18 CHAPTER 18

Callie filled her lungs with air and let the cool water batter her already bruised up body mercilessly. It made her feel alive to be here, to reminisce a chapter of her life that had once been the reason why her coming to the US was postponed for a year.

She closed her eyes and bowed her head to let the water attack and massage her scalp. She can still feel Damien's possessive hands on her body from the night before and it made her shiver with excitement. He had that effect on her. She was far from a masochist but his possessiveness had been so heady and intoxicating that she couldn't get enough of it.

She opened her eyes and remembered a different person who hadn't been as possessive because they knew that her heart had belonged to them. That person had brought out the possessive and the greedy in Callie but they had never felt the same amount of possessiveness towards her. If anything, they were rather confident that even through anything Callie will be put through, she'll stay.

She looked down at her hand and at the bubbles that slid down her hair and onto the floor then down the drain. What a metaphor to the kind of love that had bloomed inside her all those years before and all of it had been flushed down the drain.

"I loved that person and I gave them the space they needed when we were just friends. I loved them after all. Their time did not belong to me. Their world did not revolve around me." Her mistakes were still huge for her, and she didn't want to repeat them for whoever comes next to her life. Every person that becomes her partner deserves the best that she can give them.

Damien won't be an exception to the rule if he decided that he really wanted to be with her. If anything, he deserved more than she can give him. He deserved someone who he can show off to his family and friends. He deserved someone who can and who will tame the monster inside him and at the same time, handle that same monster when it decides to come out. He deserved the best in the world.

And so did she.

She did not deserve to be taken for granted. She did not deserve to go to sleep every night with tears in her eyes and cracks in her heart. She did not deserve to go through hell just to prove that she was worth fighting for and that she was worth loving. She did not deserve to question her worth. She did not deserve all of that. And she won't go through that again.

She turned to face him and smiled when she found him looking at her as if she was the only person in the world, which was silly since she was the only person in the room with him. Of course, he'd be looking at her.

"When I became their partner, I changed. I became demanding of their time and their attention. I became entitled to everything about them. I became toxic to them. Or so that was what they made me feel like I did." She rubbed her face with her palms. There were no tears now. Not even pain. Nor was there any regrets. What has left was the wisdom. "I loved that person so much but I didn't know how to love them right. I knew they loved me too and sex had nothing to do with it but trusting had always been difficult for me."

She massaged her scalp with her fingers gently and let the water wash out the conditioner. "My mom's brothers are womanizers and I have seen and tolerated them make a fool out of different women so I guess I was and I am afraid that karma will bite me in the ass. I guess I sort of made assumptions that one of these days, someone will make a fool out of me too. I thought that one of these days, someone will look me in the eyes, tell me that they loved me while fucking another person behind my back. I was scared shitless. I still am."

Breathing was so easy this time. Back then, just the thought of that person would have brought her to her knees in pain. Talking about that person would have left her sobbing out, trying to push the pain out of her throat like it was some vile poison. God, how long has it been since that last time she talked about the pain of being left behind? She looked up to remember then finger counted the months. Huh. It's only been a year and change. Guess people do move on faster than they initially thought.

"I worry too much about the people I love. I needed to know where they were, who they were with, and what they were doing. Not to control them but just to make sure that they were safe." It was difficult to explain something so normal and so natural to other people. Sometimes, she wondered if her showing of worry and anxiety was actually what the other person had though off as toxic. "I let them go out with their friends. I let them go drinking and camping and whatnot with people I didn't know because I didn't want to chain them to me. I knew they had a life outside of our relationship. I let them do whatever they wanted, in exchange for updates."

She took a deep, deep breath once again and reached for the bar of soap and rubbed her skin with it, not really paying attention to the bubbles that were washed up by the water. "I guess giving updates was not as easy as I thought." And wasn't that such a pain? Making sure your partner didn't worry should be easy if you really cared. A few seconds to text a partner to tell them you were safe and that you were having fun shouldn't have been so difficult, right?

"I was so sure that that person would be the one until the end. I was even ready to sacrifice my life here just so I could stay with them. I was prepared to salute my father and his family with my middle finger for them. Or better yet, I would have brought them with me here and fucked with every opinion people would have thrown at me. But before I knew it, they had left me. They had stopped loving me. And I didn't have a choice but to take a step back and kill every amount of love I had inside me."

She thought of the times she had been attacked online--by that person and their friends--for her choices and for her actions. She remembered all the time she blamed herself for all the bullshit that had happened. All the tears and heartache she went through had been hell and those had been the push that finally made her come to America.

She was thankful for his silence despite all the pauses she took. She needed them to collect more of the right words after all. She took one huge and deep breath and slowly released it. "I love deeply and I am painfully loyal, Damien, but I was toxic. And I might become toxic to you once we decide that we want to be in a relationship." She turned to face him and made sure that she held his gaze to show how sincere she was.

It was all true. Each word that she said was her truth. She wanted him but she had to make sure that she won't make the same mistakes she did before. She had to make sure that she doesn't hurt another person again. Especially not someone she would love. She didn't want to hurt Damien. Not now, not ever.

He pushed himself away from the wall but stayed where he was. "I'm willing to take a plunge into the relationship but I'm not willing to put sex out of the equation."

She knew that he would say that so she took a deep breath and let it go with a smile before opening her arms for him. "Fine then." She gave him a bright smile and crooked her finger at him. "Come on and hold me. Gently this time."

He removed his shirt and pushed down his jogging pants without removing his eyes from her.

She felt a jerk to her sanity when she saw that he had gone commando. A giggle bubbled in her throat when he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to his hot and wet body. God damn. He was big, both in size and in attitude.

He didn't lift her as he would have usually done. Instead, he bent down and kissed her neck, tracing the marks he had left the day before. "We can skip the sex for now," he mumbled against her skin and made her laugh.

"Not with this on attention," she replied, already rubbing his member gently. She knew he was big but she hadn't realized that his length was equal to two fistfuls of her hands and about two inches in thickness. "Wow… I… nnn~ I can't believe you've buried this whole… ah… thing inside me…"

His chuckle was deep against her ear as he cupped her ass and gave it a playful squeeze. "You've been taking it in like a champ, professor." He said 'professor' so playfully and naughtily that a shiver ran down her body. The curve of his lips against her neck was a sign that he knew the effects of his words and actions to her body.

She pulled back from him and looked into his eyes. "You love pulling my leg, don't you?" she asked before pushing him against the wall and kneeling in front of him. Her hands gripped his member tightly before she moved them up and down, giving extra attention to the swollen tip. She was not yet good at it but she wanted to make him cum with her hands and her mouth at least once.

Her kneeling put some pressure on her bruised thighs but she didn't care about them. She looked up at him and smiled before she teased his slit with the tip of her tongue, taking in the coppery taste of his pre-cum. Meeting his eyes, she took the head of his member into her mouth and gave it a playful suck while her hands massaged and rubbed the rest of his shaft.

The deep breath he took gave her the courage to do more and to continue what she was doing. She sucked the head and circled it with her tongue before pushing down a little to take more of him into her mouth. It was difficult with his girth and length but she did her best.

Her eyes remained focused on him while her head moved up and down his shaft, taking in some more little by little. She could feel the tip of his member prodding her throat deeper with every bob of her head. Still, the part that her mouth didn't reach was rubbed by her right hand and his balls were massaged by her left.

It was difficult to breathe but she continued doing it. She loved how he gasped out and released his breath with a groan. She loved that his hands grabbed her newly conditioned hair but he didn't force her down his length. She loved the fact that he met her eyes even when he bit his lower lip so hard as if to stop himself from coming too quickly.

She pulled her head back and released his cock with a pop, smirking when he growled and huffed. With her eyes still on him, she slid her tongue from the base of his cock up to the tip in slow and teasing motion.

She had to admit that it was heady to see such a giant of a man grumble with the need for her. She repeated the act of sliding her tongue from bottom to top a couple of times before she gently teased the side of his cock with her teeth.

"Jesus fuck, Calliope!" Damien gasped out and threw his head back even as his grip on her hair tightened even more.

Did he realize that he called her Calliope when he was consumed by passion? Did he realize that being called Calliope by him adds heat to her body? Did he realize that and was he using it to tease her or was it a coincidence and she was just putting too much thought to it?

She took his cock into her mouth once more and pushed down until half of him was buried in her throat. Her gag reflex started to take over but she closed her eyes tightly and forced herself to pull back a little before taking more of him again. She knew that he has had experiences before and it poked at her insecurities but if she wanted to compete against some people who pleasured him in the past, she might as well do her best to please him well.

She looked up at him once again and she would have smiled if not for the dick in her mouth. He looked so handsome and so cute with his cheeks becoming red from pleasure. Can she make him cum with her mouth though?

She moved her head up and down slowly, loving the texture and the taste of his member in her mouth before she started to move her head a little faster, just like how he does when he was buried deep inside her garden. The speed increased as her control started to slip from her hands. She raised herself a little bit and pushed him deeper into her throat until her nose was touching his belly.

Jesus fuck. It was difficult. She wanted to puke from the force of having her throat spread that way but she grabbed his ass and held him in place before she pulled all the way back with a string of saliva connecting her lips and his cock. It was fucking glorious to finally have his whole cock down her throat.

She looked up at him and rubbed his wet-with-her-saliva member with her hands before taking it into her mouth once again. This time, she took him in like a champ and she move her head up and down fast and hard.

He was throbbing. He was groaning.

It fuelled her need. She wanted his semen in her mouth, on her face, neck, chest, and down her throat.