reproduce. If that's true…then what am I?" Raven let the pages slip grasping her head in annoyance, Liam didn't know how to comfort her equally overwhelmed with frustration and uncertainty.

"Um…L-Let's access your symptoms. You can experience bloodlust so that gives the vampire gene one point. S-Stick out your arm." He said hopefully, Raven looked on in distain it seemed so exciting to him.

"I'm not a case or a toy Liam. This is my life were talking about have a little compassion, would you?" Liam shook his head and placed his elbow on the coffee table with his hand open invitingly. Raven frowned before understanding his concept. If she won a battle of strength with a vampire, then that would be another point. Assuming she wouldn't stand a chance, she kneeled down and took his hand weakly, as their pulses clashed, she felt her arm almost vibrate with exhilaration which caused her lips to curl. They both locked eyes, Raven watched his eyes glow red with a victorious look on his face.

"Don't be a sore loser. Ready…Go!" Raven gripped his hand with all of her might and within a single second the deciding factor was vindicated. Liam couldn't believe his ears as the whole coffee table split in two at her force, Raven was equally surprised backing away from the broken glass.

"Holy sh*t your strong! I didn't stand a chance." Raven couldn't understand his excitement, didn't observations like this usually put you on guard, he was living with someone stronger than him? Where was his sense of danger?

"I guess maybe I'm an exception. The bloodlust and strength validate the gene is present however is not only the variable. I- "Raven stopped feeling the room sway slightly, Liam steadied her.

"My bad I was pushing it, stay there I'll get you some water." Liam rushed off leaving the sensation of his hand on her shoulder warm. There it was again…through those hypervigilant eyes was this overwhelming softness. It wasn't something discarded perhaps because he still had hope he could be saved. Raven noted he was a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes he was conceited like a child and other times he was so mature and caring she couldn't keep up. Following her gut instinct, she glanced over at the kitchen beyond the sitting room. They were connected yet why did she feel such a barrier between the two. Like two completely different energies. Watching his every move carefully she began deducting his movements and possibilities when she established through his overbearing need to keep his eyes away from the floor that this was where his sin was born.

Liam rushed back with some water, his hands were shaking she thought, his trauma was still so much alive when their fingertips touched exchanging the glass, she could feel his despair as if it were her own. Raven sipped the water gently as she watched him restack his papers. Distraction…keeping himself busy with little things so he wouldn't have any room for the pain. Inside her chest was this pull, it was heavy and nervous. Raven needed to know exactly what type of demon was resting on his shoulder before this feeling slipped away. Without it expressing his pain wouldn't mean anything anymore.

"Liam, can I ask you something?" Liam jolted slightly hearing her tone change, he knew that tone too well. It was the type of voice you hear when your about to be told a relative had passed away, it was so stern yet so sorrowful.

"So, you noticed huh? I thought you would…we can save it for another day you don't have the energy to hear this right now." Liam brushed her off defensively using her health as a barrier to the truth. Raven took a deep breath trying to keep composure before reaching out and gently taking the papers from his hand.

"Please Liam." It was a small plead but slapped him in the face harshly. Raven wasn't one to dote on her vulnerability he'd decided yet her eyes seemed understanding of him. Even more than Jay and Abbie who had known him his whole life. Raven had eyes you could touch like pages of a book, filled with wonder and wisdom. Liam battled with himself determining if he was stable enough to discuss such a thing. Raven could see his eyes getting tired trying to decide. To his surprise she took both of his hands calmly.

"You don't have to sit their stone faced and tell me everything. If your hurting don't hold back okay? You don't need to protect me or yourself because there is no way I will judge you for whatever your going to tell me. I'm a girl who doesn't even know my own name. I said to you didn't I that I could be a mass murderer for all we know and I'm sitting here doting on you because I trust you. Please trust me too." Liam felt a weight lift from his soul, she was right…Raven had no basis to judge him because she didn't have principles or a live to compare it too. Why was he worried about what Raven would think? Raven could see him breathing steadily as if accepting if he didn't confess then there would be no way to move forward. Raven got comfortable and kept her eyes filled with interest to encourage him to talk.

"Um…It happened a few months ago. I'd just completed my application to the police force so I could become a detective which was always my dream since being a little kid. I was so excited I took a shortcut home so I could tell her… It was pretty late, and the sun was going down, I couldn't see very well but I still walked down that back alley… I was attacked from behind by a hooded guy, I knew from the build and cologne. I tried my best to fight him off, I took martial arts lessons as a teenager, but this guy was so strong I was completely immobilised. The pressure drained my hope before fighting back even became a ray of light. Before I knew it, he'd shoved his wrist in my mouth and held my nose, so I had no choice but to swallow. Then he sunk his teeth into my neck and began draining me dry until my heart slowed down so much, I could feel death like a gust of wind…" Liam paused clenching his fists, so he felt somewhat hopeless for being unable to fight him off.

"I woke up two days later with everyone at my bedside. I couldn't believe I was alive, but I was worried in-case he'd passed on a disease or infection, so I asked them to test me for everything and surprisingly enough the tests came back clear. Now catching a disease would be pretty inviting to be honest, anything but this." Raven watched his eyes fill with each part almost like a sand-timer, but this was good, that expression was positive. It meant he was reflecting and reliving, which was a direct way to tackle trauma. As his lips quivered, she concluded this was the hardest part so far for him.

"Zoey…was my twin sister. She was the only one who could truly understand me…support me…love me." Liam covered his mouth and clutched his chest. His pain flowed through the floor and into Raven heart, hearing the struggle to say his sisters name was unbearable. Raven also considered the factor of their twin bond, those born from the same space at the same time will always have a connection so solid you could grab it like string.

"Zoey and I lived together while we both tried to make our way in life. She was doing a psychology degree nearby while I tried for the police course. Luckily, we both got our wishes…but…Zoey never got to see the end of her wish.", Liam.

"I began noticing changes in myself a couple weeks after leaving the hospital. I barely ate or drank a thing…yet I had so much energy it hurt to stay still. Zoey noticed my attitude changed too; most likely I was deprived of what I needed so I was irritable. Everyone dismissed it as PTSD, thinking I was having mood swings due to the attack but, it was the bloodlust growing stronger and stronger. Zoey supported me the whole time, she never left my side. I wish I'd pushed her away or ran, I was so damn ignorant it kills me. If only I'd studied, my symptoms I could have stopped it…" Liam finally broke down overcome with guilt and distress. Raven shuffled over and stroke his back as he cried. For some reason that sentence angered her immensely. If Only I'd done this. If only I'd done that. What a pointless phrase she thought…it wasn't as if people could turn back time and correct their mistakes. It was a blight literal phrase to express regret, but she didn't want him to say those words at all.

"I was sick, so Zoey made me some family homemade soup when she…cut her finger cutting the carrots. Something so f*cking simple and I couldn't handle it. The next thing I remember was me smelling something sweet, and then… and then…" Liam bit his lip trying to choke the words out of him. Raven grabbed his hands for the climax of his sin.

"I was feeding from her while she lay there looking at me. Zoey never looked at me like that before, those eyes glared at me like I was the biggest betrayer in the world and she's right. I betrayed her and I…killed her. I killed the only person who ever truly loved me. I ripped away everything she had because I didn't think hard enough. I'm a monster!" Liam placed his tearful face in his hands and faced away from Raven most likely to avoid being weak, but she could see through his guilt. It was so strong she felt herself drowning with him. What words of comfort should she offer him? Was it even worth trying to convince him otherwise? Liam was bright and calculated, surely, he'd offered thousands of ways to displace the blame. Or was this an exception to his self?

"Liam, I want you to listen to me very carefully." Raven pulled him around forcefully prying his hands from his face covered in despair, it's presence literally took her breath away. It was clear he had little hope for what she was about to say and looked doubtful off the bat. Raven collected herself calmly, this was a man's sanity on the line. Suddenly somehow words that weren't her own began trailing into her brain and gently floating down to her lips. As her flesh parted to speak, she noticed that the desire to speak wasn't too strong or too weak, it was perfect.

"You hold some responsibility for what happened to Zoey; however, you weren't ignorant at all. Speaking truthfully, we calculate things based on theoretical and non-fictional information. Things like the supernatural don't occur to us based on lack of evidence so as for your failure to detect such a thing, Liam you're not at fault." Liam couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth, it wasn't emotional words or pleading for him to forgive himself. This was a verdict based on intellect only, something he couldn't argue against.

"You didn't actively target Zoey or plan the attack; it was a simple case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. You had no possible way of knowing Zoey would cut her finger when your bloodlust was at it's strongest. So strong you became physically ill." This was unbelievable to him; every word was reaching his heart deflating the overwhelming pressure inside of him.

"Now let's venture back to the beginning, when this nightmare started. You were excited by your acceptance to the force, so you took a shortcut home which is a clear logical choice, you just wanted Zoey to know you'd achieved your side of the dream. Finally, we come to our final factor… The asshole who attacked an innocent man for no apparent reason other than to procreate and carry on the race like your research detailed. Liam you're not guilty of any crime because it was out of your control. Do you know what you should really be doing? Finding the vampire who turned you which lead up to Zoey's death. If hadn't of turned you, you would not be here right now telling such a painful story." Liam looked at her like an idol, she was right he hadn't placed any blame onto the culprit whatsoever. Tracing a crime back to its origin should be his most powerful skill yet he'd discarded it.

"Your minds clouded with a crime in reality you didn't commit but…pain like that can always be moulded into something better. That was the first thing that popped into my head when you were speaking. I feel like I've used those words before somewhere. Pain is actually a really powerful thing because it drives us to do things that wouldn't have been possible without it. Revenge, redemption, acceptance and fighting for what you believe in. I have faith in you that you'll find this person and I'll gladly help you if it means relieving this burden you have. So, what do you say?" Liam was starstruck by her, even after revealing his sin she was right there with him, even offering to help him find the person who had done this to him.

"W-What about you? You want to find out who you are right? You don't have time for me…" Raven gripped his hands tighter with a soft expression.

"I have all the time in the world to discover such things. Right now, I want to do what I can with what I have and that you. I won't give up until I find him so get that brilliant brain working and let's do this."