60 The great battle of 84

Aino and Ryu looked guilty and turned to the side, saying "Well, we got you some…" Anko changed her tune and smiled easily, "Oh, how kind of you guys. I love you~!" Ryu let out a breath and smiled "I love you too!" as he lunged into her lap, hugging her soft and smooth thighs.

Aino sat on Ryu's head and whispered "Mommy, actually, Daddy was a superhero today!" Anko raised her brows and stroked Ryu's hair, replying "Oh?" Aino waved her hands and said "Yeah! You know! There was this silly family! They were all confused about where their sister was but we already sent her home already so then 4 more brothers came!"

Her eyes widened and she was very animated, gesturing "Then there was this baldy big brother and he was really ugly but Aino didn't tell him or else he would cry because he was so ugly and then Daddy kicked him! But Aino thinks it was because he was ugly and nobody liked him and so then the last brother came and Daddy felt bad so he sent him back home very slowly!"

Aino patted her chest, saying "Those silly gooses, they all had the same orange hair and sticks in their faces. Aino thinks that they live in the woods because they were too ugly to see people and can only cry alone." Anko burst out laughing and kissed Aino's face, saying sweetly "You're so cute, Aino~ Mommy loves you most!"

Ryu looked up and pouted, Anko rolled her eyes at him and Aino smiled happily, saying "Aino loves mommy most too!"

Ryu turned white and looked at Aino with a heartbroken expression, Anko burst out laughing and smiled "You can have more Dango tonight, what a good girl!"

Ryu pouted "What about Daddy?!" Aino nodded with an expression that said 'Don't worry, I've figured it all out' "Aino loves Daddy Mostest!" Anko froze and Ryu jumped up, spinning Aino in his hands, "Hahahahaha! Daddy loves Aino mostest too! Haahahah!" he hugged her like stolen goods as he sneered at Anko, adding "Much more than Mommy. Heh heh heh~"

Anko exploded and shouted "No! Mommy loves you the most!" as she dropkicked Ryu flying, catching Aino and snorting.

Ryu lunged at her, taking her down and locking her body up as he took Aino from her arms, smirking "Oh yeah!? Can you even compare to how much I love Aino!?" Anko escaped and put Aino on the couch before wrestling with Ryu on the ground, laughing in anger "You want me to beat you to death!?" Ryu sneered with a cackle "Come on, who's afraid of your sexy long legs? Hm? Not me!" as they started a dustbrawl.

Aino crawled away and jumped off the sofa, looking behind her as she ran over to the Dango bags… and stuffing her face, curling her lips happily.

While all this was happening

Deva Path Pain was looking for the other paths in confusion, Nagato cleared his throat and said to Konan, "We'll start tomorrow…" Konan coughed and nodded "I see…"

That night

Ryu walked out of Konoha with his hands behind his head, humming to himself as he walked into the woods.

He whistled a tune to himself as he approached a tree and slapped Konan flying before kicking through the bark to see Nagato and all 6 paths looking at him.

He smiled and waved "Nagato-chan~ Are you doing okay? Couldn't help but notice that you're trying to reduce Konoha to rubble!"

Deva Path said "Shinra-Tens-" Ryu grabbed his face and smashed it into the ground before stepping on it and looking at Nagato with a smile, continuing "Anyway~ Nagato-chan, how about you fight outside of Konoha and not ruin my good work, okay?"

He leaned forward and smiled, waving his finger "Or else I'll kill you~ Are you curious about how Hidan died? Maybe you can ask him in the Pure Land! Sounds fun, right?"

Nagato finally spoke, "Who are you?"

Ryu smiled and burst into flames as his Eternal Mangekyou spun in his eyes.

He grabbed the Naraka Path Pain and flames surged, turning him to ashes instantly.

He grabbed Nagato's neck and smiled with squinted eyes, "I don't think you understand. This isn't a negotiation. You fight outside, or I incinerate you, get it?" He cracked open his eyes and released all his pressure and Conqueror's Haki, saying coldly with a harmless smile "Unlike Jiraiya, I know all your abilities. I will not hesitate to snuff a weak minded fool like you out of existence, do you get it?"

Ryu lifted him out of the chair device, squeezing slightly as he grinned cruelly "Do you understand, kid? I will reduce you to ashes along with that chick outside. Your so-called peace and pain, I don't give a rat's ass."

Nagato was choking and Konan ran in shouting "Don't hurt him!" Ryu turned to her and curled his lips to an exaggerated degree, "Oh~ A little birdie came back? Would you still look good as ashes?" as he raised his hand slowly.

Nagato shouted "I agree! Stop! STOP!" Ryu tilted his head and smiled harmlessly, letting Nagato go as he said "See? Why didn't you say that before? We're all friends here, right? Hahahah!"

He squeezed Nagato's sweat filled face, leaning close and saying in an icy tone "Go back on my agreement and I will permanently erase you, Konan, and Yahiko's souls from this world forever."

Nagato's face was filled with fear as Ryu tapped his cheek with his palm, smiling "Good boy. See you when I see you~" as he walked away, spinning a Chakra Stick in between his fingers and whistling happily.

Konan helped Nagato up, saying "Who was that?!" Nagato's face was full of fear and said "Not who, but what! That was a monster! A very terrifying monster!" as he shivered, Konan hugged him in distress, saying "Maybe we should forget it, Nagato… Let's leave!"

Nagato nodded and agreed for the first time in his life "Yeah… Let's get out of here!"

Ryu turned around and threw the chakra stick back at the treehole.

The Asura Path Pain was pinned to the trunk by the head instantly.

Nagato and Konan felt their scalps were numb as they read the carvings on the melted stick…

'If you run, you'll become nourishment for the Land of Fire's forests. Enjoy your pain~! -Your secret Admirer <3'

Nagato held his hands and said in fear "Monster! He's a monster! Ahhh!"

Ryu returned to Konoha and waved at the guards, smiling "Hello, you guys!" they smiled and waved, "Ryu-sensei! What're you up to?" Ryu chuckled and walked past them, saying happily "Just hunting for some rabbits."

A few minutes later

Ryu was sitting in Tsunade's office with his legs crossed and his elbow on the backrest as he sipped on a coffee.

Jiraiya sat on the other couch with a scowl and his arms crossed.

Tsunade fixed up her clothes and coughed "And what you said is true?" Ryu sipped on the coffee and looked at Jiraiya with half opened eyes, shutting between him and Tsunade, before saying "That's right, Trashkage. On another note, two Trash-Sages coming together to make a Garbage Pail Kid? I can't say I support it…"

Tsunade glared at him and Jiraiya coughed, "Are they both alright?" Ryu rolled his eyes and replied "I only scared them a little. Good for character. Send Sakura, Hinata, Naruto, and those other kids to go beat some sense into him, what else is there to do?"

Tsunade slapped the table, shouting "This is the Leader of Akatsuki! Can't you just take care of it?!" Jiraiya's face changed and Ryu groaned at the ceiling, replying "How embarrassing is that? Imagine having to go back and say 'Ah I was supposed to kill you, sorry.' It's like going to the store to buy something but not having enough money, you don't come back right after…"

Tsunade opened her mouth but Ryu unexpectedly continued "You wait a few days, check if that guy is working that day and go back if he isn't…"

Tsunade roared angrily "Damn it! You really think I'm a joke?! I'm Hokage, okay! I'm ordering you to-" Ryu coughed and said "I can't. I'm critically ill. I have the black lung. Plus this is good training for the kids, right? How fantastic! They don't get to train in life and death situations everyday! I bet they're all chomping at the bit for this excellent experience."

Ryu waved his finger and sighed "Ah, to be young. If I was still young, I would go and do it myself! Alas…" Tsunade sneered "I thought you couldn't go because you had the black lung?" Ryu frowned and coughed "I can't be old and have the black lung? Look at yourself? You're like 80 years old, you should be thinking about if you CAN have kids instead of if you SHOULD, you know?"

Tsunade trembled and her face turned purple!

Everyone in the village heard Tsunade roar "RYU, I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! AHHHHHHHHHH!" Along with an explosion.

They rushed out and saw Ryu sitting on Third Hokage's nose, sipping a coffee as Tsunade shook her fist and seemed to be screaming.

They looked at each other before slowly going back to their houses.

Aino looked out the window sleepily in pink teddy bear pajamas, mumbling "Daddy's in trouble… Aino to the rescue…" before falling backwards into her bed and snoring as she scratched her cute belly button.

Anko shook her head and looked at Aino, who was snoring with her pajama shirt ruffled, exposing her little tummy while she scratched her belly. Anko gushed and fixed her pajama shirt, tucked her in, and kissed her face before leaving her room.

Ryu sipped the coffee, saying "Ah. Shiver me timbers…" Tsunade was breathing flames and exhaling smoke as she roared, "I swear to First Hokage if I don't flay your skin, I'm not human!"

Ryu paused and looked at her, asking "Then are you a cow?"

Tsunade screamed and jumped off the Hokage building chasing after him, swinging her fist angrily.

Ryu sailed through the air gently, sighing as he suddenly recited a poem, "In old age, we rage. For fear that we age. An ever nearing limit, to the joy that is life. Why quibble about nonsensical strife?"

Some women below swooned, "Oh wow, Ryu-sama is so handsome~" and then some men shouted angrily "That's my wife, you're swooning, bastard!"

Ryu sneered and shouted "Learn poetry, you stupid fuck!" as Tsunade smashed down from above like a gorilla!

Ryu caught her hands and spun her around, throwing her out to a harmless area, chiding "Don't ruin the village, you milk cow!" before knocking on his head and saying "I mean. Moooo~!"

Tsunade nearly died from anger and Ryu burst out laughing suddenly saying "You were right, Jiraiya-sama! She really did get angry!" before disappearing into thin air.

Tsunade turned to Jiraiya, looking about ready to eat his flesh and drink his blood!

Jiraiya turned white and shouted in shock "You believed him?!" Tsunade trotted over and grabbed him, saying evilly "No but he's stronger than me!"

Jiraiya froze and looked at her with a dumbfounded expression. He kneeled down and said "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again…" Tsunade felt much better and stroked his head, nodding "Mm~!" before beating him up.

The next day~