23 A Hard Headed

The way I have felt after reading the message that was left to me by... me was indescribable. Trust me, there are no words that could show the reality of that feeling. It was just like, as if someone had never tasted the honey, he couldn't know that it is sweet until he take a spoon of it.

To know how I felt, you simply need to live the same experience I have lived. -However, because it's a story, I'm forced to use words.-

Happy, sad, excited, afraid, proud, embarrassed, nothing can stop me, and I do not want to try anything.

First, I am happy because I survived the accident and I am certain that God loves me.

Second, sad, because of how my younger self felt, how he suffered those days,

Third, I was excited since I got a new chance to live life the way I want to and do what I have been told in the letter.

Fourth, I was afraid. I was afraid of what would happen next, and I wasn't sure if I was responsible enough to do the mission.

Fifth, I was proud of being a smart person, and the way I studied and achieved my goal was amazing.

Sixth, embarrassed about what came in the letter from doing something that ruined my pure family's name.

Seventh, and last but not least, nothing can stop me. Therefore, if I am able to do what I have done, then, in the future, even though the possibility of success is zero, I will never choose to quit or surrender.

Eighth, I didn't want to try anything for fear that the thing I was going to do was the same thing that younger me warned me against doing.

-Imagine all of those feelings. You put them in a blender and push them all into one small heart. For me, it was extraordinary.

As I remembered Sara's letter, I started thinking, "Yes, right... I, Kasseri Assam, committed suicide for a girl. What a joke... However, if that was the reason that I threw myself out of a building, what was the purpose of the letter I sent to that bit*ch? " –Sorry for the bad words, but the honesty in the story requires me to say everything.-

"...But, I've got to be honest with myself; as I was with her, my heart couldn't stop beating, and the adrenaline went up. Moreover, if I rated her beauty, I would give her an eleven out of ten because she was WOW!

"Kasseri boy! Come on! "Lunch is served." My thoughts were interrupted by my mom's loud voice calling me, and that made me remember what I was going to do; try to convince my mom about college.

Taking a deep breath, a slap on the cheek, and trying to have some confidence; those things were what I did before I took heavy steps to the kitchen.

I ate until my stomach hurt; the chicken nuggets were a great choice to make it the best meal. -I did an excellent job. -

"Well done, Mrs. Assam; you are on your word; it was the best chicken nuggets I've ever eaten in my whole life." My dad smiled and complimented my mom's food while she was flattered by his words.

"Thank you, but, do you know why it was so delicious?" she asked her husband.

He nodded his head negatively and asked, "Why?"

"Well, because it was for my son," she said, and I was embarrassed by what she said.

"Thanks, mom, a lot..." I said.

My mom's sweet talk made it more difficult to start the college conversation, and then, my dad looked at me and winked.

"Do you love your son?" he asked.

Mom was surprised by his question and said, as if it was obvious, "Of course I do; he is the apple of my eye."

I smiled, with no idea what to say. My father asked her again, "So, if he asked you to do the chicken nugget again, will you do it?"

"Yes, I'll do anything my sweet boy wants."

An immediate answer, "Well, your sweet boy wants to go to college,"

She was shocked because of what he said; she wasn't expecting that and I was like, "is dad a mentalist or something?"

Her sweet accent changed to be cold, "I'll do anything for him except that..." She stood up and prepared to go.

"Mom, please, just sit down to talk." I gripped her hand.

"There is nothing to talk about." She looked into my eyes and answered.

The dad interfered and said, "Sit down," in his deep voice and scary-calm accent. He ordered my mom.

She couldn't disobey him. "Okay, here I'm..." she said while pulling the chair to sit in.

"Look, June, science says that a person's personality never changes as a result of an accident, so we have to thank God for that, because you and I know that the personality and character of our child here allow him to live anywhere, even on Mars." Dad began explaining until I interrupted him. "Thank you, Dad."

"I'm not complimenting you, it's just the truth," he said sharply, and continued, "He is a human being, and he has a life. We shouldn't just stop him from doing what he wants just because of some obstacle that hit him on the road. "

"Obstacle..! Are you serious, Harrow? What is your brother's name? " She asked me directly in a loud voice.

-It was a trap question. How am I supposed to remember the name of the calmest person in the house? He never talks or does anything. Nothing.

Both of my parents were looking at me waiting for my answer, but all that I was capable of doing was keeping silent, as I didn't have a clue;-my brother's name, Yoshiro, is easy, but at that moment it was erased from my mind.

"Yeah, just an obstacle, Harrow..." She stood up again and left the kitchen.

My father seemed disappointed. "Are you serious?"

I did this by raising my shoulders and my eyebrows in a motion that showed me as an irresponsible person.

I began thinking about what I should do, and I couldn't find another solution, so I followed mom to her bedroom. I took her hand and said, "Follow me."

She stared for a moment and then stood up without talking. I walked with her to my room and closed the door.

I didn't have a choice. I mean, she forced me to do it. I'm sorry... -