1 Chapter One

"I can't do this." I shook my head. Jameson really was doing the most. Drunk as hell. Sending messages that make no sense.

I love you, Willa. Make you so happy. Just be here.

Dude. It's 3 AM your time, I sighed. Go on to bed. I know I'm tired. I'm tired of not knowing how much Jameson was drinking. If he was staying out of trouble. Was it time for me to call Ellie (his sister) again? She was a sweetheart but I didn't want to involve her if I didn't have to.

I turned off my TV, put on my white noise machine and went to bed. I'd deal with it tomorrow- good thing I didn't have to work.

The Next Day

I woke up to messages from Jameson and I didn't know what to think. I knew it was the alcohol. I knew the real Jameson was in there somewhere. That's what I was waiting to see.

I started thinking about when we first met. Jameson and I met while working at a mental health facility. He was a nurse and I was a mental health associate, basically a CNA. minus the certification. I thought he was amazingly gorgeous and his British accent blew me away. He didn't talk much and for once I didn't either. I never knew what to say around him. It turns out he loved my humor (around others), my Kentucky accent and other things.

I was so sad when I heard he had moved back to England. I'd missed my shot! I was getting a divorce and fell in love with someone else. A year later, a random Facebook post brought Jameson back to me. We talked.

Sent pics.

Jameson still had that gorgeous smile.

Talked on the phone for hours.

That accent made my brain shut down. I giggled like I was 15 again.

Sent all kinds of pics.

We opened up to each other.

Then BOOM Jameson was gone. The other man in my life died. My life fell apart and Jameson was nowhere to be found. This is when I called Ellie. I was desperate and looked her up on Facebook. He was in rehab. I was sad but relieved. I knew he had a drinking problem but didn't know the details. I was glad Ellie was nice to me.

Seven months later, he came back. Fresh out of rehab, he called me and sounded ten times better. From then on, we talked daily.

I stretched out and moved my cat, Lily. She's huge but very cuddly. I couldn't lay in bed all day, I needed to think. I grabbed a bottled Frappuccino out of my refrigerator along with some fruit. I fed Lily, sat on my couch and turned on some music.

After a few rounds of "The Heart Wants What It Wants" I decided to call Ellie later in the day. I'd have to wait until about 3 PM my time so I knew she would be able to talk at 8.

The Waiting Game

I played with Lily, read a book and watched some really bad TV. I needed a chill day and it was a perfect day for that. Just before 3, I curled up on my couch with Lily and called Ellie.

"Hey, Willa, how are you," she said in her brilliant accent.

"I'm okay, Ellie, thanks. The question of the day is, how is Jameson."

I sighed.

"I saw him two days ago and I don't know what to say."

My heart dropped.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know," Ellie said quietly. "He's looking real bad. Like almost rehab bad. That's beginning to look like an option."

I pulled Lily onto my lap.

"Okay. He's been really trashed the last few times we've video chatter and even messaging is bad."

"Oh, Willa, I'm sorry. I know he loves you. When he mentions you, his face just lights up. I just don't think he knows how to get out of this hole he's in."

I teared up.

"I love him too. I really do, Ellie, or I wouldn't be talking to you. What can I do? I just want to hop a flight."

Ellie paused and I heard her talking to one of her four kids.

"Sorry, Willa. Anyway, you can't just fly here."

I paused. I knew I couldn't but the idea sounded wonderful, but then maybe not. What would be the point if Jameson was too trashed to enjoy being with me?

"Yeah, I know. I wish. I just hate not knowing what to do."

"I'll call you in a couple days about this time and update you. How's that?"

"That works. Thank you, Ellie."

"No. Thank you, Willa."

I stared out my living room window for a long time after that phone call. Then I opened my laptop and started looking up flights from Lexington to London.

SHIT. This is not going to be a cheap idea, but...

Good thing my passport is up to date.

I had vacation time coming up so I left a message for my manager. I'd go to work the next couple days and fill out the paperwork but I really needed the time off.

Even Later That Day

"Are you out of your mind?"

Seth raised one eyebrow. "Baby, I'm all for love, you know this, but I don't know about this."

Seth and I were sitting at our favorite restaurant, Lady's. I was eating a chicken BLT with a baked potato. Seth was putting away fried chicken and corn.

"Thanks, thanks a lot man."

We laughed.

"Look, I thought you were gonna be my groomsman," I giggled. "Help a woman out."

He set down his fork and drank some Sprite.

"I know you love Jameson and all but flying all the way to London, though?"

I sighed and glanced out the window.

"It's only slightly insane but yeah it's an idea."

Seth laughed. "A wild one. Packing for overseas is the worst."

We finished our meal and went our separate ways.

I was up most of that night, unable to sleep. I wanted so badly to be with Jameson but knew it was better to stay away.