29 False or Real Affection? Pt.1

"Jiayou Mei Lin! Three stores down, eight more to go."

Just as she spoke those words she felt her phone vibrate in her purse. Placing her bags down at her feet she reached into the purse and pulled it out. She felt ominous about the call since it came at exactly the moment she felt better about things. It seemed that her life had a funny way of reminding her that it was just as shitty as she remembered.

She knew she had to go home at one point and dreaded the idea of having to walk back into that hell hole. It was like walking on glass where you can't eat or sleep without feeling a dagger over her head. The same figurative dagger was hanging over her head right now as she saw that the call was from her mother.

There were complex feelings in her heart about it, in her last life despite being controlled by her mom the relationship was not entirely bad. Her mom came from an affluent family in the North and was raised to be the perfect lady. That attitude or persona of hers didn't change much when she got married. Even after all these years there were rarely any moments she saw her mom act outside the mannerisms of a 'lady.'

In retrospect, that personality of hers was so polished that her true personality was a mystery. She was a kind mother albeit strict but that was how 'mother's' were supposed to be. So no matter how much she felt that they were close, that could have easily been a well created facade. The more love she held for her family the more doubts and fears she had about the complete truth.

When her brother murdered her she could only pinpoint her anger and vengeance on her. The image of him standing over and his foot crushing the bones in her hand would be forever engrained into her mind. The reasoning behind her death was obscure but she knew that he took great delight in seeing her end. As if he had waited just for that day and cared for her carefully just for that moment.

It could have been his form of justification, "I treat her nicely and she dies for me, a fair exchange." She could vaguely remember all the words he said when she was dying but what stood out the most was his confidence. The confidence he had that no one would question or care about her life was worth looking into.

Who gave him that confidence - her parents?? Or was he just psychotic?? Right now she had one confirmed threat and two other potential ones in the form of the people who raised her. While she wouldn't do anything to them just yet, there was no way to pretend like things were normal.

Taking a deep breath, she picked up the phone and kept her voice as calm as possible. "Hi Mom."

"Hi Mei Mei, what took you so long to pick up the phone?"

'Thinking about how not to pick up this phone call but here we are.' Keeping the sarcastic comment to herself she responded normally. "I was walking so I didn't feel the vibration until the end. Is something the matter?"

"What, I can't call my daughter if nothing is wrong?? Your brother has been spoiling you too much, I told him to not give you the credit card. Look how you are ignoring your mother now." Her words were full of complaint and in her old life she thought they disguised warmth behind them. Now....she was not so sure. The tone of voice was neutral and held a softer undertone so no one would immediately think she meant those words.

Yet, if she were to take everything at face value and believe it casually, she would be a complete fool. When her brother handed over the credit card, they were all smiles and didn't comment on it at all. Him giving her a credit card although for an ulterior reason, was a common occurrence.

When did she bring it up with him that she did not want him to give the credit card? Was it a strong complaint she had or was it off hand? Though the spoiled was used lightly, what if this was her true perception on her? To lose a spoiled daughter would not hurt and it made her question what their true opinion on her was.

It was exhausting to have to doubt every word and spiral into overthinking just by a casual sentence. She naturally was an over thinker and her six month deadline did not help the behaviour. It could be bad at times since it triggered painful headaches and unnecessary emotions she didn't need all the time.

"Yes yes I'm a bad daughter. Mom, if you want him to spoil you as well I don't mind putting in a word haha." 'I'm going to puke...' was her internal thoughts as she pretended to act like she loved that murderer.

Though it was funny to see that even though she hated every word, her voice did not betray any of her actual emotions. Just based on her day today she felt like she was a solid actress despite not having any previous training. Personally, she still felt scared and worried that people would see through her easily but it had gone well so far. 'I guess people do flourish under pressure, wish martial arts came out of the random skills too.'

She couldn't be too greedy, having another chance at life was a blessing enough. Obviously the selfish and dreamer part of her wished that there were some hidden skills or advantages that came with it. There already was one miracle, what's wrong with another?

Though logically she knew that a hidden skill was more fantasy and unbelievable than the rebirth. This wasn't a fantasy novel or some isekai manhwa she read online. It was unfortunately her life and there was not going to be another chance if she failed now.