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*Coco still stands as my favourite BTW

(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)*

*

Vanilla

When I was little, back at the lighthouse with Mother, there were posters of her everywhere.

Mother was a very popular actress.

And she missed it.

I was little, but I could tell.

She would stare at her reflection and practice different accents, roles, parts....

And act like I did not exist.

I think that would have been her favourite thing to act as.

Making me, non existent.

The only times she did notice me, she would hit me till I was out like a light, then I would wake up in Father's arms, him telling me that he was sorry that she hit me, and did not mean it.

It always lead to them fighting at night.

'I never wanted a child! Now you made me keep her and you hide us away cause you're ashamed of us! What in God's name is wrong with you?'

'Will you keep calm? You'd wake Vanessa'

'Let the damn ugly bitch wake up! It's her fault you don't even love me anymore goddamn it!'

You see, I never knew why, but it was always my fault.

It always had been.

Then, I had Pa saying it wasn't, and that it was okay because he was here for me.

But now, as I remember being moved around different homes....

'She wouldn't talk George! If she just.... Talks! We'd get rid of her! But she... She wouldn't! She's getting older and she eats a terrible lot! We need to do something about her'

It was my fault.

Probably, if I had learnt to speak, maybe I'd be in a warm house, a family that would kiss me and I'd belong....

I would have stood up to Court.... Or maybe even Ber....

But here I was....

Lost.

I had consider going back, but after a week of being extremely lost, I have no idea where am I.

I was born in Aeira, and even there, Mother never let me out of her sight and neither did they at the orphanage.

Or at the convent.

'You have such beautiful white hair Nessie. You look like Elsa'

I miss her....

Even though she...

I involuntarily bite into my lips as my stomach grumbles.

God, I am hungry.

The only thing I'd been feeding on was dumpster food because thankfully, unlike Aeira, Vnio were full of rich people who never ate a lot.

I stare down at my now dirty pyjama trousers, and bare feet that was beginning to have blisters....

Tears begin to full my eye lids as I hug myself.

I should have just remained good.

I should have...

Stayed at the convent, fought whatever demonic thoughts were filling my head....

I should have prayed harder.

'How dare you touch her in that manner?! Fourth strokes for you!'

I scrunch my laps as I begin to scrub my hands together.

Dirty...

Dirty piece of....

I scratch till I see blood dripping and let out an exhale.

'Blood purges sin. That's why Jesus died for us with his blood'

'Id whip you till you bleed. We must cast this demon from you!'

I cry loud again.

Minutes later, I'm walking down the street but no one is even looking at me.

That's one thing about Vniese people.

They were too self absorbed about their perfect life and world to care about people like me.

And I was grateful for that.

Sighing, I bring out the doughnut I had seen in the dumpster as I walk.

This one had not even been bitten into before it was thrown.

Maybe whoever it was did not like the crust.

They could get really petty like that sometimes.

I bite into it, letting out a sigh of bliss at the feeling in my mouth as I continue nibbling until I see a man begging at the side of the road.

As usual, no one is noticing.

He looks like me.... Like he also... Had nothing to eat....

I stare at my doughnut and look up, finding him staring at my doughnut too, though he coughs and looks away, continuing his begging.

As my stomach bites into me, telling me that he was not my problem and already had enough of it and I turn, about to leave before I find myself marching to him.

He stares as I approach, in fear or shock, I don't know, but I smile at him, snapping my doughnut into halves, and giving him one side of it.

He looks at me, then it, as if he cannot believe it and neither can I, cause I am madly hungry, madly starving, but I smile and nudge it towards him.

Taking it, he still has his eyes on me, until he bites into it and begins to chew.

I smile "It's nice huh?"

"Vanessa!"

I stay frozen at the voice.

The person runs to me and turns me around, my eyes seeing the glasses first before I see his green eyes "You're... You're okay!"

Ari wraps me into a hug, but I am still too frozen to do anything.

When I realize I must be smelling horribly, I shove him away, moving back.

The old beggar, watching us with interest.

He laughs nervously, raking a hand into his hair as he says "Geez, sorry, I.... I forgot you're not one for contact. It's just... After Friday, I didn't see you in school, I've been worried, I...."

Then at that moment, his eyes seemed to realize the fact I probably looked a mess and they widened "Nessa...."

"I...I have to go" I force myself to say, though it comes out as a mumble turning but his hand holds mine.

"You can come stay at my place"

I turn to look at him.

He smiles at me "Well, you know all my siblings aren't in town and the only one that is, doesn't even stay home. Mum says the house is lonely... And she's never had a girl before, not that, not that...." Then he facepalms "Ah, I must sound stupid"

"Not...really"

He slowly let's his hand off his face as he stares at me with anticipation "You'd... You'd come? You can just stay over, you know, until you're ready to leave. I don't think anyone would mind. Mother cooks too much food anyway and I know you must be hungry"

I am about to shake my head and say that I'm not but my stomach growls and his eyes widens "You are! Come on, we're having barbecue today!"

He begins to pull me along but I stop.

As he turns, he has a sad face "Nessa...."

I look down "The... Old man needs some money to eat"

His eyes twinkle as he gives me a small smile "Always thinking of others huh?" Then he turns to the man and bows "Forgive me sir. Here"

If I was... No I'm positive.

He dropped all his life savings in the man's cup.

The man stares at him, bewildered, then back at me.

But I'm more stunned than him as Ari faces me and says "Can we go now?"

I barely give a nod before he brightens up again and begins to drag me off.

I turn to the old man and he mouths a thank you.

I smile and wave.

For the first time....

I did something good for someone....

And that felt real nice