1 An unfortunate beginning

What is the meaning of life? It's a question I imagine a lot of people asking themselves. It's quite sad really. And most people that have gone down this philosophical road, and asked themselves this very question usually end in a dark place in my experience. And in the same manner I have seen other people destroy themselves over this question I had destroyed myself. I had lived a whole 20 years.Quite proud of that actually. I had to fight for it to make it to that age. I didn't have a difficult childhood or anything, it was quite good in fact. But for no apparent reason I just started feeling sad and empty, a husk of the happy child I once was. It happend arround the time I realized how my life was going to look in the future. Finnish school, get a degree, start a job in some place whatever it may be, pay the bills with said jobs and that's all there is to it. When you realize this one question naturally comes to mind "what's the meaning of life". There are many answers to this question, but none of them are right.Everyone has their own answer to this question and my answer to this question is "there is no meaning".

So I decided I wanted to end things on my terms. Sure my parents and brothers would be sad but I left them a note explaining everything. They would surely understand my reasoning they would be sad but I feel like they wouldn't understand. So I just went to the bathroom with a knife when no one was home got in the bathtub to not make a mess of our nice home when my blood will escape me inevitable. The next step was to send a text in the family group chat that I loved everyone and that I was happy for them to be my family. And then I just cut one of my wrists vertically. It stung a lot less than one would expect.Perhaps the sense of relief was far greater than the pain. It did make quite a mess so I was glad I went to the bathtub and did not do it just anywhere. And the more blood I saw in the bath tub the more dizie I became and the more tired I was feeling.And then it was just nothing the sweetness of not existing. What I did not expect was to all of a sudden be in the body of a child.

(authors note, quite the dark beginning didnt mean for it to happen in just did. If anyone has tips please leave a comment or just write somthing in the comments it about what you think of the story at the moment with this very very short chapter.)