30 Goodbye

(Morgan Pov)

------A Few Hours After The Answer

I have to stop running away from a fact I did not want to even think about, let alone acknowledge. My first life is over. I will never see any of my loved ones again, do the things I love, visit the places I loved, and I can't even pay my respects to the dead by visiting their graves.

I don't know how I died, all I know is I went to sleep, and then it was over. I woke up in a baby's body in the arms of a dying mother. I don't even know if my parents are dead or alive. If they are alive, who is going to take care of them? If they are dead, I need to know how they died or what they were feeling.

These past 3 years I have been doing a lot of reminiscing and feeling somewhat depressed. I only say somewhat because I can still find fleeting moments of joy. I haven't lost complete interest in things, but there are times where I feel extremely sad or empty.

I have been surrounded by happy and blossoming families, it just reminds me of what I had in the past with my parents. I see the kids playing around, and I am reminded of the friends that I will never laugh with again. It's no one's fault, and I would rather feel sadness than forgetting them.

I have been thinking about so many different things and constantly trying to keep myself occupied. I did not want to think of what I lost, but sometimes I just let my thoughts run astray. I find myself confronting the topic and then running away.

In the past when I had lost someone, I was reassured by the presence and support of my other loved ones. I am in a different world or possibly in a different universe entirely, with no way to get back. This isn't some dream either, this is the new reality I have to live in.

With magic there is a very remote chance that I can return, there are a couple of problems though. The first problem is I don't know what I would have to give up in exchange for the opportunity. The second problem is I don't know at what point in time I will return.

It could be what I consider the present or it could be the distant future or even the past. The third problem is, would my loved ones want me to make such a large sacrifice for them. Placing my well-being second for my loved ones has always caused problems for me in the past.

I don't know how much I will change trying to get home. And would I even be able to face them after those changes? I already know what they would say to me. They will tell me that they aren't worth it. That I never listen to their advice and that I never enjoy life because of them.

That's why I haven't given more consideration to the idea. There are too many uncertainties and it would go against their wishes. I have instead thought of different ways to deal with the pain. I have been trying to fill that emptiness by interacting with the new people in my new life.

And Hassar's words earlier meant a lot for me, I felt what was missing slowly come back to me. I got the feeling that maybe I can recover from this downward spiral, but I need to do something before I can be happy. I need to stop running and confront what I had been avoiding for so long.

To truly get back on my feet, I need to say goodbye to them. I know that as much I love them, I need to move on for them and myself. Now that they are gone, I should at least listen to the advice they would have given me. I have to find a way to enjoy this miraculous second life without them.

Saying goodbye to them doesn't mean I will forget them. It just means that I will live on and use everything they have taught me to push forward in this life. I shouldn't do this with sadness, this is my final message of love. I am celebrating what they meant to me. I should do this with everything I have got inside of me.

"Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same, if I saw you in heaven? I must be strong and carry on. 'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven."

Dad, I remember when you sang this at grandpa's funeral. I made a vow that I would sing this when you passed on. That day couldn't come, but I promised that I would sing this for you. I don't have the instruments, but with magic, I can replicate the instrumentals.

I don't know if you guys are dead or alive, but I would hate to have died before you and mom. You guys don't need that kind of pain, but if you are dead then that means you guys are possibly watching over me. You deserve this performance after everything you have done for me. I am alive, and I will try to stay strong for all of us.

Dad, you taught me everything about hard work, integrity, the strength of heart, and how to be a man in general. You were what I strived to be and I still try to live up to the example you set. All of the advice you have given to me I haven't forgotten any of it. I owe much of my character to your guidance.

Mom, you were the heart of our small family. You were the one who taught me how to stay in control of my emotions. How I should treat people, the proper time to fight, and how to judge a person's character. We may have butted heads a lot, but it was an honor serving with you.

"Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees. Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please. Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure. And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven"

Daniel, my brother from another mother, it looks like I can't be the best man at your wedding. You made sure the group didn't fall completely apart and supported all of us. Thank you for being there when Maya died, Max and I really appreciate what you have done.

Lewis, we may have butted heads since middle school, but you always stood by my side when it mattered most. I took a bullet for you, and you took one for me. You were also like a brother to me, and I never took anything you said to me personally. I regret not making up after our last fight.

Maxwell my best friend, you are my final brother, and we almost were brothers for real. When your sister died, we became broken men. That brought us closer and I said to you, that I would always be there for you buddy. I'm so sorry, but it looks like I'm leaving you too. You were the first friend I ever had. Nearly 20 years of friendship, I'm surprised we lasted that long.

I'll miss the 3 of you, and I'll make sure to remember all the stupid things we did together. It's really morbid to say this, but we all knew deep down I would be the first to go. We just never knew when it would happen. I hope you guys make people laugh at my funeral.

Now that I think about it, who will even show up to my funeral? I lost touch with a lot of people over the years. I wonder how many of them will remember me and how many of them will bother to show up? Either way, I bid all of those I had an impact on farewell.

"I must be strong and carry on. 'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven."

~That was a touching moment, and I'm not crying. You are the one who is crying.~

"You're right, a couple of tears came out. I guess I'll forget hearing your blubbering if you don't talk about this moment ever again. I want to lay things to rest once and for all today. This is the day I decided to live my life out to its fullest potential."

~Morgan, I need you to be completely honest and serious about what I want to talk about.~

"All right, go for it."

~You have finally said goodbye to your old life, but I have a couple of questions for you. Do you think you can enjoy this new life of yours? Right now it's easy for you to say that you can and will. You are experiencing an emotional high, so I need you to think carefully about this.

You don't know what you will experience in the future, what good or bad things life will force you to face head-on. Do you think you can push through what is thrown at you? Can you keep this newfound determination of yours?~

"I can and will push through everything life will throw at me. I mean, I already lived out one life and I have the experiences to help me deal with my problems. It was a relatively short life, but those experiences will help me see the things that I missed last time more clearly"

~I know you well enough to ask you this Morgan. Do you have enough confidence in yourself to give me your word? You may be a liar, but you hold yourself to a certain standard. Your integrity won't allow you to go back on something you promised someone.~

"Well played Clara, well played. You must also know that I do not like making even frivolous promises. I can't promise you that I won't falter, it would be stupid for me to do so. I am only human, the possibility that I will experience something that can break me will always exist."

~What can you promise me then Morgan.~

"Not going to lie, that's a cheap blow. Alright, if I have to make a promise to you then, um let me think for a bit. Okay, this may seem like a cop-out, but I will promise you that I will try. I will try to push through the tribulations life will throw at me, and I will try to enjoy what I have now."

~If we ever meet again, I expect that you answer the questions I ask of you. Were you able to live up to the promise? Did you ever falter, was there a time where it was hard to push through? If you die right now, is there anything you regret not doing?

I don't want you to run away from me, I want you to face me head-on. Prove to me with your actions that you have lived by those words. I won't be there to watch or guide you. I want to see how much you can do on your own.~

"If we meet again hmm, well I guess it is time for you to go then. You know there is only one way to find out. We have to cross paths again someday in the future. Before you go let me just say this. Thank you for being my first friend in this life. I don't know what you are, or what you want.

I don't care either, I just need to know you were there for me when I needed it. You have my gratitude and I owe you favor, a favor that I will repay no matter what. It was a pleasure being with you these past 3 years Clara. I don't know your real name, I'm sorry for not asking."

~It's fine, maybe I'll tell you when we meet again. Whatever, this is supposed to be a celebration of your first life. Sing for me something that is both happy and hopeful. I want our departure to end on a high note.~

"I'll sing to you the song I know best, this song is the one that holds the most sentimental value to me. This was the song that helped me move on from the first death that broke my spirit. It was the song that was taught to me by the woman I loved the most in the past, and this was the song that we sang together the most."

~Do you want to make me cry again?~

"Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear. Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. How do you measure, measure a year?"

Maya, I can't visit your grave and talk to you anymore. But, that doesn't mean I will stop thinking about you. You were right when you said you would be the woman I would love the most in my life. I don't know if I will meet anyone who will touch my heart like you once did.

"It's time now, to sing out, though the story never ends. Let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends. Remember the love. Remember the love. Remember the love."

If I do ever meet such a woman, I hope you know this. You were the woman Markus Faust loved the most in his life. He never got over you, you won, you were the one he chose at the very end. Morgan will do his best, and learn from the mistakes Marcus made. He won't be late, he will choose a lot sooner.

~That was beautiful, but you should take out my skull. We need to end this with some fireworks.~

"If that's what you want, I'll do it."

I take out the skull that has been accompanying me since my first day in the outside world. I throw it up as hard as I can.

~Goodbye.~

"Goodbye, my friend."

I hold out my index and middle finger, and I aim for the airborne skull. Clara wants fireworks, if that's the case, I won't hold back. This is supposed to be a goodbye, I will make this as spectacular as I can.

~Everything you do from this point on is up to you and you alone.~

"PIERCE!"

I hit the skull with my spell. I see and hear an explosion off in the distance. The skull is completely obliterated, and in its wake we have a twinkling rainbow painting the night sky. After seeing all the colors disappear, I head back to the tribe.

"Morgan are you okay! What was that loud noise? What happened out there?" (Madelyn)

"Nothing, nothing happened."