22 The Man in the Mirror

I'm not going down without a fight. I start reaching for my knife as I spin around. Right as I'm about to pull it from my pocket I look at his face. It's not him. It's just a stranger. I give them a nod out of politeness and quickly head into the bathroom. I can feel myself shaking and there's a weight on my chest. I have to stop this now or someone will notice that there's something wrong with me. Going through stall by stall, I check to make sure that no one is in here. Once I'm sure I'm alone, I go into a stall and lock the door behind me.

Deep breathes. Take deep breathes. In and out, I struggle to do so. It feels impossible to breathe but I try anyways. I reach into my bag for the balloons my therapist wants me to try. Putting the balloon to my mouth, I breathe in and out. You're in a safe place. You're in the bathroom at the steakhouse in California. There's no one here to harm you. You are alone Astra. You're safe. I keep repeating the mantra over and over trying not to relive those days. I'm in the steakhouse in California. He doesn't know where I am. He cannot find me. I am safe. After a while I calm down. Thank goodness, I only had a stress response and not a panic attack. I don't know what I would've done if Will had seen me having one or worse my mom. The balloons didn't work. I'll have to tell my therapist that on Wednesday.

Hearing some people come in, I wait until they're all in stalls so they won't see me coming out. I flush the toilet, so they don't think I was doing anything and later recognize me by my shoes. Quickly, I wash my hands and splash some cold water on my face so I can look normal again. After staring for a moment, I know this is as good as it's going to get. While I'm taking a deep breathe, I hear one of the doors unlock and I flee out the bathroom before they can see me. I don't want anyone to recognize me just in case they heard me. After I make it back to the table do I sigh in relief. The show must go on. Looking down, I realize that the food has arrived.

"What took you so long? We thought you got swallowed up in there." My mother says as a joke.

"Sorry to keep y'all waiting. Did I miss anything?"

"Nothing important. Shall we say grace?"

After we say a prayer we start eating. The food is divine. The steak is just right and the demi glace is amazing. I'm going to have to figure out how they made this demi glace so perfect.

"I think my steak is overcooked. It's tough. What do you think, Will?"

Oh no. Here we go again. "Something is wrong with my food so I'm going to get a new order for free and speak to the manager" part of the meal has arrived.

"The steak looks ok to me, mom."

"I wasn't asking you."

"It looks ok to me Cecilia, but you're the one eating it."

Here we go. Waving down the server my mom tells them the problem and asks to speak to the manager.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"Yes my steak is overcooked."

"I'm very sorry about that. Would you like us to get you another one?"

"No, I didn't like the flavor of this one. I'd like to get something else."

"While they look over the menu, the manager keeps looking over at Will as if she's trying to figure out who he is. I reach over pretending to grab the salt so I can whisper in Wills ear.

"The manager is about to recognize you. Say the word and we'll leave."

"It's fine. I know how to deal with it."

"Excuse me, you look familiar. You wouldn't happen to be William Wang would you?"

"That's me."

"Oh my goodness! I'm sorry I'm a huge fan! We actually have a VIP section for people like yourself. Would you like to move there?

"Is there a good view of the lake there?" My mother asks.

"Yes ma'am. It has the best view of the lake."

"Then let's go there."

"Of course, we'll bring everyone a new food. We apologize for the inconvenience."

Judging by the looks people are giving Will, it's probably for the best anyways. At least this way he'll be able to eat in peace. The room extends over the water making it seem as if we're floating on the lake. Three sides have floor to ceiling windows giving a panoramic view of the water and the forest. I hate changing tables in the middle of a meal but this view almost makes it worth it. I sit next to the window and Will. I make sure to face all doors but even that isn't enough. What if he comes out of the water and breaks the glass to get to me? I wish I could have a view of all the doors and windows. My mother looks over the menu deciding what she wants and ends up getting the same exact thing as us. Hopefully she won't send this back too. My mother and Will continue to idly chat. I stare out the window hypnotized by the view and soon begin to daydream. I remember seeing him in the reflection of the mirror. I hate that I got scared when I saw him. I used to fear nothing but snakes. Why didn't I report him the first time? Why didn't I collect any evidence against him? Why does he still have to walk the streets a free man? A danger to both society and me. I wish he would just drop dead. Do people in their 20's get heart attacks? Hearing voices, I snap out of my day dream. I need to pay more attention to my surroundings. I scan the room with my eyes to make sure there are no threats. Seeing a family being led to another part of the room, I let go of the breath I'd been holding. It's just Dillon and Mrs. Callista. Wait, what?