13 Chapter 13: Recovery

I remember the first time I told my parents what I wanted to do with my life.

I was thirteen years old and we had just come from Chrissy's doctor's appointment. She had broken her arm in three different places while playing. A friend of hers that thought it would be a good idea to climb an old tree despite the friend's grandmother warning them not to.Mom and dad were frantic. Nothing like this had ever happened to me, so having Chrissy scream out in pain as we drove to the emergency room was something I would never forget.

Despite my sister being in pain and the agonizing faces my parents were making, I loved everything.

The sweet nurse that was calm and assuring while speaking to not only my parents but Chrissy and I as well. The Doctor that set her cast and gave her a lollipop after she was done for being so brave. Even the room being decorated in children's toys and cartoon characters on the wall. Everything was astonishing and exhilarating. Every tool captured my gaze and fascination as the doctor explained to us all how they worked.

Mom and dad had put Chrissy to sleep a little early since she was being cranky and tired, and I was just about to head upstairs to my room and start on my homework. Dad called me back down and asked why I had a smile on my face while at the hospital. Even joked that a child happy with a doctor's office was rare.

I told them then and there, where I saw myself in the future. The clean smell, the friendly staff, the amazing tools I saw them use on my six-year-old sister, everything changed in the moment of us being rushed to emergency and walking out three hours later.

They didn't believe me. Figured I was just enthralled by something I saw but thought would eventually pass. It didn't. I kept with it, and upon entering high school, got my guidelines on how to make my dream come true.

Now though? As I blink awake at the smell of bleach and disinfectant, I look around the small cramped space of my hospital room and let the tears flow.

He took my dream from me.

"Jolie?" I turn to my side slowly because my right arm feels tight. I look down and notice an IV resting in the crook of my arm. I survey the rest of my body by wiggling a little of each appendage.

Head hurts, arms hurt, face hurts badly, and if I move too fast, a large sized cramp begins in my lower belly. Imagines try and force their way through my mind from last night, but I tamper them down.

"Jolie baby?" I reopen my eyes at the sound of Brian's voice. His physical appearance is off. His hair is unkept and untidy, looking like he ran his hands through it too many times. His brown eyes are much less vibrant and colorful. He stands and makes his way over to me from the small plastic chair he was sitting in then leans over the railing separating me from the two machines surrounding me.

"So glad you're awake baby. How are you feeling?" I don't speak. I can't yet. I know I have my voice but, in my mind, it's in the realm of the nightmare attempting to claw its way through my mind.

"Jolie?" I turn to the other side of the room and see my mother sitting on an uncomfortable looking chair. Its green padding filling with air as my mother stands up and walks over to me.

"The doctor should be in soon, I just paged the nurse. Do you want some water?" I shake my head but cringe and close my eyes when the pain in my head intensifies.

"Jolie, I'm so sorry mija. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Don't you worry baby, I will never let anything happen to you again."

I keep my eyes closed because her words are making the nightmare more and more real. I don't want to relive it but I'm not strong enough to fight it off. Before mom can continue, a knock at the door both stops her and startles me. I cling immediately to Brian's forearm and clutch it with dear life.

He's here. He found me. He was always looking for me. Wasn't he?

Mom walks over and answers it and that's when I notice the two-policeman standing guard at my door. A doctor walks in and I take a deep breath already knowing what is about to come.

"Hello Jolie. My name is Doctor Palmer. I'll be your physician for the rest of your stay here. I believe we are just waiting on your father to go over everything, but I wanted to check in since you had woken up to see how you are with pain."

Her voice is gentle as she asks me what hurts and how much. I continue not to speak but I do nod and shake my head for her questions. When she clears her throat and looks over to my mother, I already know what question is next on her agenda. I'm still clutching onto Brian, not having let him go this entire time. He hasn't spoken either, something tells me he would if my mother would let him get a word in but between her questions for Doctor Palmer and her sniffling, no one has been able to really speak.

"Now, I know that you are almost eighteen but because you fall under as a minor, we have to have your parents in the room when we go over everything. Will you want your boyfriend here as well?" I look over from Doctor Palmer to Brian.

"Whatever you need baby." I close my eyes at his reassurance then quickly open them when I feel the edge of a monster clawing its way up. Darkness. It lives in darkness.

"I-" I attempt to clear my throat from the strain of not speaking for hours. "I would like him to say please." I feel a squeeze in the arm I am clinging to.

"Very well Miss Dorent. We will be in as soon as the investigators come in to speak with you. It's better to do it all at once, then we go from there with the physical. If you feel at all uncomfortable with the attention or the questions, let us know and we will see to it that they leave." Doctor Palmer stands, shakes my mother's hand and walks out. I stay connected to Brian, not wanting him to leave as well.

"I'm going to go see when your father will be finishing up. You alright for me to go mija?" I nod my head with relief that I won't have to witness her tears for at least a few minutes.

Mom leaves and I blow out a breath of air. I know she means well, but I don't know I am ready to explain everything and be treated like I was in some kind of car accident that crippled me.

"Jolie, I need you to look at me baby." I shake my head but stay starring at the white wall in front of me. There is a bright blue painting of waves around a barren beach. Its stunning colors drive me into a state of peace, something I do not want to let go of.

"Baby please." I huff then look up at Brian. I have never seen his eyes look so worried. It's a strange look on him. He's normally care free, laid back and relaxed demeanor is almost opposite.

"I'm so sorry Jo. I'm so sorry I couldn't get to you. That I couldn't save-." He looks away and that's when I notice the tears in his eyes. I sit up a little more still not letting go of his arm.

"Brian. I don't want to talk about it. I know that in a few minutes when everyone walks in that I won't have a choice but for now, can it just be you and me? Just as it always was?" So that when you hear that I am ruined and leave me, I still have this moment to look back on.

"Of course, babe. I'm here. Not going anywhere. Why don't you get some more rest? I'm going to go outside and let my parents know you're awake. I told them I would." I don't want to rest because closing my eyes will mean I will have gone into the darkness where he lives, but I know Brian can't coddle me right now, so I simply nod my head at him and give him a false smile.

Brian leans down to kiss my forehead and it takes everything I have left inside of me not to recoil at his touch. I don't want him to feel like I don't care for him, but I just can't take someone touching me before I allow them to. It sounds stupid, doesn't make any kind of sense at all, but I cannot control my thinking at the moment.

After watching Brian leave I roll over to my side and curl my body into itself. Waking up actually has me exhausted and at first, I fight with all my might not to fall asleep, but with how quiet it is and the soft padded bed I am in, sleep takes me, and then so does he.

- - - - -

"Jolie! Jolie wake up baby."

"Jolie, oh my baby, please wake up."

I can hear the voices around me but am unable to come to them. He has me. He has me in his crutches and has no interest in letting me go to get to them. I fight with all my might to swim past the ocean of black he has me trapped in but get nowhere in return.

"Jolie, please wake up."

"We still got plenty of time."

I startle awake at the sound of Steven's voice and nearly jump out of my hospital bed. Looking around I notice Brian is closest to me. His arm is keeping me from falling and his eyes look that of shock. I lay back in the bed and notice my mother on the side of the room clutching my father's arm the same way I am with Brian. There are tears in her eyes and she looks panicked.

"Brian, what...."

"You were screaming. We couldn't figure out how to wake you. We kept calling your name over and over again. You just kept screaming the word please." Brian's voice cracks at the last part and when I look back over to him he has tears threatening to fall.

Guilt roars its ugly head in my direction. I hate that my family is going through this right along with me. I have to fake it in front of them for as long as I can, so they don't worry. I'm living in hell, but they don't have to be.

"Knock, knock." I look over to the door to see Doctor Palmer walking back in with a nurse and what I am assuming is a police detective. He has cargo pants on with black boots and a large black jacket. I can see his badge on his left pocket noticing the same last name as my doctor.

"I'm glad your awake Jolie. We wanted to go ahead and get started on the questioning." I nod my head even though no part of me wants anything to do with this.

My parents come closer to the bed, mom still in dad's arms while Brian sits my bed up with the remote controller, then sits on the bed, making it easier for me to cling tighter to him.

"Okay, so we told you parents about your injuries already, but we all thought you should know too. You have some bruising to your abdomen and face. We figured it was from you-uh...fighting back." I swallow the large rock in my throat. "We also noticed some scratches on your inner thighs and arms. All of those things will eventually go away with time and rest."

Doctor Palmer finishes my results as I stare at the small red marks on Brian's hands. She explains that all my injuries are superficial. I have some bruising along my hips and legs that will eventually go down and some minor scratches which they already treated. My nose was not broken thankfully but when she gets to the part about my interior body injuries, I hold Brian tighter.

"You have some bruising to your cervix and some tearing along your labia." Doctor Palmer stops and looks over to the detective. He nods once, and she looks back over to me. "It seems he didn't use a condom, but we didn't find any trace of semen. He was stopped before anything could get that far."

This time I close my eyes. I can feel his hands on me again as I hear my mother wailing and my father trying to comfort her. I can feel his smile and tongue along my back as he rips my dress of me as Brian's arm shakes with anger. I can feel his penetration as the detective steps up closer to my bed.

"Miss Dorent?"

"Not until I get what I've always thought about sweets."

I shake my head, trying to get his voice out of my head but no matter what I do I can't shake him. Will I forever live in this black hole?

"Miss Dorent?"

"We still got plenty of time-"

God, why can't he leave? Why is he still torturing me?

"Jolie, wake up baby. Jolie!"

"Help her please."

"Jolie, listen to me. Do not let him win. You have more strength in you than you think. You are stronger than him, that is why he is so afraid, that is why he lives in the darkness. You have others who will fight with you, help them fight Jolie. Walk into the light. Non ferire gli altri con cio che ti addolora."

My eyes snap open at the Italian being spoken to me. I stare into the eyes of Doctor Palmer as she lifts her head from mine. Her vibrant blue eyes study me as if sensing my confusion then stands straight up. The room is quiet, so quiet I think the others can hear my thoughts.

How did she do that?

"How-how did you?" A shy smile graces her face as she then turns back over to the detective giving him the go ahead.

"Now, miss Dorent my name is Jasper Palmer. I am the detective put in charge of your case. I wanted to get a brief summary of what happened if I can. If you feel now is not the time I will understand, but the sooner we do this, the faster you get to go home. Is it alright with you?"

My gaze is still on Doctor Palmer while she looks to the detective with gentle eyes and appreciation. I assume they are married, given the name but they are total opposites. Where her skin is fair and has a gently look about her, Detective Palmer is the complete opposite. Dark tanned skin and tattoos everywhere. I pull my gaze back over to him and nod once more.

Let's get this over with.