4 My Thoughts

Some time has passed and I have learned a lot, for one, I learned the basics of dark magic. I not only learned about the history of the world, but also a general overview of the culture here. I am on the continent Elibe, and on this continent, there are 5 major countries: Bern, Etruria, Lycia, Illia, and Sacae. All of these countries were founded by one of the Eight Legends.

Bern by Hartmut the Hero, Etruria by Elimine the Holy Woman, Lycia by Roland the Champion, Illia by Barigan the Holy Knight, and Sacae by Hanon the Divine Trooper. Not going to lie, their epithets sound cool to me.

However there are 3 other regions to take note of, they are the Western Isles, the Nabata Desert, and Valor. These territories have some connection to the remaining 3 legends, Durban the Berserker settled on the Western Isles, and my 'master' Bramimond the Enigma, sacrificed his humanity on the island of Valor. According to Bramimond's memories, the last legend resides in a hidden village in the Nabata Desert.

Sadly this era is very similar to the medieval period, which means no indoor plumbing and no toilet paper. I asked to be sure, sadly the scholars focused on studying magic instead of coming up with ways to improve the quality of life. For the most part, society functions for the most part like a feudal society. I only say that because quite frankly, most of the knowledge I have of medieval society comes from fiction, and what I can remember from that one history class I had a long time ago. When I learned that there were nobles in this society I had an epiphany, I thought this was a great opportunity.

This is great for me because I have the opportunity to cross something off my bucket list. God might have sent me here for wish fulfillment, but that doesn't mean I can't also fulfill some of my dreams. After reading a lot of webnovels, I thought 'I wonder how it feels to slap the face of one of those arrogant young masters or nobles, and now I have the chance. I learned the etiquette of every single noble family and all of the royalty families on the continent, both past and present. I am ready, not only to slap a face but to do it with a closed hand.

Have I gone too far, yes, have I wasted a lot of time doing so, oh absolutely. I have dreams too, and god didn't stop me, he enabled me. He said he admired my enthusiasm to improve myself, but I know he could sense my selfishness, my petty desire to be better than those nobles. It was a nice feeling having a god learn something for my sake, and he did it in an instant. The lessons were filled with a lot of pain and suffering, but I overcame the obstacles. It was worth it because I became the Supreme Gentleman, but unlike that other guy, I have confidence and can get some.

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In the grand scheme of things I didn't waste that much time, because this god is like Reinhard from Re: Zero, he keeps pulling powers out of nowhere. I asked him how strong he is when compared to the other gods, and I am going to paraphrase what he said to me. 'They can't do shit to me. I made death my bitch, and anyone who can get a shot on me will never be able to do it again. Even if I do lose, I will come back even stronger than ever, I have all the time available to do so.'

I get he is overpowered because he has control over the concept of self-improvement, but adding control over the concept of time and immunity from his wife the goddess of death is too much. I realized how inescapable my situation is, and how fighting him will only make him stronger.

It is better to focus on having the most fun I can in this dire situation. Comedy is how I learned to cope with some of the more depressing or hopeless aspects of my life. My parents have taught me to always make the most of life, and having a second chance at life while keeping my memories is a great opportunity. Would I still be the same person if I lost the memories that molded me into the person I became in my first life?

Part of me agrees with this god and is willing to go along with his plan. There is also a part of me wants to test my character as well. I have always wanted to be like my parents, and I never found myself in a situation drastic enough to act out. In an era that heroes can exist and be celebrated, can I still be as selfish as I was and care only for those closest to me? God is giving me the power and the knowledge to make me a potential hero, can I still be selfish when I know I have the capability to save others?

Enough existentialism, for now, I need to make the most difficult decision of my second life, choosing what weapon I want to wield. I have an idea of which one I want to choose, but I am having some second thoughts. This is not something I can rush so easily, after all, I have to think of what weapon will offer me the most versatility in my opinion. I want something fast, something with a lot of range, and possibly deal with a lot of enemies should I be surrounded.

I would like to learn archery, but I want something that can damage even the most armored of foes. The type of bow and arrows that could do the damage I am looking for probably exist in this world. However I am not sure how powerful the standard weapons are in this world, and I need something that can be as easily replaced should I break my weapon. Bows may have the longest range, but there is a dependence on quality arrows and managing arrow use. It would be much easier to swing a weapon around and steal the cannon fodder's weapons when I break mine.

Swords are cliche in my honest opinion, but if I get out-ranged by the opponent I am screwed. Which leads me to my favorite weapon type, the polearm/spear. From a layman's perspective, this has the range I am looking for, but I am not sure how it can deal with multiple enemies.

Most of what I remember from actual medieval combat involved polearms as the mainstay weapon. There are also my personal feelings about weapons, I always thought these types of weapons looked cool and practical. I may be discrediting the other weapons too much because of my bias, but ultimately it's how you use the weapon that matters. I might as well choose the weapon that reassures me the most.

I am not too worried about being a competent fighter, because this god can work miracles. His previous lessons have already shown me he can get the desired results, I already learned how to identify and cure most of the mainstream poisons and diseases out there. The chances of me dying from any of those is low, and I can also craft poisons, if the situation demands it. While I may be confident in my ability to defend myself in the future, what wrong with getting an edge over my enemies, honor won't keep me alive.

The training is going to be painful for sure, I am going to start weapons with the god of tribulations after all. My experience with this guy tells me I am going to learn by getting beaten to death, I learned that trial by fire suits this guy's M.O. perfectly. After all, I was subjected to various poisons and diseases. To make sure I did not die, he put my body into some weird kind of stasis, I was in constant pain until I learned how to cure myself.

This experiencing his lessons has taught me something about myself, for some reason I have an extreme hatred to feeling of being powerless or useless. I think I may have an idea as to what caused this. I think it may have be related to being unable to help my parents as they were slowly dying. I still remember the feeling of being unable to do anything for the people I cared most for, being unable to soothe their pain, or even get the help they needed. Realistically I couldn't do anything against cancer, but the fact that my carelessness and lack of knowledge led to the much earlier demise of parents still haunts me.

I made that mistake and I will have to live with it for the rest of my second life, but I will not make the mistake of being inept again. I am not a genius and experiencing failure is an inevitable part of life. However I will strive to not be afraid of failure and learn to embrace my failures.

The sooner I accept my failures the sooner I learn from them. It's better to fail and suffer in an environment where I can still learn and recover than to fail when it matters most.

I hate being alone, I will try to have a second family or intimate friends. If my suffering can save the people I get close to in my second life, then I will continue to endure and improve. The pain and agony I am experiencing right now is nothing when compared to separated from the people I love most. At least it is to me, can I handle losing another family and more of my friends? I do not want to find out the answer to that question.

I have made my decision, and now I have to tell my master that I want to embark on the path of spearman. Now that I think about it, I remember that in the Fate series being a lancer is suffering. Not going to lie if I have that kind of power then it's worth it. Despite their shitty luck, their battle prowess was something to be in awe of. I guess I now have a goal I want to work towards.

I enter the room where my master is staying. I have to admit despite my feelings towards this god, I can respect him enough to acknowledge him as my master. Not in the sense of someone I serve, but as a teacher. I am not weeb enough to call him sensei, but it also feels wrong to call him master. I have no idea how to address the guy. I really need to have this talk with him one day.

"Have you decided what you want to learn today?"

"I want to start with weapons training, I do not want to be powerless and defenseless when I am in danger. The better my foundation is, the less I'll panic when I am in danger."

"Do you have any idea what weapon you would like to use in the future?"

"I choose the path of a spearman, please guide me, master."

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