5 It's A Lot More Complicated than Trust

Sean

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.

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It's been ten minutes since Julianna and I made our way back inside my car.

Nothing but complete silence.

Fuck me.

I should've known she'd be listening.

No wonder why she chose not to argue with me. Hell, she loves arguing with Kordell and I.

I wouldn't blame her, I've never spoken to anyone about that night. Not to the police. Not to Nonna. No one.

Despite her love for our sibling arguments, as I said, the three of us have respect for one another. So as of now, I know she won't push it. But hell, I know she wants to.

What a child.

She actually chose to sit in the back seat.

Since we were kids, Julianna had her own special way of dealing with Kordell and I. Every time she had a problem with me, she'd turn to Kordell and vice versa, never speaking a word to the one she was frustrated with. At least, not until she finally decides to forgive and forget.

"You weren't in the position I was in that night, Jules. You don't know what I— you don't know what happened," I try to explain, breaking the silence.

I deserve the sleepless nights, drowning in my endless thoughts.

I deserve this guilty feeling of what if.

"Then why can't you just tell me? Do you not trust me? Whatever the hell it is, it shouldn't be that bad," She fires back in just above a whisper. Her sadness and disappointment were clear.

Damn it, Jules.

If only you knew.

"It's a lot more complicated than trust," was all I could tell her.

That was it.

She made no comment and continued to stare out the window like a lost puppy. She wasn't happy with me, but what can I do?

The drive back home was short but unpleasant.

Right after I parked, I stopped the engine and watched as Julianna unbuckled her seatbelt. Without saying a word, she made her way out of my car, closing the door behind her, and headed straight for the main entrance.

Sighing out of frustration and annoyance, I get out of my car and slip through the side door where the game room was.

She'll get over it.

She always does.

We never get all touchy-feely, or some gross shit like that. We, siblings, are more of the forgive and forget type of people.

It'll all blow over by tomorrow.

"Ay, Sean!" Seth yells in amusement.

I look up to see that everyone was still here. Besides Kordell and Seth, the rest of them were fast asleep.

"Guess who's school we apparently just enrolled in?" Kordell acknowledges all happily.

"Yeah, just guess!" Seth adds, and I smile in response.

I guess we'll be attending school together.

Nothing like the first day of school with these guys.

"Keep it down, will you?" Kordell whisper-shouts, clearly annoyed with Seth's sudden change in volume, only earning a smirk from him in return.

Seth continues to type away on his phone.

"Nonna holding up okay?"

"Physically, she's eating so that's something," I answer, leaning my back onto the door frame I just entered from. I look up to the ceiling with both hands in my pockets, remembering the sadness in her eyes. "Mentally, I don't know."

Well actually, it was damn clear.

"Come on you guys, how 'bout a round of Fortnite?" Seth questions, in hopes, to lighten the mood.

I appreciated that.

Without waiting for an answer, he tosses both Kordell and I a ps4 controller.

I guess I'll be losing some sleep.

I lazily make my way over to the couch where everyone was out cold and seeing that there was no other larger space, I tried to work with the one in between Jason and River. "Move your fat asses over," I say, with the thought that they'd actually wake up and move.

Fuck me.

Guess I'll just make myself comfortable on the floor.

Turning to face the TV, I realize Kordell and Seth had their eyes on me.

"What the fuck are you two looking at? Start the game already, Seth."

"You bet," Seth laughs.

• • • • • •

"Kordell! Sean! You guys, wake up! School starts in thirty minutes and I need a ride! I've been trying to wake you since six in the morning!" Julianna yells in frustration.

Shit.

As much as I'd rather be sleeping right now, I couldn't. Mom wouldn't have wanted me to slack off and the least I could do was ensure that from wherever the hell she was, she knew I was doing good.

It's the least I could do.

"Yo, get your asses up. Kordell, get ready. Take Carter and River, I'll take Seth and Jason."

Losers didn't even come here by car. Guess they knew they'd be spending the night and my gas money.

Funny.

I never got the memo.

"You're taking Julianna," Kordell sleepily mentions while shaking the guys awake.

Remembering the events from last night, I knew I couldn't deal with her. We can start the forgiving and forgetting shit later after the idea of her presence, no longer pisses me off. And even though she usually catches a ride with me, I'd have to let Kordell handle this one.

"Fuck no, you are. I can't deal with her right now."

You know who I should be dealing with right now?

Dad.

Before Kordell even has the chance to question me, I walk towards his bedroom and mentally prepare myself for whatever it is, I'd walk in on.

To my surprise, he was asleep.

He was actually asleep.

Not sitting on the edge of his bed, mourning over mom.

He was asleep.

And when I thought it couldn't have gotten any better, I looked to the top of his drawer only to see an empty plate of food.

I'm proud of you, dad.

After writing him a little note, reminding him to eat breakfast, I headed straight for my bedroom.

I open the door and take in the scene before me.

There were untouched boxes stacked on top of one another, scattered all over the room.

It's been a few days and I never had the chance to unpack. I should probably get around to doing that. After all, it should only take me a few seconds to throw everything in my, already furnished room.

For now, I open the first box I touched and threw on a plain white t-shirt paired with a denim jacket and black jeans.

Good to go.

I made my way down to the kitchen where all the ruckus was coming from, only to see the guys stuffing their faces in everything they could find. Aside from that, they looked cleaned up and ready to go.

"Julianna we're ready!" Kordell yells.

"Wait what?!" Julianna yells, answering from upstairs. "I need ten more minutes!"

Bull.

Ten minutes meant another fucking hour.

Woke up at six in the morning, my ass.

"Julianna get your ass down here, we gotta go!" I demanded. "Sauce me the cereal," I gesture towards River who was eating out of my frosted flakes box. "And the milk." Doing as I say, he slides the carton towards me and I stop it, unscrewing the lid and taking a sip.

Breakfast is served.

"Alright let's go," Julianna says with a curling iron in her hand.

"Seriously?" Kordell sighs. "And what the hell are you wearing?" he asks, disappointed.

I turn to face Julianna and take in her choices of clothing. She wore a black tank top that did not cover what it needed to, grey sweat pants and white tennis shoes.

"It took you two fucking hours to do that?" I comment.

She laughed and then proceeded to correct me. "This took me less than ten seconds to throw on."

"Then what the hell took you so long? Kordell asks, all annoyed.

"I had a big breakfast. Plus, I watched Netflix for more than an hour while you guys were asleep. I'll just finish curling my hair in your car," She explains.

"Oh no you won't," Kordell snaps.

Completely ignoring him, Julianna grabs his keys from his hands and walks towards the garage door.

"How the hell did you guys get ready so quickly?" I hear her mumble under her breath before Kordell hurries after her.

After cleaning up after ourselves and rushing to place the food items back where they belonged, we finally started to head out.

• • • • • •

Thanks for reading!