Chapter XXXVIII

There are not many things that you're afraid of in this world. You'd like to think that you're a very strong individual, ready to take on every challenge the world has to offer. The experiences that you've garnered throughout your years of living has taught you how to be strong, and in some measures, you know enough, so why do you feel so beaten at this very moment?

As you lay your weary body on the bed, with your hands clutching your pillow so tightly, you let your tears fall freely. Just a few moments ago you've witnessed how another person walked out of your life, a person who you care deeply for. You've experienced how people come and go, and you know how much it wounds you to see someone walk away right before your very eyes.

It was a very terrible feeling.

No person wants this kind of weight on their shoulders, and you've never asked for a friend to be taken away from you, much less, leave like he did. Your friendship with Jongin was never meant to end so abruptly, at least, not this way.

Never this way.

It had been hours since that incident happened, and yet here you are still, crying from the loss of a dear, good friend. It was because of these things that you let yourself succumb to the feeling of loneliness, something you've learned to dread, something you don't want to fall into all over again. It was like you're weaving yourself a very tangled web, and in the end, you alone will be left the victim, a victim of this silly game of life that we play.

Slowly, you wrap yourself in your blanket, finding some warmth to enthrall yourself. When you've witnessed him walking away, you wonder if there will ever come a time that you will see him again, a time when there will no longer be trouble such as these. A time when you two can be good friends again, but you doubt that will ever happen, and it's like a big chunk of your heart has been ripped off from your chest. It was daunting, the way he looked into your eyes, telling you the very words that has driven him away, and maybe, if you had let yourself drown inside those dark, piercing orbs, if you had let your emotions get the better of you, you would've plead him not to go, you would have begged him to stay. But that was not the case, wasn't it?

Would it be better if you had run after him and changed his mind?

Will you be happy knowing that he's suffering because of you?

These are the questions lingering inside your head, and if it weren't for the sound of your front door being opened, you would still be inside this dolorous state. You stayed still for a moment, wondering if it was just your imagination running, but you hear heavy footsteps walking about your living room. When you hear the person mumbling profanities under his breath after he crashes loudly against the sofa, you know for sure that your mind isn't playing with you. You can distinctly hear him grumbling while what sounds like him struggling to fit his body in the small couch after kicking off his shoes on the carpeted floor. You were a little fazed by then. You looked at the clock sitting on top of the bedside table, and you wonder how you've forgotten about him. It's half past midnight, yet you would've never remembered him, not when another boy is clouding your mind, and that thought alone made you feel sick to your stomach. Slowly, you stand up from the bed, taking careful steps outside your room while you wipe your unshed tears away.

Why did you suddenly forget about him?

It was simple really.

It was because of the encounter you had with his friend.

After all that's said and done, you went your way home, with your mind just wandering about his confession, about how much pain was painted inside his eyes, and how he so easily gave up on your friendship, all because he stupidly claims he's in love with you.

You can't understand him, yet at the same time, you do.

You understand him so well.

Looking at the dimly lit room, setting your gaze upon the man that is lying on the couch, you smile a bittersweet smile.

You will always, always choose him.

If you were given an opportunity to turn back the hands of time and change the future, you will never change anything, because you will always choose Sehun.

It may sound selfish, but you'd rather lose a friend, rather than lose the man you love.

Wearily, you walk closer to the man's sleeping figure, sitting down on the carpeted floor as you go. You watch his uneven breathing, his body looking a tad too big for the furniture. His right arm is placed against his forehead, while his right leg is dangling from the couch, showing you how uncomfortable his position is.

You let out another smile, and this time, it was a tad genuine than the last one.

Hours ago, you were conflicted, and a little bit on the remorseful side. You didn't know that just the mere presence of this man can make you feel so at ease, and looking at him, you suddenly feel like the weight on your shoulders had been lifted.

"Sehun, wake up." You pat your hand on his shoulders, receiving a low groan from him.

"Hey." You take his right hand and carefully pull it away from his face. "Let's get you to bed, hmn?"

Sehun tossed and turned with what little space the couch had left for him, and when you see his face a little clearer this time, with the dim light illuminating him, your heart sank.

"What is this?"

You ask, your voice in a little panic, yet the male was only able to mumble incoherent words.

"Sehun, what happened to you?"

Carefully, you run your fingers on the right side of his face, careful not to put pressure. There were bruises on his cheek, and there was a tiny cut on the end of his right brow, leaving a trail of dry blood on his skin. Immediately, you walk your way towards the kitchen, looking for first aid, and some lukewarm water. You went on his aid, with a basin of water in hand, and a clean towel in the other. There is a trickle of worry laced on your face as you clean his bruises, and when you see him wincing, causing him to wake up from his sleep, you carefully wipe the towel on his forehead.

As Sehun's eyes slowly opened, all the words were stuck in your throat. There's just something about his eyes that has left you speechless.

Was it anger?

His intense gaze falls upon you, making you uncomfortable in your little spot. His brows are furrowed and his eyes scream of nothing but relentlessness, his eyes staring at you in a very intense manner.

"Baby?"

You look at him with bewilderment in your eyes, and it's as if a spell had been broken. His eyes slowly turned soft, and you felt his hand reaching out to yours, brushing his lips against your palm.

"What happened?"

You ask again, with the same worry you had, and you watch closely how he knits his brows together.

"I-" He heaves a sigh, thinking of a number of reasons why his face is beaten up.

"I slipped." He grumbled, his voice a little low. "I was very stupid."

"You…slipped?"

You find it quite hard to believe, and the uncertainty in his eyes doesn't help much with the situation.

"Yeah." Slowly, he got up from the couch and sat down. "I-uh, I fell, head first, face flat on the floor." He says in a very unconvincing manner. It was very slippery." He added. "The floor, I mean."

"Oh." You slowly nod your head, trying to sink in the information. "Please be careful next time."

"I was very stupid wasn't I?" Sehun asked, while his eyes are looking at nothing in particular, then he looked at you with a sullen look in his eyes.

"Tell me I'm not stupid." He grabs your hand in an abrupt manner, causing the damp towel to fall from your grasp. "Tell me I wasn't wrong."

"N-no, of course not. You're never stupid, Sehun." You gulp as his grasp tightens, cutting circulation off from your wrist. You can tell that there's more to his words than he leads on, and you watch how a glare slowly forms in his eyes. Slowly, Sehun towers over you, his face only an inch away from yours.

"Are you absolutely sure that I'm right? Can you assure me that I wasn't mistaken?"

His voice sounds deadly, dark clouds looming over his gaze, sending you into a frenzy. Your mind wanders on so many things, and you wonder why he's giving you a very bad vibe, yet the way his hand is holding yours, making you swear that he's hurting you on purpose, made you speechless beyond comparison.

"I'm asking you a question sweetheart." He says in a low grunt, and you sense for the very first time, a tinge of alcohol in his breath.

"Y-yes." You hitch another breath. "You're absolutely right."

Sehun stares in your eyes for a good amount of time, sizing you up, trying to see if there is some truth in your words, and when he finds himself satisfied, he gives you a bone-chilling smirk, then ruthlessly let go of your hand, making you back away a little.

"Good." He sneers. "Because I'm moving out." Then he gets up from the couch to take a few measly steps towards your room. It took a few seconds for the information to sink in, and when it did, you feel dread slowly creeping inside you.

"W-wait." You blink your eyes a couple of times. "What do you mean you're moving out?"

Sehun didn't answer, you can only hear his footsteps inside your room. It didn't take much for your patience to wear off, and you suddenly found yourself striding towards the same room.

"Will you please explain to me why-"

"Relax sweetheart." He cuts you off in a very teasing manner. "I'm just moving back to my condo."

It didn't take you long enough to understand his words, and you almost screamed for joy when you did.

"So, does that mean that you and your parents talked things through?" You ask in a very hopeful voice.

His mouth twisted in a frown at the mention of his parents, an expression you failed to notice.

"Something like that." Sehun says while he takes his shirt off, then reaches for another one. "I told you you'd be surprised." He smirks. "Are you not?"

"Oh yes, very much so." You give him another smile, maybe there still is hope for him and his family. "I'm so pleased you guys worked things out, how are you feeling? How is your mom?"

You wait for the man to answer your questions, but his enthusiasm was lackluster. Disappointed that he didn't spill much about his reconciliation with his parents, you walk closer to him, but he was fast to deflect your approach as he moved towards the empty bed.

"I'd talk and celebrate with you sweetheart, but it's late, and I'm dead tired." He plops himself to the bed, burying his body inside the warmth of your blanket, and you stand there, staring at him for what seemed like forever.

You were a little upset. How can he shrug something of that worth just like that? Was he not happy that he and his family had finally settled their issues? You shake your head at the thought. Tonight's events must have tired Sehun out, and it was almost midnight, maybe you can pester him with information the next day over breakfast?

You stand and stare at him in silence, waiting for him to call you to join him, but he had his back faced on you, something he never did before. He would always cuddle with you at night, and in the morning, you'd find yourself trapped in his embrace, his long legs in tangle with yours, but right now, he seemed a bit distant.

Suddenly, Sehun rolled on the bed to face you. His eyes roaming your entire face. There was something bothering him, a tinge of loneliness lurking inside his eyes.

"Come join me, sweetheart?" He spoke, breaking the silence that is slowly eating you up.

With careful steps, you went to the bed beside him, and once you lay yourself to rest, he takes you inside his arms, his labored breathing the only thing playing inside your ears.

"Are we okay, Sehun?"

You finally managed to ask, and he went still for a moment.

"Of course." He answered in a hushed tone. "Why do you think otherwise?"

Before you can answer back, he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

"Sleep. He whispered against your ear.

"We'll talk in the morning."

That night, you dreamt of butterflies and rainbows, and how the sky slowly started to turn grey, making everything dark, and cold, and lifeless.