Chapter 1

“There’s that fallen tree we sat on last time,” I said. “Do you want to rest for a while?”

Mark and I were walking through the woods on Boxing Day.

He smiled. “I guess I should call it my confession log.”

“If you want to sit somewhere else….”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Mark said, resting his head on my shoulder. “Last night was wonderful for me. It was like my first time all over again.”

I grew embarrassed and found myself apologising. “You must think I’m…stupid for not being able to go all the way. I just—”

“Stop it.” Mark gave me a squeeze. “Our friendship grew over time, so it seems only right our love life should do the same. And besides, I don’t have any condoms.”

Mark had refused to put me at risk. Although he’d undergone some blood tests in hospital, which had come back negative, he still worried that something from his former clients might still lie dormant inside him. Despite this, the previous night had been much more than I could have ever hoped for. The loving, the tenderness, the tears. Throughout, Mark had been gentle, kind, and supportive. Never in my wildest fantasies could I have believed being with another man could be so wonderful.

Mark started to shiver.

I kissed his neck. “Want to walk again?”

He leaned up and kissed me. “Please.”

We got up and I dusted him down. It being fairly thickly wooded and with no one else about, we put our arms around each other.

“Do you think the nurse will keep your bandages off next time?”

“I don’t know. My hands keep itching. She said that was a good sign. If I tell her that I’ll be careful, maybe she won’t wrap them. It’ll be great to be able to use them again.”

“It must be frustrating. The ward sister told me you might get upset because you couldn’t do things for yourself, but I don’t remember you getting that way.”

“I’ve felt like I was going in that direction a time or two, but you’ve been absolutely great. You should have gone into nursing.”

I shook my head. “I couldn’t. I think the main reason why I’m able to help you is because I love you.” I got a thrill saying that; I’d never said it to another person, apart from family members of course.

Mark—who had been forced to work the streets due to his dad kicking him out of the house—had suffered chemical burns to his hands when there’d been an explosion at his pimp’s house. Jake—the pimp—had died, releasing Mark from the financial hold he’d been under. After I’d learned about Mark’s accident, I’d rushed to his bedside and persuaded him to come and live with me. One thing had led to another and on Christmas morning we’d declared our love for each other.

Wow, I thought, it’s only been twenty-four hours. I can’t believe it.

“Did you always want to work in a library?” Mark asked, snapping me back to the present.

I nodded, embarrassed.

“What?”

“Remember, I’m a pretty repressed kind of guy. I didn’t play outside much when I was little. When I was naughty, Mum would make me go outside as punishment, rather than send me to my room.”

Mark chuckled.

“I’ve always liked the smell and the…I don’t know, the potential for learning of a room full of books. That’s why I studied library science at university.”

“You went to uni?” he asked.

I nodded. “It was okay, I didn’t join in the social activities as much as I should have though.” Feeling the depressive thoughts—that were never far away—crowd in, I continued, “Look, Mark, I’m a boring, stay-at-home person. I hope I don’t stifle you with all that.”

“Stop it,” Mark repeated. “Remember, I’ve known you for a few months now. And I’ve come to love that person very much.”

“Thanks,” I said softly, giving Mark a squeeze.

We walked a little further before he said, “The main reason why I left our house so often was to get away from Dad. I had a few friends in Newcastle, but no one really close, you know?”

“I know. I had one close friend, Patrick. I even thought at one point that I might have had a crush on him.”

“What happened?”

“We were watching the telly one night, and something about the Stonewall Riots in New York came on. Patrick came out with some pretty horrible things about gay people. I was grateful for that programme. I slowly edged myself away from him after that. Saved me some heartache down the line I suppose. Anyway, his family moved down south and I haven’t heard from him since.”

“No great loss,” Mark said, giving me a hug.