4 Chapter 4: Desire Engulfs Oneself

"You should stop letting your partners die, Aster. This is the third one you've lost in the past six months."

"Don't worry. He's not dead."

"He's in critical condition, and the doctors are unsure if they will be able to keep him alive."

"I don't care. It wasn't my fault. He knew what he was getting himself into."

"This hinders mission efficiency. Now, we will have to find you another partner."

Aster grumbled in irritation. He was sitting in the front seat of an SPCB van while Yuna drove. The captured young boy was situated in the back, fully restrained with his mouth gagged. He didn't squirm, nor squeal; he simply lay with acceptance of the fate he accepted. The boy knew what he was getting himself into when he denied death. Therefore, he had no right to complain about his present situation.

"Speaking of mission efficiency," Yuna continued. "You only managed to capture one shroud again."

"One of the kids killed herself."

"You could have stopped it."

"Her life was gonna end sooner or later. I might as well let her decide how she was gonna go out."

Yuna frowned. "During your encounter with Clarent at the SPP earlier, you only kept one shroud alive as well. Though it is necessary for you to eat shroud hearts, it is also imperative that shroud hunters, such as yourself, capture as many shrouds as possible to ensure the continued operation of the power plants."

"I hate it when you lecture me like that."

"Mari would have said the same thing."

"I know!" Aster snapped, almost lashing out in anger. He crossed his arms and looked out the window, shifting his body away from Yuna. He struggled to contain his resentment.

"I know it's been hard in the three years since Mari died. That's why I'm trying to be similar to her."

"Just stop already! Stop trying to be like someone else," Aster muttered. He then sighed. "Mari…can't be replaced."

Yuna kept her eyes fixed on the road, unfazed by the outburst. Even Aster had a childish side in himself.

"Very well, then, Aster. I will follow your wishes as long as it improves mission efficiency."

[Why is she so incomprehensible? When she's not trying to act like someone, she's a blank slate.]

After a few more minutes, Aster and Yuna arrived at a shroud power plant. Yuna parked the van at the back of the building, where most deliveries were made. In total, there were about ten SPPs in Reinen; this SPP was but one of many. Even if one SPP were to be attacked, like earlier in the day, the other SPPs would continue to keep the city of Reinen sustained.

As Aster and Yuna got out of the van, two employees emerged from the facility, pushing a plain white bed resembling a coffin, with inhibitor cuffs dangling off the side. As the wheels rolled along the cracked sidewalk, one of them spun in circles, possibly due to a damaged shaft.

Aster took out the captured shroud from the back of the van and placed him onto the mattress. The employees then strapped the boy onto the bed and rolled him into the power plant.

"I've always wondered what happens to shrouds when they get sent to one of these SPPs," Aster said.

Yuna replied, "The shrouds get miasma extracted from their body, and in turn, that miasma is used to power the city with abundant clean energy."

"I know, but how does it get extracted?"

"That information is classified."

Aster rolled his eyes.

Yuna checked the time on her watch. "We must go now. The award ceremony is going to start soon."

The two got back into the van and drove to the SPCB headquarters nearby. The same logo on the van was engraved on the building, with the words Shroud Procurement and Countermeasures Bureau written underneath in blocky letters. Next to the front entrance, the flag of Vergessenheit flew atop a towering flagpole, swaying in the peaceful wind.

The yearly award ceremony was being held today, and this time, the Council of Arbiters was supposed to be the host. It was rare for the nation's leaders to participate in events.

Aster followed Yuna inside the SPCB building, eventually arriving at the gym. The bleachers were pulled out, while foldable chairs were set up across the floor. Aster took a seat on one of the foldable chairs while Yuna stayed behind, standing beside the back bleachers and the entrance. Though almost every seat in the gym was occupied by other shroud hunters and SPCB staff members, the seats adjacent to Aster were empty. The people who were sitting there immediately left upon seeing him. After sitting down, Aster checked his watch to see that it was only 7:31. The ceremony was supposed to start at 8:00.

The next thirty minutes went by excruciatingly slow. Aster kept checking his watch only to find that a mere minute had passed by each time.

An eternity later, the clock read 8:05.

[This is useless.]

Just as Aster was about to get up and leave, the monitor above the stage came to life, revealing an image of a long table with nine individuals seated around it. All the individuals wore crimson robes and an owl mask, each one a unique design different from the others, some with feathers, some with ornate patterns, and even one with a third eye. In grade school, most students were taught the names of every Arbiter, and they would be tested for memorization. Aster never went to school—only receiving a basic homeschooling—so he didn't know any of the Arbiters' names except for Tyto, the Grand Arbiter, and Tenebris, one with whom Aster had a long history with.

On the screen, the individual at the head of the table stood up. Even an infant could tell that this man was the leader just by the air of confidence and charisma that permeated every subtle movement he made.

Shortly after standing up, the man spoke with a commanding voice, "Welcome, everyone. I am Tyto, the Grand Arbiter. We, of the Council of Arbiters, will preside over this ceremony today. It is our pleasure to be part of such a glorious event. Now, if you all would stand for the national anthem."

Everyone stood and placed a fist over their heart in salute as Vergessenheit's national anthem played. Near the end of the song, as instrumentals played, Aster heard some shroud hunters whispering next to him.

"This is a surprise."

"Yeah. The Council of Arbiters rarely ever participates in these sorts of things."

"You think the Grand Arbiter is gonna give some special award?"

"Maybe."

The anthem ends.

"You may all have a seat," Tyto said.

Everyone sat down.

Tyto remained standing as he began his speech.

"As you all know, today is a special occasion. We, the Council of Arbiters, are proud of the achievements of the SPCB. Today is a day in which shroud hunters will be recognized for their exemplary performance. The one to give the awards will be the chief of the SPCB, William Hodgins. Chief Hodgins, will you please go to the podium."

Chief Hodgins stepped onto the stage and stood behind the podium. He then bowed toward the Arbiters. Hodgins was a man of average stature, and he walked with a limp. He also had a black eyepatch concealing a v-shaped scar on his left eye. Nobody knew what happened since he didn't talk about his past, but presently, he was unable to fight out on the field. Additionally, his laid-back, mischievous personality led many to question his competence, but his intelligence and tactical prowess allowed him to rise the ranks of the SPCB, eventually becoming the chief.

Tyto continued speaking, "To begin, I would like to personally recognize certain shroud hunters with the Grand Arbiter's Medal. These individuals are those who distinguished themselves above the rest, risking their lives for the better of our nation. The recipients of this award deserve the utmost recognition. Those who hear their name, please step onto the stage."

From a piece of paper, Tyto read, "Lance Berylltris."

There was a short pause. Finally, Hodgins said, "Lance Berylltris is not present. He is currently on a mission in another city."

"I see," Tyto said, looking back down at his list. "The next is Grey Katsura."

"She is also not present. She is working with Lance Berylltris."

Aster heard the same people near him whispering again.

"This isn't a surprise. Lance and Grey get the best awards."

"They aren't called the Angels of Death for nothing."

Tyto proceeded with the next award recipient. "Salem Rushnell."

An unimpressive young man walked up on stage and received a gold medal from Chief Hodgins. The medal had some sort of design on it, but at this distance, Aster could not discern what it was. After receiving the award, Salem and Hodgins shook hands, and the audience applauded them. Salem returned to his seat, and the ceremony continued. Aster tuned out the presentation, bored out of his mind.

He checked his watch a few times. Finally, he got up and walked down the aisle toward the exit. As he did so, some of the shroud hunters glanced up at him and muttered amongst themselves. He ignored them as he exited the gym, adjusting his hood to conceal his face further. Once he got out, he climbed the stairwell and arrived at the roof. He leaned across the railing at the edge, admiring the sunset. He stood there, lost in thought, all alone, for some time. Eventually, he was snapped out of his reverie when people started to exit the building below him.

[Thank God. It's finally over.]

The door behind Aster creaked open. Another person had come to the roof. It was a female shroud hunter, wearing a pristine uniform. She had green eyes, wore her blonde hair in a tidy bun, and held a medal in one of her hands.

"Are you Aster? This was the award you were supposed to be given."

Aster took the medal and bit it. When he looked back at the award in his hands, there were no teeth marks.

"It's not even real."

"It's the thought that counts."

"I don't care about prizes, awards, nor praise."

The girl sighed. She turned to leave, then stopped herself.

"Hey…Aster…"

"What?"

"Do you remember me?"

Aster scanned her face, then shook his head. "No."

"It's me, Rina. Mari was my mom. We used to play together as little kids, remember?"

The statement unearthed a memory in Aster. It was a memory that he buried deep within his mind so that he would never have to see it again. It was a memory full of joy but also full of misery. Aster clenched his trembling fist and scowled.

"No. I don't know what you're talking about."

"That's okay. We were really little, and you left to live somewhere else, so we didn't get to know each other that much. I'm sure you got to know my mom pretty well, though, since she was the operations director back then."

[It's all my fault…]

"You know," Rina said. "I joined the SPCB with my brother because I always looked up to you."

[…I'm sorry…]

"I don't deserve to be looked up to."

[…I was the one who let her die…]

"Of course you do. You've made so many accomplishments! You're famous!"

[…I couldn't protect her.]

"The reason I'm famous is that I'm a monster."

[I'm irredeemable. Everything's my fault. I've killed hundreds of people. I'm a monster. I'm a tool. I'm worthless. I'm a cursed existence that never should have been given the choice of life.]

A strong gust blew off Aster's hood, messing up his shaggy black hair. Two horns protruded from his head, each one with blue cracks.

Rina smirked. "Stop trying to scare people away with your bad attitude."

Aster placed his hood back over his head.

"Also, why don't you file your horns?"

"It's painful."

"Do you hate pain?"

"I don't like it."

"Of course. Nobody likes pain. And yet, here we care, causing pain for others when we hate pain, ourselves."

"With enough justification, you can forget your own hypocriticism," Aster said. He turned to look back at the dreary sunset.

Rina checked her watch. "Well, I have to get back to work now. I'll see you."

She opened the door to the stairwell and briefly stopped before leaving. "Just so you know, I don't blame you for my mom's death."

At that, she left, closing the door behind her.

Aster stayed on the roof and kicked the railing in frustration.

"It's all my fault."