6 Regret & To be King

Returning back to the room, Ryker noticed Irisviel had awoken and was drinking tea by the window. It wasn't long before she noticed his presence as he walked over. "How did it go?" She asked with a slightly concern, slightly expectant look in her eyes.

"It went well, Kiritsugu agree to the divorce and I will be assisting him in his dream. I just hope he's able to realize that as long as there are people by his side who are willing to share his burden, he doesn't need to go at things alone. People aren't tools to be used and discarded, and although he knows it deep inside, unless I break his idealism he may continue down his path of self-sacrifice hurting those around him. Yet he doesn't need to be that way, there is no need to sacrifice himself and his loved ones. The only reason he does so is because he is weak, and isn't strong enough to save everyone, which is nearly impossible anyways. As long as I act as his strength, I hope he can break out of his mentality that he doesn't deserve happiness, otherwise the 'hero of justice' will only continue to hurt people." Ryker said with a sigh, as he reached Irisviel and went behind her, wrapping his arms around her back, as she leaned her head against his chest, before speaking.

"Mmm…he was always like that. I used to think it was beautiful how he was willing to punish himself, even going as far as to turn his life into a nightmare, just for the sake of other people. Yet when Illya was born, I felt like…If its this child…this child within my arms…I would do anything it took to protect her. Even if I should be destined to turn into a devil, viewed as something evil, I wouldn't let anyone harm her. Yet I noticed that, although Kiritsugu had the same desire to protect her as I did. He seemed to still be willing to sacrifice Illya if it meant he could protect just a few more people. I still was blinding by love and although I noticed, I decided in my heart that he surly wasn't that type of person. Surly he wouldn't hurt his own daughter. Even though I knew he was a kind person deep down, and its that kindness I loved. I couldn't help but begin to question his ideals from then on. I figured that as long as he won the grail war and ended conflict there would be no more reason for sacrifice, Illya wouldn't need to become a sacrifice, neither to the grail, or Kiritsugu. Then maybe, just maybe, he would be able to let go of his ideals and learn what it meant to be willing to give up anything to protect the ones you love. Sure that's the very thing that breads the conflict he so desperately desired to stop, but nothing in this world can be perfect." With he eyes still closed, she reached up and held Ryker's hands which were still hugging her from behind.

He looked down lovingly at her before speaking once more, "If you want, you should visit him in the future and talk things out. I wanted to be the one to break things to him because I was worried about what he might do if you were alone. Although like you said I know he at heart is kind, yet you never know what he would do for peace."

"Mmm" After which the two sank into silence as they just enjoyed their time with one another.

~Later that day~

Ryker sat on the roof, listening to the conversation being held below him, with his enhanced senses. After spending some time together earlier, Irisviel decided to speak to Kiritsugu about things sooner rather then later and left for his room. Although Ryker wasn't to worried as she was a grown women who could take care of herself, he would be lying if he said he wasn't worried at all. Even a small amount of worry wasn't something he was willing to overlook, so he decided to be nearby if he needed to step in, should the conversation go poorly.

Yet things went surprisingly smooth as maybe what he said was still fresh in Kiritsugu's mind. They talking things over peacefully as Ryker laid in a bed of snow on the rooftop with his eyes closed.

Noticing a presence landing on the roof, Ryker didn't even open his eyes as he spoke softly. "Hey Saber, come join me, its good to relax from time to time."

"You call that relaxing? We both know you may seem relaxed on the outside, yet on the inside your like a lion waiting to pounce should his cub be in danger." She laughed as she laid in the snow to his right. Gazing at the world of white around her for a while, before speaking again. "Congratulations are in order I suppose. I'm happy for both you and Irisviel."

"Thanks, honestly just six months in this world, has already made me happier then I was during my whole life…hey Saber, answer me honestly, would you? What was it like being a King?" Taken aback by his question, Saber began to think about how to answer. She knew he wasn't asking 'how' it felt to be a king but rather how 'she felt' being in that position.

"Honestly, it was tough, everything around you was your responsibility, and you needed to watch your every step. Yet it was fulfilling at the same time. I feel a great pride in my heart for my country." Saber said with a reminiscent look in her eyes. Yet it wasn't long before they clouded over with sadness and regret.

"What's wrong? Do you regret it? Your time as king?" Ryker said noticing the look.

Thinking for a moment Saber replied to his question, "I do, I lament the fact that I was unable to save my country. As its king, it was my responsibility to protect it, and yet I failed in my duty."

Ryker seemed to recall a scene from his old world. He remember that Gilgamesh the servant of the Archer class, Rider otherwise known as Iskandar, and Artoria, Saber, all sat down and had a discussion about what it meant to be king. Ryker knew that the discussion was important to Saber finding her own path and ideals on what it meant to be a great king. He didn't have the experience of what being a King felt like, but he remembered his past life. All the times he felt alone and helpless.

"Hey Saber, let me tell you a story. There once was a boy, he was an orphan from young, and had never met his parents. Yet even though he was told all the time that they left him because they didn't love him, he would always wait for the day they would come. He grew up in an orphanage, and because of the fact that he was always waiting for his parents. He was often beaten up by the other kids and called names. At the start he blamed them, saying to himself that they just didn't take the time to understand him. He didn't stop to realize that, the person who didn't understand the others was in fact him. In a place, where kids thrown away and abandoned by their parents wasn't uncommon, he didn't stop to think about what it meant to be on the other side of the coin. What it must have felt like for those kids who had given up hope of seeing their families again, to see a kid foolishly waiting day in and day out. Although some in their hearts were waiting just as much if not more then he was. They kept it hidden in their hearts, and painted a picture of acceptance on the surface. The boys parents never came, and due to him adamantly refusing to become adopted, and instead foolishly waiting, he missed the chance and soon reached the age to move out of the orphanage. Once society and the world outside the orphanage sunk their teeth into him, he was forced to live a rough life, taking up work which even the toughest of men would wince at, just to make ends meet. He regretted his life, he regretted waiting for his parents when he was younger, instead of just finding a new family who would love him. He regretted not learning more and getting into a better job. Yet there was no medicine for regret, no wish granting device which he could fight for. He found himself contemplating suicide on multiple occasions. His only salvation was found in his imagination, he would read books and play games, before dreaming of what it would be like with himself as the protagonist, but he would always wake up to the same life every time. Yet one day, he, who struggled to survive for so long, found himself giving up his life to save two young children. Two children whom he didn't even realize were orphans themselves. Their father wasn't able to be with them, and their mother had supposable passed on while they were young. After looking back on all the choices he made in life. He realized that there was really nothing to regret. He was sure that there were others out there with lives much worse then his own. People who were forced to suffer day in and day out. Yet he had, food, shelter, money if only a little. His life, though not perfect, was still not something he should regret, for it was his own choices in life which led him down that path. If he allowed himself to be adopted who knows, he might have had parents who loved him, friends who adored him, been able to go to school, and get a nice job. Yet he choose his path in life, and there was no need to regret his decisions of the past. Instead he decided to live for the future, if he made mistakes in the past, then he just needed to make sure he doesn't make them in the future. So I guess the lesson I'm trying to get out of all this is that, you are similar to that boy In a way. You took on the mantle of king, lived your life as best you could, yet failed in the end so you regret it. Yet there is no need for regret. No need to be hung up on the past. Saber…" Stopping here Ryker opened his eyes which had been closed the whole time and looked into Saber's own eyes, which had been focused on his face.

"You must live, for the future, not for the past. Your country, your people, would not blame you for the end result. You should not spurn the very marks you have left upon history. For in doing so you dishonor your country. Have you not thought that maybe they took pride in the fact that they once had one of the greatest kings in history, as their own? You may feel saddened by the results of your rule, however, you must never regret it, for that in my opinion is what it means to not only be a King, but to be alive." Ryker finished and stood up as he noticed Iris had finished talking to Kiritsugu and began to make her way back to the room. Before he left he decided to leave one last sentence for the once great King of Britain, who was lost in thought. "Saber, I can not tell you, who fought and died for her country to give up your ideals for I do not have that right. However, you must seek the answers to what it means to be king for yourself. If after all I have said tonight, you still believe the role of a King is that of self sacrifice, then so be it. However, I do hope you decide to live for a better future, rather then change the past." Saying his final piece Ryker vanished from the roof.

Saber who was left alone, looked at the spot where he once stood. His words and story about the boy, caused her to think deeply about everything she had done in life, as king. She wondered if her wish to save her country could in fact be wrong. Slowly time passed as she remained lying in the snow, thoughts of the past, present and future, slowly shuffling through her mind.