12 Chapter Twelve: Compromise

"Enough!" Xiao Xue breathed out tiredly. "Marriage is impossible. It's time to go back."

"Stop running away and look at me!" Xie Yuan bit back. He grabbed her shoulders and forcefully turned her to face him. He's been quite reasonable, enduring until that moment, but his initial approach doesn't seem to be working so perhaps another method would.

"No, you look at me!" She lashed out, pushing his hands away. "Is this face, this leg, not a good enough reason for you to walk away? What about my lack of cultivation, my nonexistent family and social connection? Tell me those do not matter!"

For the first time since she transmigrated Xiao Xue felt ashamed and heartbroken due to her current circumstances. Whether she admits it or not her heart was already moved by him. She wished things were different but reality is often unkind and because of that, her feelings do not and cannot count.

Until today, Xiao Xue had never felt inferior or ashamed of her destroyed looks and broken body. To her this body is a shell, although broken, she needs it in order to live a new life. She became immune, learned to accept reality and moved on because she had no other choice. But even if she's unafraid and reconciled to accepting her unfair fate, that doesn't mean she'd allow another person to be mocked, sneered at and isolated because of her.

It terrifies her, what Xie Yuan would endure because of her. He would be cut off and scorned not just by his family and friends but also by the world that used to worship him and hailed him as a promising young hero. She cannot do it, not to him. Most of all, she will not allow him to do it to himself.

"We've already established that those ridiculous things do not matter to you, why do you think they'd be important to me?" His little fool still cannot get it through her thick skull. It appears he has to break it down for her so she would understand. "Little Xue, I've been looking at you from the first moment I met you. I think it's you who have not been looking at me. Do you think I care about the scars on your face? Or your lame leg? Your lack of strength or family connection? Do you really see me as a shallow and petty man?"

Xiao Xue was stunned into silence by those words. Her mind instantly wandered to the day she first met him and to the following days after. No, she doesn't think Xie Yuan is shallow or petty, far from it. He's kind and honorable, he would never look at a person and think of what kind of benefit he could get. He would never…

She sucked in a harsh breath and glared irritably at Xie Yuan. He's trying to confuse her again! Whatever kind of man he is, it's not the issue. Marriage and finding a companion is a lifetime commitment. To some it may be insignificant but Xiao Xue's beliefs are quite strong. If she ever finds a cultivation partner it would only be the two of them. There will be no other lovers, second or third wives nor concubines. Her dao companion can only be hers and no one else's. With Xie Yuan's status, how could that be possible?

Xie Yuan chuckled at Xiao Xue's inner battle. Her transparency is one of things he loves about her. She cannot hide anything, not with words or actions, especially not with her facial expressions. He sighed happily as he pulled her back into his arms, gently squeezing her waist. His heart and mind are finally at peace knowing he's already won.

"Stop trying to drive me away using your scars and your lame leg. I am not intimidated by them. It's part of who you are and I like every part of you." He reached out and gently traced the shell of her ear with his thumb. "I will not be swayed by your weak arguments and stop staring at me like that, it makes me want to kiss you."

When he first saw her, he shamelessly stared at her not because of her half-ruined appearance but because he was amazed as to how a person with no hint of strength could roam the Black Highlands unattended. He was astounded by the fact that someone could be so unfettered and worry-free. He debated whether she was brave and courageous or incredibly stupid and suicidal.

After that, he witnessed her kindness and gentleness. Her virtues were so many that it overshadowed her physical deficiencies. His oversight led to a bad situation during the storm and he's been vigilant since. He cannot fully express it in words but the truth is, he cannot 'see' her scars or her lame leg or ugliness that others see. To be more exact, he sees past them.

To Xie Yuan those scars are just that, scars. They may not look pretty but they are testament to an unspeakable hardship that Xiao Xue managed to overcome. How could he not love it? He decided to help her mend her leg not because he's bothered by how she walks but because it worries him that the leg causes her pain when the weather is bad.

Xie Yuan cannot 'see' the deficiencies because what he sees when he looks at her is a kind and gentle, beautiful young woman who's been hurt and stained by the world but despite all that retained her purity and innocence. How could he not be mesmerized? How could he notice a few scars and a broken leg when it's clear that her physical appearance does not define the beauty within? How could he focus on what she's lacking when she is so much more than what one sees? He's been aware and certain of this truth from the moment he awakened to his budding feelings, how come his little fool doesn't seem to understand?

"I've been trying to show you how I feel about you but I don't think you will understand it unless I say it out loud." Xie Yuan tilted her chin so they would see eye to eye. At first her eyes shifted left and right, unwilling to meet his, waiting for him to let go and move away. But when he didn't, she reluctantly looked back at him. "I like you, Xiao Xue." He declared earnestly, passionately. "I desire you and I want you to be my wife."

Xiao Xue blanked out for a second before regaining her composure. He said he likes her and somehow, instinctively, she knew it was true. She felt it through his actions, from the way he looks at her, but she rationalized it all and categorized it under the facade of friendship because she was afraid to believe, to hope. Worse, she was terrified to end up disappointed. Now that he said it out loud, straightforwardly, her heart feels flustered.

How could it be possible? How can such a happy miracle be true?

Xiao Xue's doubts are too deep and ingrained to her bones. Although she believes Xie Yuan will not lie about his feelings to cheat hers, she still tries to reason with him. "Your family and your sect will not approve!"

Instead of answering her, Xie Yuan's hands that were locked around her small waist brought her body closer, fitting every grove and valley in between. He held her like he wanted to fuse their bodies together, one heartbeat, one breath.

"You will be mocked by your peers and people will spurn you for having…" She continued weakly.

Xie Yuan, again, did not reply and lovingly rubbed his cheeks against hers before touching their foreheads together.

"Xie Yuan, I am serious! You will regret it…" Although she's still trying to convince him there was no more strength in her arguments. She was no longer turning away or pushing him to leave and forget.

"Little Xue, give in to me…" He whispered provocatively by her ear, gently biting her soft lobe.

"Shameless!" She screamed, covering the ear he just bit.

How could she not see it before today that this man was so brazen? Xie Yuan has been very docile in front of her and perhaps that lulled her into a false sense of security and thought that he was harmless. But now, for some reason, this ruffian was willing to reveal his true colors! She was thoroughly deceived.

"Yes, I am shameless! Look at what you've done to me, Little Xue. Because of you I have no dignity or pride." Xie Yuan whispered teasingly by her ear, his fingers lightly caressing her sensitive neck. "Now tell me, wife, how will you compensate me?"

"Xie Yuan!" Xiao Xue pushed at his chest but it was like pushing against a wall. She did not move him at all. "Do not call me wife, I have not agreed to marry you."

Xie Yuan inwardly sighed. Her misgivings ran too deep and are far too many. He'd have to prove himself before she fully commits to him. Thankfully, he swayed her enough to make a concession. For someone like Xiao Xue, this was already a huge step forward.

"Say yes," he coaxed slowly, his fingers gently stroking the back of her neck.

Xiao Xue could feel her tension draining away. She lightly closed her eyes and said weakly, "You will regret it."

Xie Yuan, again, rubbed his cheek against hers. Ah, so stubborn! He thought. Then he whispered softly, "Did it ever occur to you that you might be the one who will regret and not me? That you are the one settling and not me? Stop arguing, Little Xue, say yes!"

There was no more fight left in her. Xiao Xue sighed and buried her flushed face on his chest. She was still terrified but in the end, she cannot lie to him and she cannot lie to herself. She was willing to compromise.

"I will agree to an engagement." Xiao Xue's voice was muffled but Xie Yuan could understand her. "Later, if you're still amiable, we can discuss marriage."

Xie Yuan blissfully enveloped Xiao Xue in his embrace, dropped a quick kiss on the top of her head and breathed out contentedly. If anyone saw his devilishly handsome face now, they'd be enthralled and lose their souls as an unrivaled smile blossoms on Xie Yuan's unparalleled face.

Finally, she is his.