3 Bootlicking Strategy Olympian Style
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In a meadow where flowers bloom all year, in a place beyond time. Where a master was lecturing his young pupil:
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Say, Artoria. What do you think about fame? Yes, fame.
...Yes, being famous would lead to potential supporters as well as conflict. Well done.
Being one of the supporting factors of kingship, fame is a difficult miracle to control. It flows with the time as it flows with the emotions, aspirations, and hopes of the people, sucking more and more into its vortex as it grows.
Ah, good question. I used the word 'miracle' on purpose. You see, fame is much more than just a direction in social communities. Fame, when abundant and in great amounts, can take on an influential power only the collective unconscious is able to wield.
In other words, fame is oftentimes the equivalent of faith and belief. It could be said that from fame, belief sprouts, and from belief, faith stems. And from faith, the power of the divine spreads.
Yes, faith was one of the decisive factors in a divine entity's strength, no matter the culture or the age. Faith is power.
What? Hah...you want to hear more stories about your ancestor? Well, this lecture is about something your idol did.
You see, he was one of the very few who utilized the balance, the connection between faith and the divine.
After all, he was the one who made the Queen change.
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At dawn, a small hooded boy at the age of seven could be seen in the royal palace garden dimly lit by flickering torches whose flames danced in the dark.
Around his wavering shadows cast by the numerous torchlights, there were thirteen statues positioned in a way so that they surrounded the boy in a large circle, with a single statue in the center where the boy knelt at its feet.
The statues were all made of hardened clay, supposedly made by hand from the multiple rough edges and bumps it supports around its entire structure, with each a slab of rock with something etched onto it, planted into the ground near their feet.
While it was definitely not a masterpiece of some renowned sculptor, each statue was unique and had some kind of emotion...or one might say, a sort of 'idea' encompassed in it.
The statues the boy made were nonother, the twelve Olympians, and the two who had no throne.
Zeus, Poseidon, Hera, Hephaistos, Ares, Athena, Hermes, Apollo, Artemis, Aphrodite,Demeter, Dionysus, Hades, and Hestia.
Kowtowing once, twice, and three times, the boy lowered his head so low that it practically dug into the ground before the statue's feet. The boy stayed in that position for a few minutes, then stood up and produced a silver stick with peacock feathers attached on its end from his robes.
Slowly, with a serene and solemn air only a few could replicate, the boy started to dance.
What was the most ancient form of prayer and devotion to the divine? Was it kneeling? Was it carving sculptures? Was it chanting some esoteric charms?
No. The answer is dancing.
Even before the age where Prometheus brought the First Flame upon mankind, the feeble and foolish humans prayed to the great forces above in the sky which threw lighting and spread fires. They danced and cried to the heavens, begging for the mercy of rainfall.
What the boy was doing was exactly that. He was using the most ancient form of prayer he knew from the shards of knowledge he carried from the unknown.
Unknowingly, what he did was far more beneficial than the orthodox and conventional prayers of the priests and oracles. His was the form of dance-praying called 'Kagura' in modern Japan.
The routes are as ancient as they could be, as it was a form of dance used to lure out the Sun Goddess Amaterasu from her cave when she went into hiding and shrouded the lands in a neverending night.
This was the dance devoted to the Goddess to ease her pains, a dance created for the sole purpose of entertaining and luring out the divine.
In a way, his dancing contained far more mystical weight and importance than mere sacrifices. The Kagura was at one point, a form of ritual for the evocation of divine spirits!
There was no way it didn't hold more glamour in the gods' eyes than plain prayer and offerings, since it was a method to charm and appeal to the divine to its very roots.
It was...simply, exotic to the extreme. Especially for a sun god who was also a god of art.
Coincidentally, a Greek sun god with similar tastes and origins to Amaterasu. It was little wonder the Kagura had so much effect.
With one last spin and slash of his stick, the boy concluded his dance, and let out a long, deep breath.
He looked up, just to see the rising sun pierce his eyes, its golden light warming his slightly chilled body. The boy smiled and said a quiet thank-you, to two certain sun gods- Helios and Apollo.
The sunray took two slightly different tones, one red, one yellow as if the sunlight was differentiating itself. He knew their quirks by now. The red hue was Helios, and the golden glow was Apollo. He just knew. The boy smiled.
He had long since gotten used to the sun gods' antics in the past two years, from the day he first started praying.
He let out a small grunt as he pulled his bronze sword and short-spear (a present gifted to him on his seventh birthday, while Alcides got an iron club) from the nearby ground, his smile widening when he realized the weapons in his hands felt scorching hot yet at the same time very comfortable; like a piece of heated metal gloves that a warrior had worn to countless battles.
Ares and Hephaistos. Unknowing to the other Greeks in his land, the war god and the smithing god were on surprisingly good terms, at least from what he felt from the times they subtly interacted with his surroundings, such as right now.
...Well, as long as you call the friendly rivalry vying for a small boy's attention 'good terms', but he digresses. Rivalry was also a form of friendship, after all.
Maybe because they both dislike their parents, or maybe Hephaistos doesn't care much for his wife and is super chill? He really didn't want to think NTR was a hot thing in Greek god society...well, it is a society where gods fuck bulls and ducks and goats-
Nope, he was too young to go down that rabbit hole of debauchery. Like, a millennium too young.
The boy yawned. He woke before the crack of dawn, so he was still very sleepy. Suddenly he felt a surge of potent energy shoot through his veins as if his brain suddenly decided to go high on glucose and adrenaline. Maybe Athena? Demeter? Most likely both.
He uncorked his sheepskin bottle and let the wine trickle down his dehydrated throat.
Of course, the drinking age policy was not a thing in the age of gods. After all, getting cursed for something really insignificant is a Tuesday in these god-infested lands, and even suggesting something such as 'protecting minors against the lethal effects of acute alcohol poisoning' might result in getting turned into dolphins. Dolphins!
Not fun at all. Heh. Hehe...Maybe a little? Wait, was he actually on the Dionysus route? ...Hahahahahaha!
'...Urgh, I wouldn't be surprised if wine enhances madness or something. Both rhetorically and mystically speaking.', he thought, after forcefully clamping down on his sudden outburst of mirth.
The boy shook his head with a small chuckle.
Recently, he somehow started to have bursts of endorphin whenever he drank wine. He highly suspected it was the 'gift' of one certain god of insanity (aka orgy parties).
Well, at least he no longer felt fatigued, no matter how hard his schedule was- which usually consists of learning from groups of tutors and running away from them.
...His daily 'escape-from-princely-duties' routine was most definitely still active.
He squinted his eyes. The sun was already creeping upwards from the horizon, which resulted in his hawk vision giving him a blaring headache. He quickly willed it 'off'.
It was another small 'gift' he received-probably from a certain moon goddess and sun god twin duo, though the boy has yet to find any use of it except as a built-in telescope with night vision.
...Well, to be completely honest...it was actually pretty useful in hide-and-seek and sight-seeing. He had a strange feeling that was exactly the moon goddess's intention. Bear watching and all that. He just knew.
The boy's ears twitched. He 'felt' the crackle of burning wood and the warmth it produced. The hearth.
His stomach growled. It was early breakfast time.
In other words, time to show his other gifts in action.
He had a hungry sister waiting for him.
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Hello there, Iphicles here, back from his early-morning routine of 'kowtowing-the-fuck-out-of-those-attention-whoring-gods'.
As always, I thanked them for a bunch of things, ranging from my country's welfare to the health of my pet weasel, Galanthis.
Oh yes, I have a pet now! To those educated Greek myth nerds out there, congrats. Yes, this is the turned form of nonother than the servant of my mom Alcmene.
At least, that was my most feasible hypothesis. I mean, I never met a weasel with an IQ that rivals a human.
In the original myth, when Alcmene was in labor, she was having difficulty giving birth to twins, one of them a pure demigod.
After seven days she called for assistance from Eileithyia, the goddess of childbirth. However, due to Hera's plans of interfering so that the labor can kill the baby in the womb, she wasn't so keen to help.
So, Galanthis tricked the goddess by lying that the baby has already been born and shocking her, and making her loosen her grip on the labor. Of course, there was no happy ending for her or anyone in general who tricks the petty gods.
As a punishment, Galanthis was turned into a weasel.
Yeah. A weasel. A god-damn weasel.
Apparently, for the higher-ups, turning people into dolphins or weasels were pretty funny.
Good old Galanthis continued to look out for Alcides even after her transformation, and that was when I found her creeping out of our crib. I pretended to talk to her, convince her to stay in my childly way.
The plan? Leave or I'll cry out my balls like a fucking bitch. Yeah, kneel before the power of PUSSY!
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...Wait. No. That came out very wrong.
Horny BONK. And make it double BONK.
Anyways.
The result? Galanthis stayed longer. It didn't take much to convince her once Alcides woke up and grabbed her by the tail.
It did take several years of begging, bribing, and coaxing to make her stay as my pet, though. She was kind of paranoid about accidentally meeting Hera. I couldn't agree more.
Ah, we're straying off-topic. Food first. Breakfast it is!
...The statues? Oh, I had finished those crude statues on my fifth birthday as a surprise for my (high-blood pressured) father, and from that moment, everything escalated rather quickly.
My father, king Amphitryon was overjoyed.
No, he was elated. More so, than a heavy junkie on drugs. He was positively high. So high he would've hit cloud nine.
His reasons? Not exactly because he was pious or anything (we have priests and oracles for a reason, go figure), but because of the benefits that the statues brought.
I myself seriously didn't know why the gods were so pleased. Maybe I am the first kid who did something like that? Or was it my happy dance moves?
...Ah, who am I kidding? Of course, I knew exactly what I was doing. All according to keikaku. Yes.
You see, I'm the grandson of Perseus the Gorgon slayer, one of the most beloved demigods of all time. Alcides too. So, naturally, we were in the spotlight.
In other words, inside the radar zone of the gossip-loving gods. We were right in the middle.
What followed was quite simple. I acted uniquely.
Entertain them, please them, lick their golden asses- everything. Then, they might start feeling generous enough. Generous enough to throw you some small 'gifts' in the form of divine blessings, like how a rich fat guy throws bones to his skinny dog. Yum-yum.
I'm not even being sarcastic.
They can give me divine shit for all I care, and I'll still take it and use it as face cream. I'll need everything to survive in this bizarre world.
What? Go spout the injustice of the gods like a boss?
Real life isn't a trashy god-killer edgelord light novel, you know? I would get my ass, my sister's ass, and the ass of Mycenae whipped.
Thoroughly. Harshly. Mercilessly.
In Greek terms? That meant eternal punishment.
By the way, ever seen that extremely famous meme of a gentleman sprinkling salt while posing in a very stylish way? Well, beat that.
I sprinkle magic salt from my three fingers like a fucking pro. Basically, I am a chef's wet dream on legs.
That's what I was doing with Poseidon's gift. Sprinkling the oh-so-divine-salt into my family's breakfast. And, you know what?
It sparkles.
...Who the fuck needs sparkling salt?
I do, apparently. Hey, it's taking it or leaving it. I'm not leaving anything.
Besides, salt was very expensive in ancient times, like right now. Romans used salt as salary, you know? It's the origin of salary.
"O' Embers of Olympus!!!"
Opening my palm upwards, I softly blew on it. Blinking embers flew from my hand like tiny grains of sand, and lit up the damp logs in the fireplace.
I willed the fire to glow warmly by basking the entire dining hall in orange light. My royal parents love the spectacle.
Yes, that's Hestia's gift. Perhaps the second most useful one so far. Cool, aye?
...What do you mean it's lame!? It's my very own survival lighter for heaven's sake! Do you have any idea how hard it is to light a fire in the wild without any tools!?
I mean, I can light my own campfires with a finger snap! Goodbye hypothermia! Welcome, gift of Prometheus!
Ahem. Now, where was I...ah, yes, the plates.
Get the silver tableware ready...and we're ready to go!
Normally, this kind of work would be done by servants, but since my gifts, they kind of turned into mine. I'm not complaining, it's good practice.
I stuck my finger into the stew and licked it like a chad. Yum. Creamy. Just how I like it.
Bad manners? Hey, did I ever mention I can now sense poison and nullify it via physical touch?
Uncle Hades definitely knows what a prince needs most.
...Why the hell does everything I say sound like some sexual innuendo??
"Fou Kyuu..."
Galanthis let out her weasel sigh while perched on my shoulder and gently pawed my cheek.
Wait, how did she get up there? I didn't even see her come in.
As a matter of fact, I don't even know where she is nowadays. She just...comes and goes.
Hmm...come to think of it, why does Galanthis look like as if a fox and rabbit had an affair and then their lovechild mutated into a weasel???
I mean, I'm no expert on weasels, but I'm pretty sure they aren't so...angelic. They certainly don't have this marvelously soft fur as white as snow.
Hmm....anyway, time for stew!
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Hera scowled. She couldn't figure out the enigma that is Iphicles. From what she'd seen, he was an idiot, but he was not foolish. No, he was far wiser, far more likable than any other demigod she'd seen till now.
As a matter of fact, he prays more to her than her own priests, and that's putting it mildly. He praises her, sacrifices his best food to her with a zeal like no other, and made a dance devoted to her. He even got peacock feathers for his ceremonial tool, the symbol of her royalty!
How did she know that his dance was for her?
His god-forsaken prayers echo inside her head...Every! Damn! Time!
Frankly, it's weirding her out. Feared, hated, she could understand.
However, loved, she could not comprehend. Loved, even after she nearly killed him at his birth, just because he cared for his half-twin sister?
And...was that...Genuine respect? What kind of mockery is this!?
Hera rose from her throne.
It was time for her to test that boy, face-to-face.
