10 Chapter 10: A blink of an eye

Dear Diary

Prom.

Today is prom and yet, I am anything but happy.

After everything happened yesterday with Amy, I went to the school office, told the administrator that I did not feel well and wanted to go home.

Both mom and dad were at work but after a phone call to my mother, letting her know what was going on, the administrator let me go home.

Mom asked me several times if I needed her to come home, but I assured her it was just a little cold. I didn't want to lie, I actually hated doing it, but I needed away from everyone, and that included my mother. So, I took the bus home, not bothering to tell Brian I had even left the school grounds.

I wasn't proud of what I said to Amy.

Despite anger and fear rippling through my body at that point, I knew I shouldn't have said what I did, especially knowing Mona's past. I just wanted for once, the upper hand. I just don't like what it cost me.

Brian called about a hundred times before I finally gave in and answered. I didn't want him to worry and knew he would as soon as he heard the million or so rumors about Mrs. Boseman's first period Calculus class.

I had told him I didn't want to talk about it and he surprisingly respected it.

Brian was always a little aware of a small amount of bullying, but I don't think he ever knew the extent, nor Amy's involvement. Which is why when he asked what happened between Amy and I, I simply told him that she deserved it, even though I no longer felt that way.

Amy hated me, that was not breaking news. But to finally give her back a portion of the hell she has always given me-. was not worth it. I turned into her while trying to stop her at the same time.

Mona called me next. Making sure I was alright and that I didn't need help burying the body. I assured her there was no body and that I regretted what I did. Mona being Mona, realized I didn't want to talk about it and changed the subject to the very one I am writing about.

Prom is tonight and every inch of me is scared.

- - - - -

Closing my diary, I stare at the red dark felt cover.

My grandmother had given this to me when I turned sixteen. She told me to fill it with things that I needed to express. She knew me well enough to know I would one day need it to talk about Brian. He was my first entry and hasn't stopped being in each one since.

I run my fingers along the inscription she had engraved in the cover.

'Scrivi i tuoi sogni'.

I smile when I think of the saying she would always tell me growing up, the same one she told my father when he was little.

Write out your dreams.

"Jolie?"

I turn in surprise when I hear Brian calling my name from behind me. He is standing there in his usual blue jeans, white tee, and red and gray flannel. He looks absolutely delicious and I find myself checking him out longer than necessary.

"Eyes up here babe." He smirks when I shake my head of naughty thoughts.

"What are you doing here?"

"It is prom remember?"

"Brian, I don't know if I want to go to that anymore. I hate how I might look to everyone. What I did and said yesterday-." I shake my head remembering Amy's face contort from anger to pain.

"I heard about what you said babe. It sounded like Amy deserved it. And you deserve to go to your prom. Don't punish yourself for being human and having a moment of anger when someone won't stop pushing your buttons." I blink a few times, listening to what he is saying. I don't like that I did what I did yesterday but a part of me wants to pat myself on the back for finally sticking up for myself.

Despite Derek being a lousy friend, I took his advice from before. I stood up for myself. For once, Amy knew what it felt like to be the laughing stock. For once I wasn't the one with tears. She has always bullied me, never let up, even when it clearly went too far. Knowing that she had a slither of a fraction of what I felt every day before Brian, has me feeling less and less guilty and more and more proud.

"I guess you're right. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. But at least now she understands that I won't take that crap anymore."

"Why does she bother you so much anyways?" I blow out a deep breath and tell Brian to sit. He walks over to my bed hesitantly and stares at me with dismay.

"I've known Amy since I was in kindergarten. She was more than a friend to me, we were like sisters. Miranda didn't come into the picture until junior high, so the two of us remained close up until that point. One day I went over to her house to play. She was outside and upset about something but wouldn't tell me what. I kept asking her and asking her, but she wouldn't let up. I went to school the next day and she was there with Miranda and some other girls. I walked over to her and she looked at me like I was gum at the bottom of her shoes. She told me to get lost, told me she would never hang out with a loser like me. I was hurt, I didn't understand why she was being so cruel to me. We were best friends. All that week, she wouldn't let up. She was spiteful, going out of her way to push me, shove me, spill things on me, whatever it was, she sought me out. I cried, begged her to tell me what I did wrong, but she never did. I couldn't understand it, but I figured I did something wrong. Amy only got crueler as we went on through junior high and into high school. Spreading rumors about me, shoving me into the boys locker room, anything to hurt me. Yesterday was the first day I ever fought back."

I look over to Brian with tears in my eyes. I didn't mean to unleash all my demons out, but I needed to get that out. For years I blamed myself for our ruined friendship, thinking it must have been something I did wrong, but no more. Brian was right. I didn't deserve any of that.

"Wow. I had no idea babe. I knew you were shy and a little quiet at school, and now when I first met you and you thought I was up to no good, makes sense, but I hadn't realized that it was Amy that did that to you. I'm sorry."

"That's why I got so upset with you when you told Conner what you thought you saw. I know you were simply telling a friend what you thought you saw, but now he is going to take that and spread it around the school. It would be one more thing people think about me."

"I'm sorry Jo, and I want you to know I spoke to Conner, he won't say anymore, but I have to ask you. Does it really matter what people say about you?" I narrow my eyes on Brian as he continues. Was he not in the room when I told him Amy and Miranda made my life a living hell?

"What I mean is, the people that you want to see you a certain way tonight, are the same people that laughed right along with Amy and Miranda. They're the same people that helped spread those rumors and talked trash about you. Tonight, it about you and your experience. No matter what. If you don't go, you become the very person they sought out to bully."

I stare at the brown irises that I have always gotten lost in, the same ones that are in my dreams at night. The ones I fell in love with instantly. He's right. I'm doing it again, being who they expect me to be, who they think I have to be according to Amy.

Not anymore.

"Pick me up at six pm sharp Mr. Davis." Brian smiles, then leans into me and kisses my lips far too softly and quickly.

"Can't wait to see you Miss Dorent."

With that, he leaves my room, and I jump up and call Mona to get her ass over here and doll me up. Tonight, is going to be great. I'll make sure of it.

- - - - -

"You look so beautiful." I smile at my mother's words as I turn around and assess myself in front of the floor length mirror Mona brought over.

I take in my pale pink dress that flows loosely down my body. My black wedges that make my legs look slender and my curly brown hair. Mona even did my makeup, heavier than I wanted, but I have to admit, I love the way it looks on me.

"Thank you, mom." Her tears flail down her cheeks and she waves them away while patting down my hair.

"Mona did so well mija." Mom whispers in my ear.

I have to agree. Mona came over giddy with excitement as soon as she got my text. She was disappointed I didn't want to go to prom, so when I texted her telling her to come over and doll me up, she wasted no time. Three hours of shower, shaving, makeup and hair, and I was ready to carefully put my dress on. Mona had gone downstairs to put her dress on as well since Brian was picking us both up. She wasn't lying when she told me she didn't want a date. She just wants to enjoy her prom and have a nice time.

"Where is she anyways?" I ask, noticing Mona has been gone for at least thirty minutes now.

"Talking with your father. He wanted to take some pictures of her and she got a little emotional." I turn in surprise to my mother who immediately tries to calm me down from running down the stairs to my best friend.

"Relax mija. She just got a little emotional because a father figure was giving her the attention she deserves on her prom day. Give them a few minutes. I think your dad is telling her some things she needs to hear.

I nod my head but remind myself to check on her later. Mona is a jokester. Always has been, it's part of her personality. So, whenever she speaks about her father she tends to laugh off how he isn't involved with her since she moved back home. I'll have to have a good talk with her about that, let her know I'm here if she needs me.

My phone chimes next to me and I lift it up while mom is till fluffing out my dress. I swear she thinks I'm getting married tonight instead of my high school prom.

Brian: Come downstairs

I smile at his message and show my mom. She smiles back at me, kisses my cheek and heads downstairs so that she can take pictures of me walking down to my prince charming.

Moms.

I grab my small black clutch, place my phone, my house key and some emergency cash inside, then head downstairs.

Brian is the first one to spot me and I nearly fall of the last step as I take him in. I've never seen him in a tux. It's black with a white shirt and light pink bow tie.

"Wow, you look beautiful babe." He walks closer to me until he in mere inches from me and blesses me with one of his smiles.

"You don't look too bad yourself." I whisper returning his smile and immediately forgiving everything that happened yesterday morning. I can't fault him for simply feeling jealousy and anger. If the roles were reversed, I honestly can't say I wouldn't have thought the same thing. I would have even ran to Mona and told her.

"Okay kids. Let's take some pictures, and then you three can go."

Thirty minutes and ten thousand pictures later, we head out to the rented limo Brian's mother got for us. Ever since the restaurant do buckle, Sharon has been more and more compassionate with me. She even called me last week and spoke to me about prom and our upcoming graduation. Although I now know the reason behind Arthur's hesitance towards me, it still leaves a sour taste in my mouth about the way he acted towards me that night.

"Look at all these buttons." I laugh at Mona's fascination with the limo as she rolls the window up and down a few times. I look over to Brian to see if he is laughing as well but he is staring at me with hunger in his eyes. I don't know if we would just be sitting here if Mona were not here. For a brief moment I ponder if it's a good thing my best friend is here or not.

"I'm actually excited!" I smile with glee as I watch through the glass at the sun setting against the buildings as we hit downtown.

"Looks like Brian is too, just not for the same reason." I look back at Brian and his gaze has not left me. I can hear Mona chuckle in the background.

"Brian?" He snaps out of his stare and leans in to kiss me softly on the lips.

"Sorry babe. I just, have never seen you look like this. You look breathtaking." I smile and adjust my corsage he gave me that came from mom's shop. It was more special to me that he went to my mother. Not only do I have a piece of Brian with me, but my family.

"We're here folks." The limo driver, Sal yells out, causing all of us to grab our phones and purses, then head out.

Brian takes my hand as we make our way inside. The theme of the prom is futuristic, and they played it well despite everyone's hesitance to such a strange theme. The strong colors of bright blue and hints of gray dance around the room. There are streams and lights dangling from the ceiling and a giant banner at the front of the large dance floor that says, 'we are the future'.

"Place actually doesn't look that bad. Hard to believe that Amy and Miranda would have actual good taste for this stuff." I stiffen upon hearing their names. I knew they would be here, Amy and Miranda thrive for this sort of thing, but knowing they were the ones that set everything up, has my skin on edge. I try to wash away my fear that some kind of prank will fall from the ceiling.

"Don't worry babe. So many people are here, you probably won't even see them tonight. If you do, just tell me and I'll make sure we step away." I nod my head at Brian and blow out a breath of air.

Majority of the evening is filled with fun and laughs. I've never been dancing before, certainly not with a guy, but I find me and Brian have the same kind of goofiness to our dancing. Mona laughs her ass off at our attempts at the new dances and tries to teach us herself. We snack here and there and drink the obviously spiked punch that just taste like band aids and feet.

"Ready to call it a night?" I nod my head at Brian, not missing his hidden message. Mona had already left with the limo to head to the hotel because she was getting tired. She text me not long ago letting me know she made it and for us to enjoy our amazing sex.

"Yes, my feet are killing me and I'm tired." I look over to the dance floor at the remaining people dancing at 'turn down for what' by lil john. Tonight, has actually been fun and exhilarating. I have never laughed so hard in my life and I was surprised by how many came over to say they liked my dress or thought I looked nice.

"I'm going to go send a text to my mom, letting her know we are heading to the hotel and to see if the limo is back from dropping Mona off. Stay right here okay?" I nod my head, content on just sitting here and people watching.

Brian heads out to the front side of the building to make the call and I check my cell once more for any missed calls or messages. Mom sent me one a few moments ago telling me to be safe, so I respond back to her telling her tonight was fun and that we were calling it a night. I notice the time is ten thirty and laugh when I see some people are just getting started.

I look over to the front of the building and no longer see Brian. I adjust my seat and lean back to see if I can see him, but nothing. I stand and begin making my way over to where I last saw him. He most likely got caught up speaking to one of the teachers here supervising. They all stopped him tonight to congratulate him on his Boise State acceptance.

Before I make it to the door, I see in the corner of my eye, someone sitting down on the top of the stairs that lead to the small corridor between this building and the next. Her dress is long and flowy and different shades of red. Her long blonde hair is in curls and it only takes me a moment to notice she is crying. I look but see no one around, so I walk over to see if there is everything is okay.

I should have never left my spot.