Fied

It was very cold, although I like it but my body was saying too much. So had to close the window. Some guys were smoking with tea. "This is what I call satisfaction." That saying made me smile. My heart felt little warm. Closing window was not good idea. There was time when I gather with my friends & everyone likes the same way of smoking with tea. Even though I never smoked or drank i always hang with them n pretend like I had all. It still feels fresh although I haven't talked with them over 15 years. I wonder if they still remember that, even me?

I'm sure they do.

Sometimes it just feels like I haven't try my best for things.

That morning when our school was announcing the reasult, l saw everyone were praying like I'll do this & that if I get good marks. There are people who does that for everything. They pray, pray & pray. Some gets what they want & some has to pray again. For time being I thought what a silly things to do. Eventually it happens if u pray or not. The things that u deserve, u will get. Why even waste ur time on it. After sometimes I realized, it's not silly. It's believe, maybe it can be their satisfaction?

Depends on person.

I still have low income then my friends. We started together. Been 8 years & I dont have any promotion. Everyone talks about I'm being talented. They talk about I should get promoted long ago, but I'm being silent was main factor. They said I need to try hard. Everytime people talk about this topic, I always have same thought on my mind that "why should I".

14 years ago I tried my best , not to lose my love but she said she was not happy with me anymore. I tried my best to solve one problem of my most loved person but I couldnt solve. I had to witness the death on my arms. I tried my best to chose the field which I wanted but still I had to give up on it. There are so many things I tried. But still it's not enough trying?

It's fine, I know me. I'm fine with what I have now. I just let the time go on it's flow. At least I don't have to ask money from others now. Things what I deserve, I will get it. I don't wanna pull someone down to go up. Things will happen either it's good or bad. just be prepared. I'm sure that's the satisfaction I'm looking for.

I still have that nightmare sometimes. I was at 2nd grade. That day it was rainning very heavy. Everytime it rains, road were bad. There were big holes & it filled with water. I was at supermarket to have some icecream. That small baby wanted that. But I gave her chocolate. She smiles & took. Her fingers were very warm. It felt really something that made me very happy.

I was on my way home. There was sound of bike coming from my back. Suddenly, there was big sound & baby started to cry. When I turn back, bike was over the man & the baby whom I met on supermarket was drawning on hole full of water. Man was saying something but I was very scared & I just ran away from there.

Next day while passing by that road I heard some child died by drawning. That was the time I stopped walking from that way. Since then I had nightmare of baby crying.

If I only didn't run away, maybe she doesn't have to die. Maybe???

Ahh let's not think about all these. Even though it feels like just yesterday. Having that ability of remembering small thing from childhood is sometimes makes things stressfull. So many friends doesn't remember their 3rd grade, I still remember my grandfather who died when I was 3. That white hair, drinking while smoking it still feels not long ago. Uncle who tought me how to use spoon at 2 was great feeling. Although I couldn't say goodbye to him.

To much of old stuffs on my head.

Need one more year then I can pay all my loan which I took to renovate my old house. I actually wanted to surprise her with new house which never gona happen but that thought wasn't good. The smille & that happy face while rebuilding my home was the best satisfaction which any son wants from his mother. So I always tell my friends that if I had surprised her after building the house, I would have never got the chance to see those happy eyes.

2 more years then I really wanna stay with her for long time. In all of my days I nearly remember staying with her for long. Since I was kid I never get such a chance.

Yes I have to get married also. Been more than a year she's suggesting. But still Im single so very long way to go. It's very difficult to believe in some one. I have to think very carefully before starting any relationship. Yeah, shouldn't think about one faliure but still it was very bad expirence. Even after 14 years why I can't move on?

I have to figure it out somehow. If my sister knew this she will kill me.

Aww, I forgot to buy that white belt. Again I have to go there.

I hope I will be there before her delivery. Doctor said 29th & I will be there at 27th so let's see. Should I pray?, well not a good idea. What should I ca.....

Huh, what is that, so much smoke. Maybe fire...

Oh that car, is it gona blast?

Why that man trying to go near,...oh it's his car I guess. Man don't hurt urself. At least save urself. What he's shouting for....I can't understand his language.

Everyone running away.

Huh, is there someone inside? I can see hand, it's small.....maybe kid.

Oh other side it's not burning yet maybe I can open the door. Oh, I can't see too much smoke.

It's so hot how should I open door, oh there is stone, maybe break glass....

Ok it's strong, & it's very hot. I hope kid is fine.

.

.

Finally,

Hey, come hold me tight, aww it's so hot.

Huh people are shouting & I don't know what they are saying. They should have help

Come come don't cry it will be fine. Seems like her hand got burned...ok not much it will be fine

I need to run fast....did something hit my head?

I cannot see anything. Oh I can see her face but she is crying. At least she is fine.

But I think she is crying but I cannot hear anything. My back feels like burning, so hot.

Even though she is crying, I can't hear any thing, slowly it's getting dark, still my heart feels good.

It feels like I don't have to have that nightmare again. Once I go home i will tell them...

Feels so satis........